12-12-2002 23:02									#1
	Great lines from the Simpsons Remove this text

I was inspired by my best episodes thread, just thinking about all the great stuff in the Simpsons. Here's a few I can think of right now (can't remember if they are perfect):

"Look at me, I've been out of the house for a day and I'm as dirty as a Frenchman!"
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Dr. Hibberd - I should warn you that he may try to sniff around your crotch.

Homer - I've been around Scotsmen before.
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"In a way, you're both winners. But, in a more accurate way, Barney's the winner."
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"The fingers you have used for dialing are too fat. Please stay on the line for assistance, or, mash the keypad to order a special dialing wand."

	12-12-2002 23:19									#2
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Can't think of any right now, but those are good.

	12-12-2002 23:30									#3
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" when I can't stop fiddelin I take my riddelin...."

	12-12-2002 23:52									#4
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Oh look, they have the internet on computers too.

	12-12-2002 23:55									#5
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Are you kids hugging the TV?

No...

	12-12-2002 23:56									#6
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"Bonjourrrrr ya greasy, cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys!" - Groundskeeper Willy teaching a French Class.

"Weaseling out of things is good for the boy! It's what separates man from the animals. Except the weasel." - Homer

"As punishment for your desertion, it is company policy to give you the plague." - Mr. Burns
"Uh, sir, that's the plaque." - Smithers.

"Uh no, ya got the wrong number...this is 912..." - Chief Wiggum

"I ate all my caps! *POW* Oof!" - Ralph Wiggum

"Wow, I'll never drink another beer again."
"Beer here!"
"I'll take 10!" - Homer

"I know a genuine Panaphonics when I see one! And look, there's Magnetbox and Sorny!" - Homer in NYC

"I'm finally getting my comeuppance!" - Homer

"You su-diddly-uck, Flanders!" - Homer

	13-12-2002 00:01									#7
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"So, do you, uh, like stuff?" - Ralph Wiggum

"The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my fingers out of there." - Ralph again

	13-12-2002 00:07									#8
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Krusty (to guest on show): So, why do they call this a Urine Monkey. Oh, I think I just found out.

Ned: Tonight's the night I do my chairty work.
Homer: Oh yeah, judge made me do that once too. Stupid lack of public urinals.

	13-12-2002 00:11									#9
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It's important to note that groundskeeper Willie is not an accurate depiction of the typical Scot. He is really funny, however.

When I was watching it in a pub, and he started insulting 'South Edinburgh golfers' everybody started cheering...

"Grease me, woman!"

"A wee nip o' courage" (drinks whisky)

"I didnae cry when ma own father wiz hung for stealing a pig, but I'll cry now"

Edited for spelling of 'dipication'

Last edited by Sandman on 13-12-2002 at 00:24

	13-12-2002 00:18									#10
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quote: Originally posted by Sandman "Grease me, woman!"

The look on her face was priceless. "Okay."

	13-12-2002 00:19									#11
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Homer: "Kids, there's three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way!"
Bart: "Isn't that the wrong way?"
Homer: "Yeah, but faster!"

Trent: "So where to eat? You like Thai?"
Homer: "Tie good. You like shirt?"

Homer: "Marge, this is Thai food. From now on, I want it morning, noon, and night."

	13-12-2002 00:20									#12
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"More testicles mean more iron" - Lunch Lady Doris, adding more horse testicles to the stew

	13-12-2002 00:26									#13
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"Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory."
-homer

"if you hate your job, you don't strike, you just go in there every day and do it really half assed. that's the american way"
-homer

"it tastes like... burning"
-ralph

"remember ralphie, if your nose starts bleeding, it means you're picking it too much. or not enough."
-wiggum

"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"
-homer

"in america, first you get the shuugah, then you get the money, then you get the weemen"
-homer

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."
-homer

"Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy."
-homer

"Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!"
-homer

"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).
-homer

"Beer. Now there's a temporary solution."
-homer

"Trying is the first step towards failure."
-homer

"I like my beer cold…my TV loud…and my homosexuals flaming."
-homer

"Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use."
-homer

"If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing."
-homer

"Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?"
-homer

"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."
-homer

"And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream."
-homer

"Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer."
-homer

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures."
-bart

"There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson."
-bart

	13-12-2002 00:30									#14
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I'm going to award Lunchlady Doris the title of most underused character in The Simpsons.

Runners up include Dr Marvin Monroe, that guy that sells them the RV in series 1 and Miss Hoover.

Most overused character is the unfunny Gil, or Krusty. Krusty's funny, but he often appears for no reason in the story.

	13-12-2002 00:35									#15
	Remove this text

"You don't think I got this rich by writing a lot of cheques [evil but nerdy laugh]" - Bill Gates

"I want a baby. Now." - Edna Krabapple.

	13-12-2002 00:36									#16
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"Now kids, Lisa comes to the third grade from Ms. Hoover's class [makes chugging alcohol motions] and Bart is from Ms. Krabaple's class. *cough*SLUT*cough*"
-Third Grade Teacher.

	13-12-2002 00:53									#17
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I bent my wookie.

	13-12-2002 01:02									#18
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Homer: No beer and no TV make Homer something something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!

-Arrian

	13-12-2002 01:09									#19
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"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if it’s SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called "The bus that couldn’t slow down."
- Homer

"Last night's 'Itchy & Scratchy' was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world."
- Comic Book Guy

	13-12-2002 01:09									#20
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"Mmm waffle run-off" - Homer

"Mmm urinal fresh" - Homer

	13-12-2002 01:11									#21
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and of course

"Mmm elephant fresh" - Homer

	13-12-2002 01:11									#22
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quote: "Last night's 'Itchy & Scratchy' was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world." - Comic Book Guy

Damn...that sounds remotely familiar

	13-12-2002 01:29									#23
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"The wars of the future will not be fought on the battlefield or at sea. They will be fought in space, or possibly on top of a very tall mountain. In either case, most of the actual fighting will be done by small robots. And as you go forth today remember always your duty is clear: To build and maintain those robots. Thank you. " - Military school Commandant's graduation address

	13-12-2002 01:41									#24
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Homer:
"Space Aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids - eat them!"

	13-12-2002 01:59									#25
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quote: Originally posted by Boris Godunov "I know a genuine Panaphonics when I see one! And look, there's Magnetbox and Sorny!" - Homer in NYC

This wasn't in NYC! It was at the Ogdenville Outlet mall!

"Nothing can possiblay go wrong; possibly go wrong..that's the first thing thats ever gone wrong" Helicopter pilot at Ichy and Scratchy Land.

"Sloppy shooting Simpson, you missed the baby, and the mother, and the..." Chief Wiggum

"Ahe. but when they took the banddages off, the ugliest man in Glascow wasn't good enough for ya!" Willy to Sherry Bobbins

(not the best, but the ones that came to my head.)

	13-12-2002 02:32									#26
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"BEST....DEATH...EVER"
-Comic book guy in some halloween episode

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Post office guy: Ok, mr. burns, what's your first name.
Homer: I don't know.

"Simpson...Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in history. From the, town of springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree. Ahhh!!!"

"Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a q-tip"

"I work hard for the money
so hard for the money
oh what something something money
come on give me lots of honey"
-Homer Simpson

See my vest: -Mr. Burns
You see, some men hunt for sport,
others hunt for food
The only thing I'm hunting for
Is an outfit that looks good

See my vest, see my vest,
made from real gorilla chest
See this sweater there's no better
than authentic Irish setter

see this hat, 'twas my cat
My evening wear a vampire bat
This white slippers are albino
African endangered rhino

Grizzly bear underwear
Turtles necks I've got my share
Beret of poodle on my noodle it shall rest!
Try my red robin suit
It comes one breast or two

see my vest, see my vest, see my vest
Like my loafers
former gophers
It was that or skin my chauffeurs
But a greyhound fur tuxedo would be best

So lets prepare these dogs
kill two for matching clogs
see my vest
see my vest
oh, please, won't you see my veesssst

Stonecutters theme
Who controls the British crown
Who keeps the metric system down
We do!
We do!

Who leaves Atlantis off the maps
Who keeps the Martians under wraps
We do!
We do!

Who holds back the electric car
Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star
We do!
We do!

Who robs the cave fish of their sight
Who rigs every Oscar night
We do!
We do!

	13-12-2002 02:52									#27
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*when Marge went to work at the nuclear plant*

Smithers: But, sir, you've given her my office!

Mr. Burns: Don't worry, Smithers, I'm putting you where the action is.

Smithers: (next seen cleaning urinals) Springtime fresh, clear white. What could be better?

Homer: (barging in) Man, I really gotta take a whiz!

Smithers: NOOOOOO!!!!

	13-12-2002 03:07									#28
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quote: Originally posted by UberKruX "Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use." -homer

To which Marge replied:
"Homer, have you been reading that Ross Perot pamplet again?"

	13-12-2002 03:08									#29
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"Oh Lisa, you and your stories. Bart is a vampire. Beer kills brain cells. Pffft. Now let's go back to that...building thingy...where our beds and TV...is..." - Homer.

"Marge! I need one of those metal dealies. You know--the ones you use to dig food?"
"You mean a spoon?"
"Yeah Yeah Yeah!!"

Lou and Eddie interrogate Moe while he’s hooked up to a lie detector.)
Eddie: Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No! (piercing buzz) All right, maybe I did, but I didn’t shoot him. (pleasant ding)
Eddie: Checks out. Okay, sir, you’re free to go.
Moe: Good, ‘cause I got a hot date tonight. (buzz)
A date. (buzz)
Dinner with friends. (buzz)
Dinner alone. (buzz)
Watching TV alone. (buzz)
All right! I’m going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria’s Secret Catalog. (buzz)
(ashamed) Sears catalog. (ding)
Now would you unhook this already please?! I don’t deserve this kind of shabby treatment! (buzz)

	13-12-2002 03:14									#30
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*Lisa Lionheart doll episode*

Lisa: It sucks being a kid; no one listens to ya.

Grandpa: It's rotten being old; no one listens to ya.

Homer: I'm a white male, age 18 to 45. Everyone listens to me, no matter how stupid my suggestions are. (pulls out a can of "Nuts 'n Gum: Together at Last!")