08-10-2002 19:23									#1
	empty thread - please ignore Support Apolyton or Terrorists Win

Last edited by unscratchedfoot on 14-03-2003 at 22:49

	08-10-2002 21:01									#2
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A very interesting concept, I dont think Ive read anything quite like this before.Looking forward to seeing this one develop.

	08-10-2002 22:00									#3
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A very original representation of the cultural borders concept. Although I am not sure about the French zombies, it would be interesting to see how the idea develops further. Keep going

	09-10-2002 01:32									#4
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Put the accountants on the ends...

Good job, keep it up.

	09-10-2002 05:34									#5
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I like it too...


esp.the zombies

	09-10-2002 06:11									#6
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quote: Originally posted by vovansim I am not sure about the French zombies

vovansim, the zombies aren't what you think. I have no intention of relating french people to zombies. You can find out what they're all about in the next episode. Thanks for the support everyone.

	09-10-2002 06:23									#7
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Very interesting and different. I like it.

	09-10-2002 07:19									#8
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quote: Originally posted by unscratchedfoot I have no intention of relating french people to zombies. You can find out what they're all about in the next episode.

Now, looking forward to that next episode even more than before.

	11-10-2002 04:58									#9
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Ha! It's always nice to read about something that isn't just the war aspects of civ. I like the 4th wall aspect of this.

	13-10-2002 19:06									#10
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skippity

Last edited by unscratchedfoot on 17-10-2002 at 16:40

	13-10-2002 21:02									#11
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skip

Last edited by unscratchedfoot on 17-10-2002 at 16:41

	15-10-2002 20:22									#12
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Is this story too weird or what?

	15-10-2002 21:00									#13
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No its okay but I think youve scared off all the accountants who visit this forum.I like what youre doing here and concept is definitely original but perhaps you should move the plot on a little faster so as not to stall the story.

	17-10-2002 07:00									#14
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I definitely agree with Chrisius. By the fourth time you mention the accountants, it's not really funny any more.

Also, some parts of the last two posts seem to be a bit over the board with descriptiveness. You did a great job balancing the description of the situation with action in the very first part, but in the later ones, you are slipping off that balance. A little more action - not neccessarily violence, though, - and the story would be just awesome.

	17-10-2002 16:45									#15
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Okay. Thanks for your feedback. I felt the last 2 installments weren't up to snuff myself which was probably because I wrote them after my bedtime. I removed them and may even finish off this story sometime. Right now I'm too hungry though.

	17-10-2002 17:46									#16
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Hey Unscratchedfoot I dont think it was necessary to completely remove the last two chapters if we give honest feedback its because we like what weve read,couldnt you edit it down and repost a new chapter.My main point in my last post was that your characters should get to cultural building sooner rather than later and move the plot along.
Please dont give up on this its very original and started brilliantly.

	18-10-2002 04:45									#17
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Nope, those 2 installments weren't part of the original story plan. The first part is actually half the story with the second part being the dramatic climax in the cultural building. I don't why, but I had been playing online chess for like 4 hours into the night and then for some loony reason decided to continue the story on 2 occasions even though I was 90% asleep. I'll cook up the ending soon enough. Talking about cooking, I'm hungry again so it won't be today.

	18-10-2002 10:33									#18
	Inflate your Upload Space

I didn't have a problem with any of the segments myself. I think people were just impatient to find out what the heck was going on! I have to agree and say that it was unnecessary to actually remove them.

	18-10-2002 17:02									#19
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On this forum it's better if stories are kept as short as possible. Like my garden story for example, I left out tons of situational description, as well as scenary, I would really have liked to have had in the story, to just have the bare essentials and keep the story going.

I'm considering finding a good non-civ story forum to continue this hobby and maybe try something a little different, especially since I no longer play the Civ3. I had more than my fill after 4 or 5 games of it. I got some ideas for some non-civ stories instead. For now though, the online chess thing is a little too engaging.

Does anyone know of a good short story website, preferrably non-professional?

	20-10-2002 10:36									#20
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quote: I'm considering finding a good non-civ story forum to continue this hobby and maybe try something a little different, especially since I no longer play the Civ3. I had more than my fill after 4 or 5 games of it.

Blasphemy! There's no such thing as enough of Civ!

I still think you should just write what you want. If you don't enjoy writing it then chances are people won't enjoy reading it. You'll never be able to please everyone no matter who your audience or what your topic. I think everyone would like this to continue, but I can understand if you're tired of writing about civ.

	20-10-2002 15:56									#21
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Ditto but fair enough if you dont want to continue,for ages now people have been complaining that there isnt enough feedback here, but I think thats changed now as their are some great stories coming through and several people regulary posting their comments good or bad but.I feel the reviewing done here is both honest and constructive so come on you budding authors get writing.

	14-03-2003 22:36									#22
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I'm going to finish this story but I'm wondering if opening a new thread and moving the first episode over would be better considering all the "filler" in this one. First time readers might get lost in the clutter.I could give the new thread a different name or something.

	14-03-2003 22:51									#23
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I'm just gonna open a new thread for this and fix it up properly. Moderators feel free to delete this thread as the story's been removed.

	15-03-2003 05:08									#24
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This was my favourite unfinished story of yours... Looking forward to you adding to it.

	22-03-2003 04:54									#25
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What the heck happened Scratch? You deleted the whole thing.

	22-03-2003 08:30									#26
	Remove this text

I believe the person who created the thread has the option to delete it.