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gooberboob
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Poland... I love Poland
Oct 2002
time: 23:24
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The wet packing sound of fists to flesh echoed from the other side of the cold aluminum door. Thock thock thock SLAMMMM three blows by Yuute and Scratch had made an impressive dent in the metal of this portal.
"Sorry about that, Yuute Hergeshlervenshvicschlocken here, just making another ummmm 'Impression' yeah, that's what I'm doing. I'm sorry to say that Scratch is now dead... little bugger didn't even fiight, he kinda just threw up all over everything... but I've been trained to hate him, so if I see him, I beat him "
"Anyway, you are here because you want a story, and I am now here because Goober cannot put up with whining very long, and any thread he starts he reads at least 60 times a day to get his view count up."
((Author's note: That's not true, I only read it like 58 times or if I'm really busy like getting married or something, then I read it like at MOST 57 times, really.))
"Anyhow, it looks like I'm Scandinavian eh? And according to what I told you guys before, it looks like I must reflect on my life in Scandinavia, well, here goes."
In a CRAPPY country, minutes away by concorde jet......
"Hergeshlervenshvicschlocken!! Get your patookus out here and clean these clubs pronto!!"
Clubs... that's right, clubs. It was 1842 and here I was cleaning retarded arse-raping sticks of crappiness.
"FVCK THIS! I'm going to America!"
I didn't care if I was the best club cleaner in the most technologically advanced unit of the Scandinavian army, I'd rather be sailing, so I hijacked a galley and burned water... err ummm whatever, I made the boat go fast... to America!
Fifteen minutes later, I got to move 3 more squares... it was great!!
Fifteen and a half minutes later, I got to move 3 more squares... it was still great, albeit not as great as the first time.
Four hours later, moving 3 squares was just pissing me off. Luckily, I could see America.
Fifteen minutes later, I was there!!
I came into the harbor of New York, and was greeted by a ... you'll never believe this... a gigantic green woman, surely a woman of such girth would be able to handle the last name of Hergeshlervenshvicschlocken!
"Heey baby, I'm Yuute, Yuute Hergeshlervenshvicschlocken."
"THAT'S MY LINE!!!!"
Shaka charged me from nowhere, what an a-hole, just because I CAN talk like Barry White and he can't, now here he was trying to take my woman.
"Don't make me do to you what I did to Scratch... Shaka"
"Who the hell are you to tell me what to do?"
"I am Yuute Hergeshlervenshvicschlocken, you raped my brother, prepare to die!"
I don't have a brother, but I wanted to see if he'd ever raped a guy.
"Scratch's last name is Hergeshlervenshvicschlocken?"
"No, now I'm gonna kill you for even mentioning it!"
Indeed I killed Shaka, but his spirit still lived on.
"Heeeey baby... AWWW it's a dude!!!"
Shaka went to H E double hockey sticks, I got to go to jail because I was an illegal immigrant, and apparently in America, killing is wrong.
------
I hope this will tide you guys over for a while.
Last edited by gooberboob on 13-01-2003 at 00:39
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vovan
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Last edited by vovan on 16-01-2003 at 07:54
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gooberboob
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Poland... I love Poland
Oct 2002
time: 23:24
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"The big house, up the river, the slammer..."
"Ummmm... All good names for a nightclub frequented by homosexuals!!"
In prison, we enjoyed playing a game called Tribond, in which an inmate would come up with three words or phrases, and the other inmates would guess them... I always said 'All good names for a nightclub frequented by homosexuals,' because it made the other guys laugh, and made me sound intellegent at the same time.
"Hergeshlervenshvicschlocken!"
I was startled to hear someone pronounce my last name correctly.
"I am he, what is it?"
"You are being deported to Canada?"
"Canada? I'm not Canadian!!"
"According to our records, only a Canadian would try to marry the Statue of Liberty."
"But all you've got on that little pad is a picture of a cowboy shooting a mountie with an oversized six-shooter."
He then pulled an oversized six-shooter out of his back holster.
"Bring me one of them suits and you can go free."
"Sure thing boss."
I took the gun and headed north, but not before I stopped to say goodbye to my only true love (up untill that point).
------
I was not actually planning on bringing back a Mountie uniform, after all, the idiot just let out a convicted murderer... I had more pleasurable goals in mind, so when I arrived in Toronto, I walked promptly into a cheap motel's main office, you try walking from the East River to Toronto and not be tired, and you'll see why this was so pleasurable.
Anyways, I spent all of my money on a cruddy room with a clean bed, which was much more preferable than a clean room with a cruddy bed... I refuse to sleep in a cruddy bed unless the only other option is pure crud.
The next morning I planned to find some honest work... or a sugar mommy, whichever seemed more feaseable first thing after a good night's sleep.
---
We'll find out what Mr. Hergeshlervenshvicschlocken has in store in the next installment.
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SKILORD
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Live free or Die
Mar 2002
time: 05:24
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I hardly brownnose him scratch. brown nose implies that I am hoping to please him with my compliments, I do not care whether he is pleased or not, I enjoy his stories and therefore write feedback, and yes, pay homage in mine, but I was really tired at the time and it seemed like a good idea, in addition to being rather funny.
You want disgrace scratch? disgrace is getting so worked up over a minor misunderstanding to allow it to ballon to such levels and then leaving, I dare you to work out the life or death problem you and goob have created out of a smilie. You won't even stand to fix yourself here, you will march off with a grudge because you lack the balls to admit that maybe it wasn't the best conceived plan, even though every singlr poster has apoligised for overreacting. Disgrace is lowering yourself from an hnored writer to a coward and deserter.
You want feedback? look at your about the pukey smilie thread, everone who posted there wants you to stay, they have gathered and composd two (2) pages on the subject of 'Why Scratch Shouldn't leave. Your apologies from us are gathered there, goob may be too much of an ass to apologise, but that is no reason for you to leave.
I'll miss you scratch, you can read the rest of manifest destiny at CFC if you want.
last word to you :goodjob: I hope you are happy, we have all been washed blameless by your pukey smiley thread (maybe not goob, but he is guilty only of holding a grudge)
I hate the middle finger smilie.
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gooberboob
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Poland... I love Poland
Oct 2002
time: 23:24
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As you may have guessed, the author of this story doesn't have anyone to do tonight, so he's just gonna write this story about me until he's bored, have fun reading about my excursions in Canada.
Well, I got up the next morning and walked northwest for a long time. Eventually I made it to a lumbering camp, and smelling steaks on the grill, I immediately inquired if there was a position to be filled in this fine establishment.
"I wish to inquire as to the availability of a position within your fine establishment."
"What?"
"Want food, need work."
"Ohh... Heh heh I give you work if you need work."
"Great... when is dinner?"
"No food until you work!"
"I can't work on an empty stomach, I'm sure you're a good enough of a cook that you could impress me with your culinary skill"
"But of course I impress you! I'm French you silly Scandinavian pig dog! I'll boil your bottom and make castanets out of your testicles already!"
"What?"
"Oh... I was in a Monty Python movie in a previous life."
"Well, will I be fed anything or not?"
"Food is in the mess hall... now go away before I taunt you a second time!"
I scurried off to dinner where I met a very interesting character named Paul Bunyan.
"Wha'd you say yer name was?"
"Her-Hergeshlervenshvicschlocken... Yuute Hergeshlervenshvicschlocken, from Scandinavia."
"Hergishlerwhatenocken?"
"Umm... close enough."
"Why'd you come here?"
"Food"
"You want lots of food, you should meet my cousin of the same name as myself."
"Really? Why's that?"
"He makes flapjacks as big as houses, and does all the work while the men just try to dodge his feet."
"Where does he work?"
"Down in the US"
"That's too bad, I was just convicted of several crimes causing my deportation to Canada from there."
"Wha'd ya do?"
"I was charged with "attempted seduction of a National Landmark.. and regicide."
"Regicide... I didn't know it was a crime to kill guys named Reggie."
"Actually it was Shaka, king of the Zulu."
"King of the WHOLOO?"
"They're a people in Africa who go around trying to pick up chicks and failing miserably."
"Well ya seem like an alright feller Yuute... welcome to tha camp, now lets chow while the grub's still hot!"
"Here Here!"
We chowed like madmen... hungry madmen, and soon my belly felt as rotund as some of the others' looked. That was when I saw the most beautiful sight I had ever laid eyes upon.
----
I think this is a good segway into the next story.
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gooberboob
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Poland... I love Poland
Oct 2002
time: 23:24
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Hey, it's Yuute, Goober's gonna make you guys wait, he says it depends on whether or not he gets back with his girlfriend, she's pretty hot, but she's like the school's bicycle, you know, everyone gets a ride.
Anyway, if he gets back with her, the story will probably continue on a regular basis, otherwise it probably won't come untill next weekend.
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12-01-2003 15:22
but oh, well, any way. 
Boooo 
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