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Rogan Josh
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On my sig
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Kontiki
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Canada
Aug 2001
time: 00:24
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Ah, yes, good old Grandpa:
"You're right we should have soft-boiled eggs....God created old people for a reason - to find fault with everything on his green Earth"
And, of course, Apu:
"Oh, you've got to be kidding. First, you come up with an idea for a book that's already been done and then you give it a name that no one could possibly like.... one of the top selling movies of all time..... 50 weeks on the New York Times best seller's list, what were you thinking! I mean, thank you, come again."
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dudemanjack
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"Mr. Simpson, please take your things and get out! And come again." or something like that
-Apu
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Jules
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Chairman & CEO, Dallas Oil Company
Jul 2001
time: 00:24
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More Apu...and a song:
Apu: You see, whether igloo, hut, or lean-to, or a geodesic
dome, There's no structure I have been to, which I'd
rather call my home.
When I first arrived, you were all such jerks,
But now I've come to looooooove your quirks.
Maggie with her eyes so bright,
Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright,
Lisa can philosophise, Bart's adept at spinning lies,
Homer's a delightful fella, sorry 'bout the salmonella.
Homer: Heh heh, that's OK.
Apu: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Now here comes the tricky part.
Oh, won't you rhyme with me?
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Marge: Their floors are stick-E-Mart,
Lisa: They made Dad sick-E-Mart,
Bart: Let's hurl a brick-E-Mart,
Homer: The Kwik-E-Mart is real... D'oh!
Simpsons: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Apu: Not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...[held for next three lines]
Simpsons: Forget the Kwik-E-Mart,
Goodbye to Kwik-E-Mart,
Who needs the Kwik-E-mart?
Apu: Not me.
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dudemanjack
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"who needs the kwik-e-mart............I dooooooooooo"
-Apu (sobbing)
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123john321
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quote:
Originally posted by Wernazuma III
(...)It was Sunday School and the kids asked questions like:
Kid1: "Can my guinee-pig "Mel" go to heaven when it's dead?"
Teacher: "No."
Kid2: Can my baby brother who hasn't been baptized before death go to heaven?"
Teacher: "No."
etc.(..) |
In my church (the mormon church,) all living thing that aren't human goes to heaven, because they don't know right from wrong, and babies that aren't baptized can to go heaven too! (Sorry if I sound like a missionairy.)
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Thrawn05
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All Your Posts Are Belong To Ming
Dec 2001
time: 00:24
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(I don't think I got this one right, but it still is funny)
Homer: Oh sure Lisa, like there is one all MAGICAL animal that provides us with Pork Chops, Bacon, Hot Dogs, Sausages, and Ham.
Homer: Marge, how cold can your oven get? (After the Frig burns out when Homer tried to use it as an AC).
Homer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (What Homers says after waking up from a nightmare were Bart punched him in a boxing ring. At which point he fell right back to sleep).
Homer: (singing), My baloney has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R. My balony has a second name, it's H-O-M-E-R.
And of course, the opening squence for "The Tompsons", when the Simpsons go under witness protection program.
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dudemanjack
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"Dear God, we paid for all this food ourselves...so thanks for nothing."
-Bart
"Because sometimes the only to make yourself feel good is by making someone else look bad....and I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!"
-Homer
Continuing on Lisa's vegatarian stuff...when she takes Homer's cooked pig and sends it flying down the road in a cart...it hits a bump and goes flying
"It's just a little airborn. It's still good! It's still good!"
-Homer
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dudemanjack
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I keep thinking of new ones!
Where the Simpsons are taking care of Mr. Burn's mansion. They are all eating dinner. There are like 5 forks, and Marge is confused about what one of them is for. Homer, in a "rich" voice, goes:
"I believe you scratch your ass with it!"
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Jethro83
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Newcastle, Australia
Mar 2002
time: 15:24
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"Hello Operator! Gimme the number for 911!" - Homer
"Now I'm not easily impressed... WOAH!!! A BLUE CAR!!!" - Homer
"Worst episode EVER!" - Comic store guy
Lisa: (crying) "I'm not a state! I'm a monster!"
Homer: No. The only monster is the gambling monster that's consumed your mother! And I call him GAMBLOR!!!"
Marge: "Kids can be so cruel."
Bart: "We can? Thanks mom!" (runs into other room)
Lisa: (In other room) "Bart! Stop that!"
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GePap
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of the Big Apple
Nov 2001
time: 23:24
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From the Bart the healer episode:
Nerd 3: And I invented a program that downloads porn from the internet 1 million times faster.
Marge: who needs that much porn?
Homer: Mhhh.. 1 million times faster..ahhhghh
President: Now say hello to our all American kicker, Antonin Luvchenko
Luvchenko: groing up in home country poor, luvchnko dreamed of playing American football..
(P. waving hand to get him to end)
Luvchenko: long story short, go Springfield U!
President: Deans Chuckles and Boris (addressing two Goons), make sure he gives all that he can.
Lisa: dad, I think Godzilla was bigger than Superman
Homer: Duh, its not to scale Lisa.
Lovejoy: So you think Church is boring?
Bart: Yes
Lovejoy: Hey, i am doing the best I can with the material
Bart: BUt Church doesn't have to be boring: a good preacher knows how to make church come alive, with music, and singing, and Tae Bo: tu to tu, ta tu tu to
(dances in the aisle, doing Tae Bo as crowd cheers)
Lpvejoy: Never give them an opening....
Some paraphrasing:
Traveling preacher: BUt son, have you ever though what you will do to repent?
Bart:I was thinking a life of sin followed by a presto chango death bed confession.
T.P: Hmm' thats a good plan...wait, no, but what happens if you were to die suddenly?
Bart: Hey, your right...I do need full coverage.
Hibbard: and with barts healing powers, I shoul be able to re-attach that leg in no time
Bart: how many times do i have to tell you all, I have NO healing powers!
Hibbard: well, then more money for me.
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Clear Skies
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looking for a saviour in these dirty streets
Jul 2000
time: 05:24
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Sorry, don't know if this one's been posted before already...
Mr. Burns offers Lisa a check for 10% of the $120,000,000 he got for selling their business.
Lisa: Oh, but I can't accept that, knowing where it came from. Can I? Mom?
[Marge tells Lisa to do whatever her conscience tells her to. Lisa takes the check, and, hestitating, tears it up. Marge tells Lisa that she did the right thing, and Homer collapses.]
Dr. Hibbert at the hospital: Well, that's the first case I've ever seen of a man suffering four simultaneous heart attacks.
Lisa: I'm sorry, Dad.
Homer: It's all right. I understand. But we really could've used that $12,000.
Lisa: [nervously] Um, Dad, ten percent of $120,000,000 isn't $12,000. It's.…
Woman’s voice [over intercom]: Code blue! Code Blue!
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Apolyton Time is 00:24. |
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13-12-2002 21:58
ACK!
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