21-01-2003 10:43									#31
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Oh, well, if we're using TV examples, look at how ****ed up it was between Ross and Rachel, and, on the other hand, how good it was between Chandler and Monica.

	21-01-2003 10:51									#32
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quote: Have you ever had a friend of the opposite sex, who is probably one of your best friends, and then you realize how much you like her - and not in a "she's cute I wanna nail her" way, either?

Yes, definately yes...
But if I ever asked her out I'd lose my best drinking buddy

	21-01-2003 10:52									#33
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Why do you say that?

	21-01-2003 10:53									#34
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David

i'm 25 year old guy and my best friend of the past 12 years is a girl, and while there have been times since i've known her that I would have wanted to try to have something more with her i'm glad that we never did

i think it is impossible to have a friendship between a girl and a guy that is completely devoid of all sexual tensions for hetrosexuals, but i think that in most cases it is best not to act on them here's why:

1) by simply trying to date this girl you could irrepreably damage your friendship

2) you could date her and if it doesn't work out again you lose your friendship

3) if you've known her for a year and a half and you just know see a side of her that you are attracted too, i'm questioning your chemistry, if she was somebody you really wanted to be with you would have known that a long time ago, and if you have wanted to get with her for a while why did you wait this long to start thinking about making your move?

you're really not telling us much tho

*are you best friends or causual friends?
*how long have you been attracted to her physically?
*when did you suddenly start wanting to date her?
*has she ever given you signal that make you think she wants to date you?
*how long have you been single? what about her?
*what is both of your past records in relationships like?

all of those things will impact you two being together?

	21-01-2003 10:54									#35
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quote: 3) if you've known her for a year and a half and you just know see a side of her that you are attracted too, i'm questioning your chemistry, if she was somebody you really wanted to be with you would have known that a long time ago, and if you have wanted to get with her for a while why did you wait this long to start thinking about making your move?

Oh, it isn't sudden at all.

And yes, there's lot's of stuff I'm not telling you. And I'm not gonna, either

	21-01-2003 10:57									#36
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lol

the best advice comes from knowing all sides of the problem, but i can always give you half assed advice

so you've liked her for a while, so is it like a year and a half or not?

	21-01-2003 10:58									#37
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Sorta, but I basically ignored it for most of that time, for various reasons.

	21-01-2003 11:01									#38
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because she had a boyfriend?
now be truthful, were you the guy who was always there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on, because you were just her "good friend" when in reality you always wanted to be with her or is it different?

	21-01-2003 11:02									#39
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It's different, and don't make too many assumptions

	21-01-2003 11:07									#40
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i'm making assumptions to rule out possibilities

ok so there is this girl you've know for a year and half, and you've always kinda liked her, but for unnamed reasons you've ignored it

a couple more questions come to mind

what has changed about the situation to make now the right time to go for it?

what kind of relationship are you in the mood for?

with what i know i think something either really light, like just going out on the occasional fun date or something with lots of potential for commentment could work, but something in between raises red flags to me

	21-01-2003 11:08									#41
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tell her how you feel, be completely honest, and when she shoots you down be sure to say "I hope we can still be friends"



haha, I'm just kidding DF. Best of luck, I've been in your shoes before...

	21-01-2003 11:09									#42
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quote: tell her how you feel, be completely honest, and when she shoots you down be sure to say "I hope we can still be friends"

Bastard!

korn,

Looking for a serious relationship. Couldn't care less about casual dates, etc., - I can do that whenever I want, if I'm so inclined.

	21-01-2003 11:12									#43
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quote: I can do that whenever I want, if I'm so inclined.

Almost convincing

haha, sorry I'm going to stop ragging on you...

at least in this thread

	21-01-2003 11:13									#44
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Damn, orange

	21-01-2003 11:15									#45
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seriously if you just come out and say "hey i like you, wanna go out" and there wasn't any indication of it before then you're putting her in a bad situation if she doesn't feel the same way

since she is your friend she isn't going to want to hurt you, but since you probably know her pretty well when she tries to lie to not hurt your feelings you're going to know it and still get hurt

lots of times people you are really close to just totally lose all flirting cues from you, and won't see a hookup attempt coming, and it'll put space between you in most cases

again i'm assuming that she is either a really good friend or a best friend, if she is just a casual friend then it doesn't matter too much, if that is the case go for it, but still clue her in before you tell her you like her with lots and lots of flirting

	21-01-2003 11:16									#46
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quote: Originally posted by monkspider I don't agree with Asher at all, I find that best friends or good friends often make the best foundations for sucessful relationships. After all, the old saying is "Happiest is the groom who marries his best friend." I say you go for it Dave.

Agreed.

That's the best kind of relations, really, because you two are already compatible.

	21-01-2003 11:18									#47
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quote: Looking for a serious relationship. Couldn't care less about casual dates, etc

wanting commitment is good in this situation, otherwise you probably would be throwing away a friendship

	21-01-2003 11:20									#48
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quote: Originally posted by David Floyd You'd think it'd be easy, wouldn't you?

It is. Just remember Frederick the Great's saying: L'audace, l'audace, toujours l'audace.

In other words, go for it, don't sit on your tush and analyze what if scenarios.

	21-01-2003 11:24									#49
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quote: quote: Originally posted by monkspider I don't agree with Asher at all, I find that best friends or good friends often make the best foundations for sucessful relationships. After all, the old saying is "Happiest is the groom who marries his best friend." I say you go for it Dave. Agreed. That's the best kind of relations, really, because you two are already compatible.

i disagree here
first we all know that UR is simply agreeing with monk to put him at odds with Asher

secondly
while i think you should become best friends with the person you are with, that a lasting passionate relationship will develop out of the way you relate to somebody, and that spark will make itself known from the begining
it shouldn't take years to figure out if you wanna be with somebody, you should know it right from the begining, although the situation you find yourself in could mean that you will have to settle for only being a person friend for the time being

	21-01-2003 11:25									#50
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quote: it shouldn't take years to figure out if you wanna be with somebody, you should know it right from the begining,

	21-01-2003 11:28									#51
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hehe if that's the case david then you asked us the wrong question

what you should of asked is this:
how do i make this girl who only thinks of me as a friend like me back?

	21-01-2003 11:31									#52
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What is this weirdness thing? I don't understand that! Why is it weird for two bestfriends to become more than friends? I understand that it could end badly and damage the relationship, but why would someone suddenly become uncomfortable around someone that they tell their deepest secrets to??!

Sorry, I won't bring my own demented life into this.

I think you should go for it David, I'm definetely of the opinion that beginning a romantic relationship with someone you don't know is just asking for trouble. Whereas with a bestfriend you absolutely no the two of you get along well. I also would do whatever it takes to keep a best friend, even if the romantic relationship ended badly, but my mind works strangely.

	21-01-2003 11:32									#53
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quote: how do i make this girl who only thinks of me as a friend like me back?

Oh, but that question sounds SO 6th gradish

	21-01-2003 11:36									#54
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But it's a totally different question!

	21-01-2003 11:36									#55
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If you've fallen in love with her already and you're just looking to find a way to make her love you back, it's totally different than starting off as two friends and wondering if you should persue her...

	21-01-2003 11:47									#56
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quote: Originally posted by korn469 i disagree here first we all know that UR is simply agreeing with monk to put him at odds with Asher

No. I agree with him because he's a comrade

	21-01-2003 11:50									#57
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Lorizael

the weirdness thing comes from turning a comfortable relationship intosomething that could be less comfortable but more rewarding if it works out, lots of times you are best friends with people of the opposite sex who are nothing like the people you wanna date

In my experience relationships have more stress than friendships do simply because there is more potential for getting your heart broken. A person could have more than one best friend at once, but it is highly doubtful they will have more than one serious committed relationship at once. Friendship is based around shared interests, mutual respect, and acceptance if not approval of your friend's behavior. While friendship is an important part of a good relationship, all of the shared interests in the world don't add up for that thing in your heart that makes you completely happy when you are around the person you love and completely miserable when you aren't. Simply because you have lots in common with a person doesn't make you two soulmates. There has to be that crazy emotional attachment to them that makes you wanna spend all of your time together plus having all of those shared interests, and I don't think it takes that long to figure out if it exists or not.

quote: Oh, but that question sounds SO 6th gradish

david there is always the 6th grade solution to your problem...

give her a letter that says "if you like me check the first box, if not check the second"

	21-01-2003 11:51									#58
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She'd probably get a good laugh out of that, actually

	21-01-2003 12:10									#59
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i usually shy away from situations like that. also most of my female friends are my best friends girlfriends.

	21-01-2003 13:46									#60
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quote: Originally posted by korn469 In my experience relationships have more stress than friendships do simply because there is more potential for getting your heart broken.

No guts, no glory. If you don't take your chances, you will always remain at the same spot.