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Bear
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chieftaining something
May 2002
time: 05:22
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I, Bear, would like to make a revolutionary proposal for the government of Apolytonia.
Independance!
Yes, thats right. Independance! I decree that we have lived under the harsh rule of Apolytonia too long, and are being dragged down through capitalism and greed, by being made to PAY TOO MUCH TAX. We have been ignored and not treated as a part of the Empire, being instead a far-flung millitary base. Well, people, I say we have it NO MORE!
And which part of the glorious nation do I demand independance for, I hear you ask? Well, I shall tell you. The great republic of... *drumroll*... Freeport!
Freeport lies on a piece of land jutting out into the ocean. We are little more than a tiny colony, ignored by the government and by the citizens of the more reputable names, mainly because WE PAY TOO MUCH TAX!
Furthermore, we PAY TOO MUCH TAX!! Whilst the average Apolyontian earns 14 pieces of gold a year, and has to pay 9 of them in tax, we earn just 8, and have to pay 6 of them in tax!! Do the facts not speak for themselves?!
Freeport children are being taught in classrooms just half the size of the classrooms in Capitol! We have not had any new materials for years, and our teachers are badly trained! AND THEY PAY TOO MUCH TAX!!
Our houses are in terrible states of repair, with leaking roofs and only 3 walls! We suffer from cholera and typhoid because of this, and, to top it all off, WE PAY TOO MUCH TAX!!!!!
Our waters which we have fished in for generations are disturbed by Apolytonian ships sailing through, smashing our tiny fishing boats to pieces. We do not get compensation for this. And what do we give in return? Well, WE PAY TOO MUCH TAX!!
We do not even have a representative in the cabinet to air our concerns! And we PAY TOO MUCH TAX!
We have no policemen! We are vulnerable to attack! AND WE PAY TOO MUCH TAX!!
The policies of the Independant Semi-Socialist Republic Of Freeport will be:
1) Not paying as much tax!!!
2) Building a big wall around Freeport so nobody can get in!!!
3) Not paying ANY tax!!!
The Independant whatever-i-just-said of Freeport will be led by an elected Mayor, who will not be elected. In short, it will be me 
Under him will be three officials:
1) The Official for Money And Lack Of Paying Any In Tax
2) The Official for Building The Big Wall
3) The Official who Is Actually Dead But Bear Is Taking His Salary From The Treasury
Join me in my struggle for a tax-free haven, where we can all smoke Marlboro's (or the Apolytonia equivelant) for $1 a box! Where we can import widescreen TV's (or the 700AD Apolytonia equivelant) for next to nothing! And, most importantly, where WE CAN BUILD A BIG WALL!!
Just post your name here!
SMALL PRINT (NO NEED TO READ! JUST SIGN!): On signing this document you promise to give thirty five thousand years hard labour to help build THE BIG WALL, whilst paying tax. On completion, you will be given a small room with no door and a pet monkey, in which to live out your tax-free life.
SMALLER PRINT (STOP READING AND SIGN!): You will only be allowed to live out your tax-free life for three days, because we only have one monkey.
P.S. Yes, this is a joke.
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12-10-2002 01:07
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