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History Guy
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Reads too many books...
Oct 2001
time: 23:24
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The trials of fire and water, as delivered in mandate by His Holiness, Tacticus, the High Priest of Madrid and all Iberia, are now to be commenced.
Firstly, though, I require the stick of flame, may it burn brightly and warmly, and may it's glow be sufficient for the task for which it is brought here.
A prayer to the spirits of Iberia:
O Great Spirits,
Watchers of the Eternal Flame,
Sprung up of Creation,
The souls of the past,
Great men of olden times,
Watch over I,
Your Servant,
And Tacticus,
Your Great High Priest,
Elected by you,
Blessed by the spirits,
Preserved by the elements
To ripe old age,
And bless us,
In the task
For which we,
Your humble servants,
Were appointed.
Protect us,
O Spirits,
From the elements
Of flame and heat.
Amen.
(OK, Gastronome...got a good grip on Jdjdjd?...Well, yesssir, and no sir...nasty little rotter, he...he's trying to get from the flame...*slap*...Get a 'old of yersself, Jdjdjd...There, that's right, there's a good little heretic...bad little...Never mind......Enough of your antics, Gastronome, just fetch him over here...)
Now, I, Hernan de History Guy Calamari the Younger, Deacon of the High Priest, a Priest of the Eternal Flame, shall effect the trial by fire.
Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Cripes! That hurt!
The heretic, who has given up the sinful and most dark and vile evil spirits known as Zeus, Poseidon, Aphrodite, Apollo, and etc., has, in accordance with the mandate of the High Priest, passed the test of fire successfully.
There remains now the test of water.
(Gastronome...get him again, lad...Righty-O, guv)
(Everyone scuttles over to the pond of Holy Water...)
We meet here by the Most Sacred Pool of the Holy Spirits to test by water, in accordance with the laws of the flame written by our High Priest, Tacticus, the accused, Jdjdjd, Apostate and Heretic, Reformed.
First, though, I once again say the prayer of protection by the spirits.
O Great Spirits,
Watchers of the Eternal Flame,
Sprung up of Creation,
The souls of the past,
Great men of olden times,
Watch over I,
Your Servant,
And Tacticus,
Your Great High Priest,
Elected by you,
Blessed by the spirits,
Preserved by the elements
To ripe old age,
And bless us,
In the task
For which we,
Your humble servants,
Were appointed.
Protect us,
O Spirits,
From the elements
Of water and cold.
Amen.
(In we go, old chap...)
SPLASH!! Yaaaaaaaaaa...gaaaargle gargle gargle!
Pull him out!
The heretic, who has given up the sinful and most dark and vile evil spirits known as Zeus, Poseidon, Aphrodite, Apollo, and etc., has, in accordance with the mandate of the High Priest, passed the test of water successfully.
Therefore, in concordance with the Holy Laws of the High Priest, the repentant heretic apostate Jdjdjd has been cleansed, and has been proven to be unpossessed by the spirits of evil. We rejoice at the happy results of this occasion, and of the salvation of our brother, Jdjdjd.
The ceremony is ended with the final blessing:
O Great Spirits,
Look upon us,
Your humble servants,
With good will
And recognition
Of our true belief
And true reverence.
May we never
Stray from the ways
Of truth and righteousness.
May the Heavens
Bless us eternally,
Your servants
On Earth
Who have not yet passed
Into the nether world.
Amen.
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Nuclear Winter
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It is with great pain that the Winterius family has cometh here to tell all of the passing of Señor Nuclearis Winterius the I , who died today, on the first watch, out of a great pain in the chest. May the spirits bless and carry him on...
We, the Nuclearis family are going to give 2000 bones for the funeral, and they request that his ashes be trown in the shores of river Tejo, so that he can go on with our land...
We ask the high priest to make all the necessary rituals, and we ask that 100 jugs of wine be sacrificed to the spirits.
We also send invitations to all the families of Hispania to watch the rituals, as last Adios to Señor Winterius.(All but the mitchels)
May the spirits carry him on....
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dejon
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Señor Winterius, we share the same burden. My father has just passed as well, but not as peacefully. Condolences to your family.
High Priest Tacticus, I know not how to proceed. How do we honour my father and his legacy properly? I humbly seek your guidance in this matter.
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GeneralTacticus
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of Melbourne, Australia
Dec 2001
time: 15:24
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Hmmm, three funerals to be organized, eh? Most unfortunate...
quote:
We, the Nuclearis family are going to give 2000 bones for the funeral, and they request that his ashes be trown in the shores of river Tejo, so that he can go on with our land...
We ask the high priest to make all the necessary rituals, and we ask that 100 jugs of wine be sacrificed to the spirits.
We also send invitations to all the families of Hispania to watch the rituals, as last Adios to Señor Winterius.(All but the mitchels) |
Bring him down to the banks of the Tajo; we shall place his body upon a funeral pyre, perform the necessary rituals, then burn his body and cast the ashes in. The wine will be consecrated to the spirits and then distributed free among those in attendance.
quote:
High Priest Tacticus, I know not how to proceed. How do we honour my father and his legacy properly? I humbly seek your guidance in this matter. |
Bring the corpses of both him and the bear which killed him to the Spirit House, and we will deal with the funeral arrangements. He shall be placed on a funeral pyre along with the bear, and we shall perform rituals to bind the spirit of the bear to his, thus assuring him of a servant in the afterlife.
quote:
My father, Hernan de History Guy Calamari the Elder, this day, died of a broken heart. He was only about four hundred. This was needless and sad. |
Yes, this is indeed most sad news. Bring his body in a parade to the site of his tomb. We shall take it inside, stack the funeral pyre and perform the rituals as usual, but we shall be certain to bring attention to his many good and generous deeds in life. We shall then burn his body and leave the ashes in a jar within the tomb.
quote:
O Great High Priest, did I do well at the trial of Jdjdjd, Apostate and Heretic, Reformed? I followed your Canon of Trial by Fire and Water for Heretic and Apostates to a tee, Your Holiness. |
You did indeed. You are now a full Priest in your own right. You will now be assigned to take care of the administration of funerals. I will tell you how to organize them, and then you will carry it out.
Last edited by GeneralTacticus on 14-12-2002 at 08:45
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History Guy
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Reads too many books...
Oct 2001
time: 23:24
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I thank you.
As for my father's burial, I have made necessary arrangements. Amphorae of the best quality have been made, and are available, hot off the kiln, for use in the burial service. My father had many great qualities. He was incredibly loyal, he contributed most of his wealth to the government for public works. He financed the military and the marketplace. He served as ambassador to Arabia in a very demanding task. He started work on historical research to preserve our past. Lastly, he died a true Spanish hero. A great man, most assuredly.
I thank you for this position, O Great High Priest. I shall serve in this position, and follow the will of the spirits as well as any man, other than yourself, of course, could do. I thank you again, O Great High Priest. May you live three thousand years.
Hernan de History Guy Calamari the Younger
Assistant Priest to His Holiness
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12-12-2002 19:00
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