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Zylka
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Analyze this ICQ conversation and tell me what's going on. Spare no Freudian nonsense:
(December 18th)
S: okay right on! save some for me for new years!!
its Jays company christmas party that we are going to , it was supposed to be last saturday but they double booked the lobby so it got moved to this saturday!
Z: mmmm corporate christmas, too much. are you and J dating again?
S: yeah i know!
yeah we are
Z: that's so wicked - best wishes on it!
later
S: thanks!
okay talk to you later
(December 24th)
Z: heya do you know an **** ****** who goes to Central?
S: shes rad. a little quiet, she really funny and like this AMAZING dancer, shes really good friends with a lot of my friends, we aren't really close but i think shes cool, why?
and she has an older sister ***** too right?
Z: mmm yeah. Well my parents have been hounding me to go out and get to know her. she goes to our church and dear mum and dad are obsessed with me to get to know "a nice church girl"
I'm trying to patiently explain that I don't go for anything set up, that I know what I want in a girl and that doing something like this is a little weird and Victorian almost.
and yes she has a sister, who I have heard quite interesting stories about
S: yeah her sister graduated last year, she a wild one as far as i know from J
*****'s totally cool and totally some one you would like!! do your parents want you to date her?
Z: I think that's the case
S: oh yeah well at least she is good looking, well i think
you okay with the age difference?
S: she is REALLY mature!
S: brb
Z: age difference is ok if you can learn that it won't be a problem, that comes with time. thing is I don't know her at all, she could be anyone - not a situation I'm interested in. I'll hang out with her for the sake of mum and dad, and she could be a great person, but going into it as if something is expected out of you is hilarious
S: yeah, thats definatly not a good way to go into it esecially if your oarents want it more than you do
Z:haha dude I went to see your brother Sunday! he wasn't home though, immigrant.
S: yeah he got home last night....he is a ****ing immagrent
Z: get along with him ok?
S: no actually not at all, especially since he found out about the weed, and the thing that bothers me is not that he knows and is mad because i know he doesn't approve it but it s the fact that he blames it on everyone else, he blames my drinking, bad grades and weed on everyone else but me, like J or my friends when its my choice all along and i try to explain that to him but it doesn't work and that makes the relationship even worse because he hates all the people i am with, ya get it??
Z: oh God.. I wanted so badly to talk to him about that, along with his life; habits and perceptions
S: yeh like i know hes gonna be pissed aboput how i am more like chris then him, but he just can't ****ing understand that i am content with my life like this, he thinks i should be upset about it but i am not , AT ALL
Z: mmm hmm, but it's natural he's going to have some worries. I think he's overreacting ridiculously with the weed thing, and that it has to be understood that it is a drug of some people's personalities - like you've told me it helps you concentrate. On the other hand, some worries are fair - I have likewise concern for some aspects of your life.. but he doesn't understand that it's debatable
S: yeah i get that and i am not asking him to accept it but he blowing EVERYTHING out of proportion
what concerns do you have?
Z: well I'm not all that updated on your school situation, but the whole precarious graduation thing is making me totally ill. you're smart, not at all the type I saw going through this routine 2 or so years ago, at the same time I really don't know what you want out of your own mind and obvious potential - and that is a personal wish one has to respect. Other than that, I'm always weary of Jay. I know guys very well, and he's already proven time and again that he's not good enough for you. It seems routine that he's come back to get into your pants
S: yeah i honestly have NO CLUE what i am doing when it comes to school, so i am a little stressed about that but to me high school just isn;t that big of a deal so....
as for jay, i really do appriciate the concern and i know how it was last time and thats why i was a lot morre cautious going into it again, but the truth is i really like him and he treats me really well and its not at all like it was last time so??? i dunno
Z: I hope he treats you really well in all the RIGHT ways. just watch out that he's not doing a little dance to get what he's come back for
keep in mind I'm still a little jaded about relationships. I broke up with ***** months ago and it still leaves a bad taste haha
S: yeah when i first broke up with J i was heart broken cuz i never liked anyone as much as i did him, we are a lot alike
so when i had i second chance of course i took it because, i still had feelings for him but i wasn't about to just jump right back in...i made him work for me to prove that he was sincere...and yeah i am still beibg more careful cuz i don't want it to end badly again and i know it sounds bad that i was like playing mind games but it was for my own good so??
Z: no no no, don't worry... all guys know girls play mind games for that reason - They never know how they're reacting to it though. Some guys react by playing into the request for as long as they need to, others by cutting to the chase in a defiant and apparently arrogant bid to treat the other like a real person, rather than patronize. and there are so many more in between, its hilarious to watch these kind of things unravel
Z: It's only the girls responsibility to make sure she's sincerely being cared for, that's what I love about the game - their methods are just as morally just as the rest
S: yeah i think we finally cut to the chase and he knows that i won't put up with bullshit and the moment that happens i am gone...ya like i am not usually the type to get twisted up in stupid relationship games but every situation is different
Z: what kind of games do you mean, and which did you see played in the past reltionship?
S: well last time it was a bid to see who would do more work in the realtionship...thats ****ing bullshit and finaally i called him on it and that was the end of that
now there aren't games anymore i just played hard to get at the beginning to see how much he really wanted this to work, you know not always being available for him
Z: Naturally, and that is exactly the expected persona in terms of getting what you want - getting serious and sharp fits well with other facets of your actions.. It seems this aroused a sudden dedication out of him rather than an ongoing borderline thing, no?
S: what?? explain in more simpler terms
Z: well I said that what you've described fits your personality, from what I've seen in your everyday attitude - that what you did was the best course given your own identity. How he reacted to it though, I'm asking - because I don't know him personally. I'm assuming that he appeared in a month long blitz, that you hadn't been in REAL ongoing contact beforehand
Z: haha sorry I was talking to my little cousin who's staying for Christmas... she's so cute
S: (12:44 PM) well we broke up at the very beginning of summer and decided to go seperate ways for the summer and then we became friends first but for some reason me and him just can't do the friend thing like we thought once we started hanging out we would just stay friends but we didn't and now we are where we are...i dunno like he'll come and hang out with my friends and me so that we can hang out and he'll come over just to say hi when i am busy with something else and can't go out just little things like he usually phones me and he askes me to do something
do you think the way things started between us is weird or bad or fake??
Z: (12:50 PM) well for short - in something that hasn't been, definitely a good thing. A guy showing that kind of interest when nothing has been firmly established before is the desire for the conception of that relationship - to experience it and hopefully love it indefinitely, permanently. When there has been off and on instances in the relationship itself, the renewed interest lends as a kind of desire for one part of the relationship that's missed, rather than the whole, or the creation of a new whole
buuuuut... I need more detail to make a really fair assumption
S: (12:52 PM) yeah i understand what you're saying and i am honestly not sure of how things will end up between us but all i know is right now things are good and fun and as for what will happen next i guess we'll have to see but i am not going to worry about it cuz i like how things are right now
Z: (12:56 PM) that's definitely the most important step whether we want it to be or not, the present. Worrying isn't fun, but knowing is.. that's when you live life.
Strange world 
S: (12:57 PM) yes it is, hmmm now you have me second guessing everything.....
Last edited by Zylka on 25-12-2002 at 02:11
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Zylka
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In a very basic way of putting it, yes. Yet it's the themes of personality of both involved In which I wonder. Ask questions pertaining to personal context on my side and I can supply. Though there is only so much I can know of myself and her, and this little piece seems rich in intention and hints of each other.
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Zylka
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Actually I think you need some basic context that can't be derived from this text. I've had feelings for her for about a year, and haven't really acted on it all of that time - did once with a kiss but never followed through. Throughout that time we had been rather snappy to each other. We would hang out now and again but haven't been for a while recently. As of lately I've been barraging her with invitations, to her "I'm busy, later this week?" refusals
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Zylka
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... and those are good responses, thanks. To tell you the truth, I’m really also looking for line by line hyper analytical answers as to what the both of us are really trying to say with each response – and of course their detailed summation. Every message I received went through a trillion different possible hidden meanings, and I feel too erratic to make concrete assumptions today.
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Zylka
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First post/day - Beautiful.. subtly different then what I arrived at. I was trying so hard to be condescending, don't know if it came off that way or if it was a good idea.
Take note on one interpretive piece thats' character lingers through the bulk of the messages yet to come:
save some for me for new years!!
I laughed, hard. We were talking about drugs - but she often teases in very, very discreet ways.
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Zylka
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Oh God
For most of you out there, it would help to at least say that you just don't care for its length, subject, subjects, whatever. Then again, NO ONE thinks in these f*cked up over-analytical terms, do they?
Hahahaha oh man, I don't know if the situation or the mindset approaching it is begging for a solution. Is anyone taking psych in school, and do you take it seriously?
ha.. aahh
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Zylka
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Ok, that's good clarification. I was serious about that bit of advice, it seems so basic but it totally escaped me until you mentioned. Telling her everything at once would be a bit much I assume, she's told me specifically before that she's not a heart to heart talk kind of person.
I have never been so complicated in thought over a girl. Going to the bars and screwing is easy enough, persuasion over something you seemingly want for good is insanity.
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Zylka
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You are a scholar. In this vein however, it does come down to knowing when she needs to talk, and when she needs to have fun. I think just being there often enough will be a good strategy, dropping by more often, keeping in contact on a regular basis.
Aggh... but that is a problem in itself, knowing how much space to give. I don't know if/when girls get sick of a guy being around them, and therefore keep my distance - too much to ever start something official
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Apocalypse
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Lexington, VA: College - Houston, TX: Home
Aug 2005
time: 00:24
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quote:
Originally posted by Zylka
You are a scholar. In this vein however, it does come down to knowing when she needs to talk, and when she needs to have fun. I think just being there often enough will be a good strategy, dropping by more often, keeping in contact on a regular basis. |
I've given girls advice on this kind of stuff. They thought I was gay so they opened up pretty well. My former friend with benefits is the one who told them this, they didn't base it on how I act.
quote:
Originally posted by Zylka
Aggh... but that is a problem in itself, knowing how much space to give. I don't know if/when girls get sick of a guy being around them, and therefore keep my distance - too much to ever start something official |
With my current girlfriend, I just make sure I never contact her three (arbitrary number, but works) times in a row. If I had called/instant messaged her three times in a row, I won't talk to her again until she first makes contact with me. If she askes me to call or im her, that doesn't count as me making first contact because she asked me to and I typically do whatever she wants.
I don't make it obvious that I am doing this though, I just make it look like I enjoy making her happy. Thus she doesn't try to take advantage of my niceness because she isn't trying to be dominant or anything because otherwise the effect would be lost.
But back to the topic, just having a set number of times works. Also, if she mentions something about not feeling well or something to that affect, you can ask if there is anything you can do. If she replies no, then it means she probably had enough talking for now.
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Zylka
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Hehehe.. funny you mention that
Three times in a row she gave me the "I'm sick..." thing, and I called her on it immediately. She responded, "well, if that's the way you see it - ok"
A week later she came back with "hey, how's it goin, just checking to see if you're still on your period - because if you are I'll just check back in another 5-7 days!"
So far, this girl owns me.. she's a prize to work for indeed
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Zylka
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I think you play more games then you tend to believe. That is, however - reassuring.
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Zylka
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That sounds a little dangerous to me. Given it isn't as bad as trying to influence and change her personality to adore and imitate yours... but, someone's going to get bored quickly
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25-12-2002 02:04
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