19-01-2003 07:05									#1
	Hey cat! Stop stepping on my crotch! Support Apolyton, pre-order Civilization IV

So I'm sitting on the Comfy Chair, watching TV, drinking a bottle of wine (I've started to like Chardonnay, though I used to hate white wine), reading my book during the commercials, and what should happen to transpire? Taco the cat decides that it would be a good idea to take a nap on my gut! That's fine, more power to the cat, I freely admit that my gut is probably a pretty comfy place to take a nap if you happen to weigh eight pounds. But why, dear Taco, do you have to knead me before settling down for your nap? I'm not going to become any less lumpy by virtue of the fact that you're jumping all over me. More to the point, why bother stepping all over my testicles, if you're not even planning on napping on my crotch? I fail to see the point.

She looks innocent. Believe me, she's not. She's been endowed with Emasculation powers beyond our ken.

Attachment: taco new years.jpg
This has been downloaded 197 time(s).

	19-01-2003 07:28									#2
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Dammit! I hoped this was the long-awaited thread on the subject of beastiality.

	19-01-2003 07:31									#3
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Nah, that ****'s only cool with monkeys, man. Otherwise it's a sin against God and Snoggo.

	19-01-2003 07:33									#4
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Yeah but everything else has already been discussed. Beastiality deserves its shot in the limelight.

	19-01-2003 07:40									#5
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Good point. The board could use some variety...

	19-01-2003 07:48									#6
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So... to lower the tone even further; if you were trapped on a desert island with no women and no hands to what dark level would you deign to stoop in order to fulfill your raging sexual desires?

	19-01-2003 07:54									#7
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Coconut-****ing.

	19-01-2003 07:58									#8
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no hands? now that's just cruel.

	19-01-2003 08:00									#9
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That's like that Twilight Zone/Futurama episode. "Ah, thanks to that nuclear war that wiped out all of mankind, I'm finally left in peace to read to my heart's content. Ahh, I've broken my glasses! Oh, wait, nevermind, I'm farsighted. Ahh, my eyes, I've lost my eyes! Whew, good thing I learned Braille. Ahh, my hands, my hands have fallen off! Noooooo...."

	19-01-2003 08:04									#10
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quote: Originally posted by Azazel no hands? now that's just cruel.

Come on. With hands it'd be too easy.

Mind you, try screwing a sheep without! They don't half struggle!

	19-01-2003 08:09									#11
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hmmm, gotta tune into futurama more often.

Faboba: ewwwwww.. yuck yuck yuck.

	19-01-2003 08:30									#12
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Now the cat's hitting the 'esc' key with her head while I'm trying to type a response! Will her madness never end???

	19-01-2003 08:34									#13
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quote: Originally posted by loinburger Now the cat's hitting the 'esc' key with her head while I'm trying to type a response! Will her madness never end???

I miss having a cat....

You know how people are supposed to be either cat people or dog people? I used to imagine myself the latter and want a dog. But over time I've come to realise I much prefer a pet I can respect.

	19-01-2003 08:42									#14
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We had a dog for about 9 months (this was close to 10 years ago), but had to adopt it away when my brother's allergies meant that we couldn't keep it. Good Lord was that thing dumb! Cute, though.

We also had a guinea pig named Buster Brown, back when I was about 3 and my brother was about 5. Well, same thing as with the dog, we were allergic to the damn thing, so my parents "gave it to a better home." Twelve years later I got to thinking, "Wait a minute, nobody[ wants a used guinea pig!" So I ran to my brother, and said, "Hey, I think that Mom and Dad killed Buster Brown!" Oh, did he ever get pissed! So we both confronted Mom and Dad, and said, "Hey, guys, you remember Buster Brown? Our guinea pig from twelve years ago? Well, whatever happened to him?" Our parents (not knowing the trap we'd set) said, "Oh, that smelly thing? We put it to sleep." Wooooo-dan! My brother and I were royally pissed off at the fact that we'd been lied to twelve years ago, believe you me! My parents still haven't heard the end of it, seven-odd years later...

Anyway, long story short, I think that I'm still more of a dog person, even though most of them are undoubtedly dumber than cats. Taco's the best cat on the planet, but most other cats in my experience are too unfriendly.

	19-01-2003 21:25									#15
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quote: Originally posted by Faboba So... to lower the tone even further; if you were trapped on a desert island with no women and no hands to what dark level would you deign to stoop in order to fulfill your raging sexual desires?

[straightlaced]

Without hands, your sexual urge is your least problem. Think food, water, and shelter.

[/straightlaced]

	19-01-2003 21:40									#16
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I loved having cats while I was growing up. The problem was the local coyotes also loved the cats so we seemed to go throw the little felines on a fairly regular baises.

	19-01-2003 21:42									#17
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Oh please...everyone knows such a situation would only arise on desert islands with a shallow cave system that include a spring-fed pool and cave fungi that glow in the dark, provide all nutritional needs and tastes like filet mignon, pizza or chocolate, depending on which part you eat.

	19-01-2003 21:47									#18
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So are you saying if you lost your hands you wouldn't wonder how you're going to get your nut off?

	19-01-2003 21:54									#19
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Oh, this would be a problem.


Me: "here kitty kitty kitty kitty "
Tiger: get the **** away you pervert.

	19-01-2003 22:23									#20
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quote: Originally posted by The Mad Monk Oh please...everyone knows such a situation would only arise on desert islands with a shallow cave system that include a spring-fed pool and cave fungi that glow in the dark, provide all nutritional needs and tastes like filet mignon, pizza or chocolate, depending on which part you eat.

That could be a good way of detecting these cave systems.

* Urban Ranger looks at TMM

Hi there

	20-01-2003 00:51									#21
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quote: Originally posted by Faboba Dammit! I hoped this was the long-awaited thread on the subject of beastiality.

It's "bestiality". Whcih is quite scary when you think about it... who decided that sex with animals is "best"?!

	20-01-2003 00:55									#22
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Some shepherd in Macedonia.

	20-01-2003 01:57									#23
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claws or no claws on the cat?

	20-01-2003 02:42									#24
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Back claws, no front claws. If she had front claws then my stomach would have been shredded long ago...

	20-01-2003 03:17									#25
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same here. our kitty is great too.

	20-01-2003 03:59									#26
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quote: no front claws

	20-01-2003 06:23									#27
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quote: Originally posted by loinburger Back claws, no front claws. If she had front claws then my stomach would have been shredded long ago...

then learn to deal with it.

	20-01-2003 06:30									#28
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my cat always had claws in when he batted at me or needed me

Jon Miller

	20-01-2003 08:26									#29
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quote: Originally posted by H Tower then learn to deal with it.

It still hurts when she steps on my balls, claws or no claws. (Besides, she usually uses her hind legs to emasculate me, but even if her claws are out they're not sufficient to shred my jeans.)

	20-01-2003 08:38									#30
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The same happens here.

Cat scrotch stepping is a universal problem.