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Tuberski
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ACK!!! PTHBBPPPTTT!!!!
Feb 2002
time: 23:25
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What We Learn From Movies
Key lessons about life.
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
Ninjas flip out and kill people for no reason.
Most dogs are immortal.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade... at any time of the year.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of french bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off, even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition... even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. Even a bad German accent will do.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of BC Place.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology. As a matter of fact, we will have lost the ability to hit someone with a gun.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts... your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds... unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.
Not mine, but funny.
 ACK!
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MBD
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Mac computers are more popular with space-travelling alien races that here on Earth.
A frontierswoman can close her eyes, point her rifle up into the air, shoot and pick off an indian from a galloping horse.
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Nacht
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Amsterdam
May 2002
time: 06:25
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quote:
Originally posted by Tuberski
[COLOR=darkblue]
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
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This is more something I learned from playing first person shooters.
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Dr Strangelove
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quote:
Originally posted by Boris Godunov
From Star Wars:
Despite being elite soldiers, Stormtroopers cannot hit targets with any degree of accuracy. Perhaps their aim is hindered by their cumbersome, bright white armor, which is absolutely useless at protecting the wearer from laser blasters. |
It's not just Imperial Stormtroopers. Every nation on Earth, and off, exclusively employs inveterate drunks who, massed in squads of a dozen or more, are incapable of bringing down anyone at distances of less than 20 feet despite the fact that they are simultaneously emptying the magazines of fully automatic weapons.
Has anyone here ever seen the old cult classic "The King of Hearts"? Remember the scene where the German infantry company and the British infantry companies fire on each other at close range? That's truth in advertizing!
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Ironikinit
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I didn't see it, Dr. S. What happened?
A few things I've learned from movies:
Most people who use the internet will wind up in big trouble, maybe even dead.
Humphrey Bogart and Sylvester Stallone are taller than average, and much taller than people from countries other than the US, unless the person in question has been genetically modified.
Computer hackers always listen to techno music.
Teenagers who have sex will be killed by a maniac, catch AIDs, or go to prison.
Uneducated country folks like nothing better than anal rape and don't know what a toothbrush is.
Strippers and prostitutes are the most trustworthy people on the planet.
In the distant future, matter can be replicated or transported instantly, but electricity still goes through wires and sparks fly if the room so much as trembles.
If a man and a woman survive a dangerous situation, they are obligated to kiss passionately.
If you're a black male and work as a policeman or security guard, chances are you're dead meat.
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11-02-2003 07:23
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