21-01-2003 09:39									#1
	Dating Between Friends Support Apolyton, buy Alpha Centauri

Have you ever had a friend of the opposite sex, who is probably one of your best friends, and then you realize how much you like her - and not in a "she's cute I wanna nail her" way, either?

Anyway, do you think this kind of thing is a good idea, and how would you approach this friend and keep the "weird" factor down?

All hypothetical, naturally

	21-01-2003 09:43									#2
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Are you in love?

	21-01-2003 09:44									#3
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Oh God I hope not

	21-01-2003 09:45									#4
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(considering how it worked out last time anyway)

	21-01-2003 09:46									#5
	Re: Dating Between Friends Browse Apolyton AD-FREE

quote: Originally posted by David Floyd Have you ever had a friend of the opposite sex, who is probably one of your best friends, and then you realize how much you like her - and not in a "she's cute I wanna nail her" way, either?

I've been on the other side of that.

Bad idea.

	21-01-2003 09:47									#6
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Man... you're in troubles

quote: All hypothetical, naturally :cute

The question should be: "is it possible to keep a friendship with someone of the opposite sex?"

However, I have a friend who is now the boyfriend of his traditionally best female friend... They're quite happy
I have no smart advices, but if she's your best friend I guess you wont have many problems in talking to her in a natural way (yeah, I know how this sounds... ).

	21-01-2003 09:48									#7
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You'd think it'd be easy, wouldn't you?

	21-01-2003 09:50									#8
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I have been only able to discover three reasons to date a woman:

1. To nail her.
2. To use her (not noble but still....)
3. To find out if you are in love or just have a stomach virus, similar feelings but one is over in a day or two, while the other results in at least 18 years of child support payments.

Go for it David. It's your natural right and if you don't you will regret it for the rest of your sorry life.

	21-01-2003 09:52									#9
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quote: Go for it David. It's your natural right and if you don't you will regret it for the rest of your sorry life.

Probably true. And the worst thing that could happen wouldn't really leave me any worse off than I am now, right?

"What's the worst thing that could happen, ********?"

"I could DIE!"

Where's that quote from?

	21-01-2003 09:54									#10
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If she's a casual friend, not a problem.
If she's a best friend or very good friend, big mistake.

	21-01-2003 09:54									#11
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Assuming she is the latter, why?

I also tend to agree with you, but just wanna hear your reasoning.

	21-01-2003 09:58									#12
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Well, the chances are you've grown to like her as a really good friend and your hormones are just getting the best of you.

A lot of people who get along great as friends can't stand being any more than friends, and once they break up that friendship is ruined forever...

	21-01-2003 09:59									#13
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I don't agree with Asher at all, I find that best friends or good friends often make the best foundations for sucessful relationships. After all, the old saying is "Happiest is the groom who marries his best friend."
I say you go for it Dave.

	21-01-2003 10:00									#14
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Assuming this even applies to me, and I'm not just speaking hypothetically, that is

	21-01-2003 10:01									#15
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I'm in the same boat, David, maybe a little farther along. I've asked her out and she's accepted.

"If she's a casual friend, not a problem.
If she's a best friend or very good friend, big mistake."

I'm interested as well, Asher.

	21-01-2003 10:02									#16
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Just dont violate her rights

	21-01-2003 10:03									#17
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quote: Well, the chances are you've grown to like her as a really good friend and your hormones are just getting the best of you.

Any other reasons?

	21-01-2003 10:03									#18
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Lawrence -

	21-01-2003 10:05									#19
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quote: Originally posted by David Floyd Any other reasons?

Look at it statistically:

The vast majority of relationships don't work out, is it worth the risk?

quote: I don't agree with Asher at all, I find that best friends or good friends often make the best foundations for sucessful relationships. After all, the old saying is "Happiest is the groom who marries his best friend."

If this were true, do you have any idea how high the percentage of gays in the population would be?

	21-01-2003 10:07									#20
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quote: The vast majority of relationships don't work out, is it worth the risk?

True, but how does the statistic look for people who were good friends first?

	21-01-2003 10:10									#21
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quote: Originally posted by David Floyd True, but how does the statistic look for people who were good friends first?

Not that much better.

Think of all of the little nuances and habits of hers you probably don't know, have you really spent a LONG time with her consecutively, etc?

Being friends and being partners is a different ballgame. Sometimes they work out together, but that's more of a rarity. Most of the time they don't work out...

	21-01-2003 10:14									#22
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quote: Originally posted by Asher Look at it statistically: The vast majority of relationships don't work out, is it worth the risk?

Ashie- Friends come and go, and are easily replaced. Unless she is a really, really, REALLY good friend, the type of unique friend who is truly irreplaceable, then there is virtually no risk at all, therefore no reason for David to not try to build a potentially very worthwhile relationship. And if even if she was that good of a friend, well, the chances are good that you have met the girl you will spend the rest of your life with Dave.

quote: If this were true, do you have any idea how high the percentage of gays in the population would be?

Speaking purely in terms of heterosexual relationships, of course it's true. Any girlfriend I have ever had any sort of a fruitful relationship with was the result of a solid foundation built upon friendship. The same goes for my girlfriend whom I currently live with. Relationships not built on friendship tend to be rather shallow and short-lived affairs in most cases.

	21-01-2003 10:16									#23
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monk,

You make some very good points (for a dirty communist )

	21-01-2003 10:17									#24
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Thanks Dave

Despite my tough commie exterior, I actually fancy myself as a bit of a relationship guru.

	21-01-2003 10:17									#25
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quote: Originally posted by monkspider Ashie- Friends come and go, and are easily replaced. Unless she is a really, really, REALLY good friend, the type of unique friend who is truly irreplaceable, then there is virtually no risk at all, therefore no reason for David to not try to build a potentially very worthwhile relationship.

I've already made a distinction between casual friend and best friend...

Casual friends are okay (easily replacable, etc) but true best friends are much more unique...

quote: Speaking purely in terms of heterosexual relationships, of course it's true. Any girlfriend I have ever had any sort of a fruitful relationship with was the result of a solid foundation built upon friendship.

So what happened to those old relationships now?

	21-01-2003 10:23									#26
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quote: Originally posted by David Floyd Have you ever had a friend of the opposite sex, who is probably one of your best friends, and then you realize how much you like her - and not in a "she's cute I wanna nail her" way, either? Anyway, do you think this kind of thing is a good idea, and how would you approach this friend and keep the "weird" factor down? All hypothetical, naturally

If you think it could work, go for it... no reason it can't work.

My girlfriend was my best friend (albeit for a short time after we met) and we're quite happy.

How long have you known her (if you didn't already say)?

	21-01-2003 10:26									#27
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year and a half

	21-01-2003 10:28									#28
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quote: Originally posted by Asher I've already made a distinction between casual friend and best friend... Casual friends are okay (easily replacable, etc) but true best friends are much more unique...

Well, so we agree that casual friends are of no consequence, fair enough. Best friends on the other hand are a very rare distinction. You may only have one or two friends that fit the uber status of "best friend". And if you have a best friend that is of the opposite sex then that is the ideal type of person that you want to build a serious relationship with anyway. As the old saying I quoted earlier goes, "Happiest is the groom who marries his best friend"....

quote: So what happened to those old relationships now?

Most have ended very amicably, and I still maintain an occasional correspondence with these girls. Only a couple ended in acrimony, and I attribute that directly to the fact that our relationships were friendship-based. And those that did are of no consequence, I certainly don't lose sleep over having a couple less friends, in exchange for some fruitful romantic experiences that resulted in increased overall maturity and a fond memory or two.
Besides, how many friends does a person really need? I only need one or two good ones. I may not speak for everyone, but I'm sure most people don't need all that many. A romantic relationship based on solid foundations is far more rare than the friends that may come and go. I would even say that a girlfriend (who is also a good friend) is worth a million common friends.

	21-01-2003 10:35									#29
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I think the direction these things head is inevitable. You can't fight Mother Nature. Hormones swirling around, pheromones stirred up, a look, a touch and bada bing.

	21-01-2003 10:40									#30
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Speculation is all fine and well but you such use real life examples to guide you. Jerry and Elaine slept together and then they just went back to being friends with no permanent negative consequences.

But then Elaine is a white girl and Jerry is Jewish so maybe if you are black you wouldn't want to use this as an example. I hear that a lot of black people don't like Jerry. I don't think Jerry dislikes black people, at least he seems to tolerate Kramer who I suspect of being half black or at least Greek.