07-02-2003 07:10									#1
	About Wedding Rings and Proposing. Support Apolyton, buy Civilization 2

Hi,

I'm in Singapore right now, seeing my girlfriend (I come from NZ), I've seen her for 2 years and known her for 6. We have a serious relationship, not a childish one.

We have already discussed marriage and that we are getting married next year; even though I have not proposed yet.

Anyway, I'm going to propose to her on Valentines Day, I thought, since I am here for 3 weeks and I won't see her again till October, I thought VDay would be a great time to propose since I will still be here on that day. (I leave on the 19th of Feb).

My problem is that, I've been told that there are two rings, the engagement ring, which you wear until the day you get married, and then the actual wedding ring, which you wear your entire life. Is this true? What other alternatives are there? (while staying in the boundries of christianity).


It's quite ironic, because right when I decided I would propose to her, she's started to get very annoying and frustrating; so naturally I am getting nervous and concerned. Divorce is not an option once we are married.

	07-02-2003 07:19									#2
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I gave my wife a dollar bill, rolled into a ring. Neither one of us are very materialistic, so we could save the horrific amounts of money spent on several rings (One or both of which contain expensive diamonds) for something more useful, like a home together.

I gave her a small sapphire ring soon after that as a gift, and we called it an engagement/promise ring.

We then picked our wedding ring set later, but her engagement ring will always be the dollar bill ring I gave her the night I proposed.

	07-02-2003 07:32									#3
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Do yourself a favor and make sure the Engagement ring is one she really likes. The style you buy will be analyzed forever by her and her women friends, and it will suggest to her whether or not or "really" understand her.

Since you have both discussed marriage, the idea that you may be looking for an Engagement ring will not come as a surprize. Trust me, she knows more about how close you are to proposing than you probably know yourself.

So let her "help" you to decide which style of ring would seem right to her.

And that goes triple for a Wedding ring!

Suggestion: When you are out together, drop into a jewler shop to have your watch "repaired" (pop out one of those little pins that holds the watch to the strap). While you are waiting, look at the Engagement rings and comment on a few. She will be sure to give you some strong clues on which styles she likes.

	07-02-2003 07:35									#4
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Well, actually I know what she wants, she's a decent and smart woman, she is not interested in glamour etc. She just wants two plain rings. I'm very sure I will be getting platinum.

	07-02-2003 07:47									#5
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note: Women hate being proposed to on days like Christmas, Valentines Day, etc. They don't want to have to share the day They also want 'extra' gifts. Hehe...

	07-02-2003 07:52									#6
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Geez, I am lucky to have my g/f if that's what your g/f's have pulled you through.

	07-02-2003 07:52									#7
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I think the engagement ring is worn for life too, my wife wears hers. You don't have to worry about the wedding rings till the wedding.

quote: It's quite ironic, because right when I decided I would propose to her, she's started to get very annoying and frustrating; so naturally I am getting nervous and concerned. Divorce is not an option once we are married.

Better find out why she's getting "annoying and frustrating" all of a sudden, although I tend to think it's probably a passing phase considering that you were together for two years.

That's great that you guys will probably get married. Marriage is takes work, but it is more than worth it! You will learn to be unselfish, and there is nothing better than having your lover and a best friend all rolled into one.

Good luck mate, and keep us posted eh?

	07-02-2003 07:54									#8
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I did a poor job of the whole proposal thing.
The only thing I got right was letting her choose the engagement ring.

	07-02-2003 07:55									#9
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quote: Originally posted by Sn00py Geez, I am lucky to have my g/f if that's what your g/f's have pulled you through.

no, my ex girlfriend put me through much, much worse.

	07-02-2003 07:58									#10
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My parents' anniversary is December 26th. My mother says that, while it seemed romantic at the time, she has regretted it ever since. Maybe that's why June weddings are so popular - a good spread among Christmas, Valentine's Day, and the anniversary.

BTW, I've never even been engaged. But I *have* heard numerous tales of misery from a lot of married guys who didn't make sure the Engagement ring was satisfactory to the bride-to-be.

	07-02-2003 07:58									#11
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Don't ask her on Valentine's Day. Make it a special and unique day which isn't a holiday.

	07-02-2003 08:38									#12
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**walks by thread......slams on breaks** Did someone say rings??? I do love good jewelry.

Ok, the guys are right on this one. If you are going to ask her on Valentines day.... the same day everyone else and their dog asks someone to get married.......... then make 110% sure that you make it the most special occassion of her life. Remember she will relive that moment over and over and over and over and.......well you get the picture so get it right the first time.

Since you have said you both aren't materialistic then find something that speaks to your heart and that you can live with.

We used the old addage that goes along with the wedding day, something old, something new, something borrowed etc...... My birthstone is ruby and a friend of mine had a beautiful ring filled with rubies and diamonds. She no longer wore it nor wanted to keep it so she passed it on to me for my something old and to put with it we got simple gold wedding bands.

Simplicity also gives you something to add to down the road as well. If you get that big job and make the big bucks for an anniversary you can always upgrade her original model or have a copy made with jewels or you can add matching jewelry to it which is what Steve did for christmas for me this year. He got a ruby and diamond cross that is almost a perfect match to my engagement ring. So you do have many options.

And don't feel alone on the two ring issue. That was a big sticking point for us before we got married.

	07-02-2003 09:53									#13
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see, 2 posts already agree with me

I talk sense, i really do!

	07-02-2003 10:48									#14
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Snoopy, give her a small gift when you propose (but not a ring).

Not every woman wants an engagement ring. Personally, I don't like rings with gems in raised mounts (like a typical engagement ring), so I opted for a wide gold wedding band. Your wife-to-be might want to do the same.

	07-02-2003 11:18									#15
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But isn't a band a bracelet?

	07-02-2003 11:20									#16
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I don't think anyone has actually answered my question yet.

But I asked someone in a chat room and she said that you can use the engagement ring for the wedding ring, it's much cheaper that way, but that you must wear the ring on the right hand, and then once married, move it over to the left hand. So I will do that. I am thinking of getting platinum as it will not lose its shine.

	07-02-2003 11:51									#17
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Better to let her choose the ring herself. Go together.

There are no hard and fast rules about wedding/engagement rings. Mrs Horse wears one. I don't because I won't wear jewellery of any kind.

Last edited by Alexander's Horse on 07-02-2003 at 12:22

	07-02-2003 11:54									#18
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quote: Originally posted by Alexander's Horse I don't because I won't wear jewellery of any kind.

	07-02-2003 11:54									#19
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In American usage, a wedding band is a ring. Mine looks like this:



Snoopy, if you want to use a band as an engagement ring, I strongly recommend that you let her choose the ring (instead of surprising her with one). If she's going to wear it for the rest of her life (or yours), you want to be certain that she likes it.

	07-02-2003 12:21									#20
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And she'll probably go for one that's practical and less expensive cause when you get married she'll be thinking about all the other stuff you need to buy

Nice ring Ann.

Mrs Horse has banned me from buying her jewellery

	07-02-2003 15:42									#21
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Hm, ok you have convinced me to let her decide, but it doesn't make the proposal very wonderful for her I think..

	07-02-2003 15:58									#22
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I was curious and did a bit of research. Gold rings are traditional as a papal decree specified engagement rings as an essential sign of betrothment and gold to require a financial commitment on the part of the groom to be. The third finger if the left hand is traditional for rings as it was thought a vein ran direct from this finger to the heart (something to do with the path the pain takes in an angina attack I suspect!).

There is no actual requirement for an engagement ring and the tradition of diamonds really only took off in the late 1930's following a De Beers advertising campaign.

My advice would be to try and create a special atmosphere by where you are or what you are doing when you propose. Then go and buy the ring together the next day. It worked for me.

	07-02-2003 16:37									#23
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ok, I got something I planned out, that I think she will really love

	07-02-2003 19:16									#24
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quote: Originally posted by Sn00py Hm, ok you have convinced me to let her decide, but it doesn't make the proposal very wonderful for her I think..

*sigh*

You don't need a ring to make the proposal. Take her out for a special dinner or something, ask her then.

Take her to the jewellery shop the next day.

Jewellery shop manners are very important. Let her decide what she wants. She will pick something probably less expensive but nicer than you would have. If you know each other well enough to get married she will know your budget already.

Don't say something dumb like you can have something up to this price or whatever. Its like putting a price on your love. Not a good look, but a common trap for mere males like us.

	07-02-2003 19:39									#25
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Sn00py...what a few people do is, after marriage, they 'fuse' the engagement and wedding rings together. My mom did it with hers, and I know a few others that have done it as well. But yes, two separate rings are traditional...the engagement ring (diamond or whatever) and a wedding band (the actual wedding ring) which is simply gold (and in some cases silver). But there should be a way to combine them after the ceremony so she can wear both.

	07-02-2003 19:46									#26
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I don't remember asking my partner to marry me, we stayed in that evening and I cooked dinner. What I do remember was going round the jewellery stores the next day to buy a ring. We went into one place and I started to get nervous because there were no prices on anything.

My partner to shop assistant: "How much is this ring" (as she tries it).

shop assistant: "£3,000"

my partner: "Hmmm, I don't like it as much as that one" (points to the previous ring she tried - that one was £2,000)

Me:
(imagine the silence when you want to gasp in shock but it gets stuck in your throat).

My partner then realised there was a serious risk I would pass out so she stopped the game and helped me out of the store and across the road to the car. We eventually bought a nice ring, which she still wears occasionally, for £160.

We still laugh about that day now, 14 years later.

	07-02-2003 19:53									#27
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Generally, Snoopy, the engagement ring should be a "surprise" but one that you prepare for. I don't think that she should help shop for the engagement ring, but you should ask her at least what she expects of it (what cut to the diamond, band preference (gold? platinum?), etc). Then you go out and shop for one, and then surprise her with it on Valentine's Day.

Consider this your first test: the shopping test, if you will. If you can prove that you're at least capable of listening to her about her needs, and then buying her something that makes her happy based upon what she told you, you're in like Flynn.

It used to be tradition that you spend 3 months current salary on the engagement ring*, but as for me, I had to spend WAY more than $75.

Otoh, you need to shop together for the wedding bands. Luckily, they'll be easier to shop for than the diamond, and cheaper too.

*That does imply that if you can't afford this, you're not in a financial position to get married.

Last edited by JohnT on 07-02-2003 at 20:00

	07-02-2003 20:30									#28
	Re: About Wedding Rings and Proposing. Lose 30 kilos (of popups)

quote: Originally posted by Sn00py It's quite ironic, because right when I decided I would propose to her, she's started to get very annoying and frustrating; so naturally I am getting nervous and concerned. Divorce is not an option once we are married.

Is this a big thing or just a little quarrel . . . if it has become a big issue, I woulkd postpone the engagement until you are more certain of your relationship. If its just a normal tiff, get engaged in whatever way suits you. For what its worth, here it is most common to buy a big diamond as an engagement ring which may continue to be worn with the wedding band. The wedding band is generally a plain band or maybe something with inset stones, more practical than the engagement ring for general wearing when active.

My wife generall wears both rings.