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Immortal Wombat
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in perpetuity
Dec 2000
time: 05:23
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Luckily, I saved it, because I knew some idiot would ask again some time.
It was one of those things that come to you in that misty period between waking and sleeping.
In this instance, it was on a particularly dull coach journey home from school in the November of the year 2000. A couple of my friends were at the time attempting to devise a sketch-show based on some very dubious humour, and, with a mind full of class A weird sh*t, I dozed off on the bus.
"The Idea" came flying through space on a tachyon stream, much in the same way as outlined by Terry Pratchett in some book or other. It rummaged around in my subconcious for a while, and came up with the thought that really, Kung-Fu is the most cool thing to put on TV ever (NB: The Matrix wasn't out yet.) At which point, it surfaced, with the horrific pun on Mortal Kombat ever devised. It tried to cross far-eastern Kung-Fu movies with The Highlander. And so, another "What if..." was born.
What if... In a post-apocalyptic, sentient-animal world, there was a Wombat, who, after the death of his father (classic plot device dontchaknow) discovered that he was immortal, and decided to avenge his father's death in such a way as to facilitate the defeat of all the evil in the world in the space of 24 crudely-animated episodes. Along the development of the idea, such characters as Simon the Psychic Sidekick (Kookaburra), Petre the Russian Zombie Lord (based on Actual Eventstm), and the Evil Emperor of Wales, Xin Qua Xianchi (or something. His name changes with ever rendition, I never did find a perfect evil chinese name for him.) are added and removed at will to further the increasingly implausible plot. I seem to remember a wolverine as well.
A month or so later, I was browsing the internet, looking for CtP scenarios, and found Apolyton. After a few days of downloading (the entire files section...) I registered on the forum, and spent ages trying to think of a "Username". Whatever that was. No predictable names for me, no somebody-already-has-that-name for me. Oh no, it dawned on me that I would be the Immortal Wombat, and spread the word of his fame and notorioty. So I did.
Since then, I have discovered three other Immortal Wombat references online.
The first is the womderful (edit: I'm leaving this typo in  ) person who decided to register immortalwombat.com - read it "I'm Mortal Wombat - dot - com"  (I'm being polite here. If you're there, kind fellow wombat, I'd like to buy your domain name  )
Incidentally, mortalwombat.com is not registered. 
The second is some idiot loser who came up with a grand animal fighting tournament in Australia, where marsupials would duke it out to go up against the Immortal Wombat in the final, and lose. This was another pun on MK, and I didn't mind so much, because it was a crap idea, and would have died fairly quickly. I posted on his forum asking him to kill it faster. No luck there.
But what really pissed me off was when he realised it was a crap idea, so posted another webpage saying "The Immortal Wombat sucks donkey dick". I would like to point out that this is untrue. I do not. No hard feelings, the page seems to be gone now, or at least, it doesn't turn up as the very first Google Search result for "Immortal Wombat" like it used to I do. 
The third and last Immortal Wombat I have found it a reviewer on a Nintendo site or something. I think I'll copyright the name and sue him.
Accept no substitutes, the original and best,
Immortal Wombat
Last edited by Immortal Wombat on 26-12-2002 at 02:08
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26-12-2002 00:26
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