12-02-2003 08:03									#1
	I found out I have a half-brother today Put an end to popups!

a long lost half brother if you will. I know that sounds like I'm lying. But it is the truth. I would never lie about something like that for attention. Then again I may

I am really divided over this. I really have no idea what to feel. This has affected me deeply. I guess my mom put him up for adoption many, many years ago. He is 40 years old now. I haven't met him, but my mom wrote social services to try to get in contact with him recently. And she did.

Anyways I don't want to get too personal here. I don't want this thread to get too personal.

I would guess if I was him I wouldn't want to actually meet the person who gave me away. Can you imagine how that must feel.

Is anyone here at Apolyton adopted?


**** I just don't know what to say. I'm just not in the mood to post here right now. I just want to hear your thoughts of this. And what would you do in both situations? Would you want to meet your brother? If you are the adopted one what does your existance mean?

:sigh:

Take care.

	12-02-2003 08:10									#2
	Support Apolyton or Terrorists Win

My parents told me I was adopted about 3 1/2 years ago. I was so happy.

Then they told me they were joking. A crushing feeling really.

This has a point, I'm not just complaining about my parents again.. You really can't tell how the guy feels. You might as well at least call him or send him a letter to find out.

	12-02-2003 08:13									#3
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i'd wanna meet him

	12-02-2003 08:14									#4
	Got spare money?

you live like the most shocking life.... First ur girlfriend died or something, then you rediscover your half-brother.

No, but I have a step brother and a sister.

	12-02-2003 08:14									#5
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I have 3 adopted siblings

Jon Miller

	12-02-2003 08:16									#6
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I have a half-brother somewhere also, don't worry to much about it, if he wants to meet you and his mother he will, if not, there isn't a lot you can do about it.

ACK!

	13-02-2003 03:44									#7
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization III: Complete

I have an older half brother, older half sister and a younger half sister. ( my father has been married 5 times) Because all his marriages ended badly none of us i guess ever wanted to contact the others. We all live in the same state and my younger half sister (8 years old) shares the exact same birthdate as me. When I was dating Rebecca I was comming around to start trying to find them but her death putme off of the idea. Now I don't know.

My suggestion is to let your mom and him work things out first before you get too anxious about it. Start slow by letters so that everyone has time to work out all the emotional aspects of it.

	13-02-2003 04:09									#8
	Avatar Enlargement: We've got the solution

No crap Dissident? My long lost half-sister just got in contact with my family this past week, and it has caused quite a stir with my father, sister and I. I wasn't going to mention anything since the boards are so flooded these days, but since there's a thread already...

After my father after my mother were divorced, he got hooked up (literally, he claims my half-sister's mother was a hooker, but her story and his isn't correlating) and had another child. She is 16 right now, and quite the angry teen, mostly due to her mother dying when she was 5 and for a father that basically abandoned her.

I went straight away to go meet her after we talked briefly on the phone, but our father really is avoiding her. I talked to him on the phone the other day, and words were spoken and basically I went to his house with a knife and things got bad. Once there, I realized he's not worth the effort- just another alchoholic baby-boomer washup.

	13-02-2003 05:07									#9
	Support Apolyton or Terrorists Win

It's just weird. You get this long term image of your family. And suddenly it changes. It almost doesn't seem real. Well I'm waiting to see if he wants to meet my mother first. He has written, but has not provided a location. If he does come to my city I would have no problem meeting him.

He has his problems I hear. But really he probably had it better off not growing up in my family. It was dysfunctional. He doesn't really know how good he had it. Who knows how my dad would have treated him since he wasn't my father's child.

	13-02-2003 05:23									#10
	Tired of ads?

I'm adopted, and I think your take on not wanting to meet people is off. At least in my case it is. IMO, an adopted person has a very strong desire to meet/know about genetic family members. You grow up with your adopted family, and they are your #1 family and you love them deeply, but you always feel like your name and heritage are sort of "borrowed".
I met my birth mother over 10 years ago and she is just the neatest lady, as are her family. Since I was the product of a date rape, I don't know or really have any desire to meet my biological father, though he lives just a few minutes away and supposedly has a couple of kids. I wouldn't mind knowing my paternal family tree or perhaps meeting half siblings (they are the only blood siblings I have), but the issue is so uncomfortable and distasteful that I just don't know if I can. Plus, he probably would like to forget what he did and I'd be a very tangible reminder. I doubt he's told anyone about his little "tryst" and I don't know that he even knows I exist for sure. I mean, the guy is basically a rapist.
But your half brother may very well feel a longing to meet family and hear the stories and history that you take for granted.
You may also find that you have many natural affinities and common interests (I did with my biological family memebers...moreso than my adopted ones) which could end with you guys getting along great.
Who knows?
Drop the guy a letter...it's the least you can do. If not, don't bother at all...to me, though, the child of my mother is going to have more of a profound connection to me than sya the child of my father by another woman.

	13-02-2003 07:21									#11
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But Sneak you never got the father's side of the story -maybe what you were told isn't so clear cut.....

	13-02-2003 08:02									#12
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I have a half brother somewhere in the world.... Damon Rutlidge.... don't know him so I don't really care to ever meet him...... I wonder if he knows he has three half siblings.....

	13-02-2003 08:11									#13
	Enter the AD-FREE zone

about three years ago i found out i have a half sister about 5 years younger than i...to this date, my father has been unable to track her down...

i don't think much about her to be honest....hard to have feelings for someone i don't know ?

	13-02-2003 08:12									#14
	Help yourself to an AD-FREE life

Just hope you don't date her...

	13-02-2003 08:27									#15
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quote: Originally posted by SuperSneak I'm adopted, and I think your take on not wanting to meet people is off. At least in my case it is. IMO, an adopted person has a very strong desire to meet/know about genetic family members. You grow up with your adopted family, and they are your #1 family and you love them deeply, but you always feel like your name and heritage are sort of "borrowed". I met my birth mother over 10 years ago and she is just the neatest lady, as are her family. Since I was the product of a date rape, I don't know or really have any desire to meet my biological father, though he lives just a few minutes away and supposedly has a couple of kids. I wouldn't mind knowing my paternal family tree or perhaps meeting half siblings (they are the only blood siblings I have), but the issue is so uncomfortable and distasteful that I just don't know if I can. Plus, he probably would like to forget what he did and I'd be a very tangible reminder. I doubt he's told anyone about his little "tryst" and I don't know that he even knows I exist for sure. I mean, the guy is basically a rapist. But your half brother may very well feel a longing to meet family and hear the stories and history that you take for granted. You may also find that you have many natural affinities and common interests (I did with my biological family memebers...moreso than my adopted ones) which could end with you guys getting along great. Who knows? Drop the guy a letter...it's the least you can do. If not, don't bother at all...to me, though, the child of my mother is going to have more of a profound connection to me than sya the child of my father by another woman.

it depends on the reasons for the adoption

those who were abused often have no wish to contact their birth family

Jon Miller

	15-02-2003 23:14									#16
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Horse--you may be right, but I have no reason not to believe my birth mother's take. She's one of the most "real" people you'd ever care to meet and there is no reason not to believe her. She's given me other insights into his behavior after the "incident" that are enough to convince me of her veracity and his misdeed. Besides, if the guy is married with kids, do I have the right to disrupt his life like that, regardless of his previous role in the conception? It is often hard enough for me to maintain decent contact with my "new" family, let alone adding a whole different branch.
I've struggled with this one a lot.

	16-02-2003 04:13									#17
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quote: Originally posted by NeOmega I have a half brother somewhere in the world.... Damon Rutlidge.... don't know him so I don't really care to ever meet him...... I wonder if he knows he has three half siblings.....

I'm in the exact same situation. I have a half brother and wonder if he knows me and my brother and sister exist. He's about eighteen now and I dread the idea he might show up on my doorstep someday.

In a similar situation, I had a new cousin suddenly materialize last year. She's the daughter of my uncle that nobody knew even existed. I felt pretty bad about it because she wanted her father at her college graduation, only to find out he had died of cancer about 6 years ago.

	16-02-2003 04:30									#18
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Just to break up the general gloom, I'd like to report that I have two half-brothers and a half-sister, and it's a rare occurence during the time I spend in Sweden that I do not meet at least one of them every day, and all of them weekly. My oldest brother just moved into a house in the same block as my parents'...

	17-02-2003 00:45									#19
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I'm adopted; according to the court papers attached to the adoption, my mother was a minor when I was born. My father is listed as "deceased," but this was probably just early-1960s-speak for "out of the picture." (Before I knew this for sure, whenever my friends would call me a bastard, I'd say, "yeah, probably." It's not easy being right all the time. )

Given my bio-mom's young age when I was born, I have to assume that I have half-siblings out there somewhere. I'd never think of looking for them now, because my Mom is still alive and I think it would break her heart if I went looking for bio-mom. But I never really thought about how it would affect the bio-family I found. How is it affecting your family, Diss?

Good luck with it all.

	17-02-2003 04:54									#20
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quote: Originally posted by SuperSneak Horse--you may be right, but I have no reason not to believe my birth mother's take. She's one of the most "real" people you'd ever care to meet and there is no reason not to believe her. She's given me other insights into his behavior after the "incident" that are enough to convince me of her veracity and his misdeed. Besides, if the guy is married with kids, do I have the right to disrupt his life like that, regardless of his previous role in the conception? It is often hard enough for me to maintain decent contact with my "new" family, let alone adding a whole different branch. I've struggled with this one a lot.

Hmm, I think redemption and forgiveness are very important. We all make mistakes, lots of biggies. It might mean a lot to him if you reached out. Maybe he's suffering about it. If he has children of his own he probably sees all that in quite a different light now. He might be quite a different man and need some closure and maybe you do too. His children are your brothers and sisters. They are Aunts and Uncles to your kids. That's heavy. Do they have a right to know you? Does Prosper? Maybe there's a happy ending there.

Its a common reaction for adopted children to see the worst in a birth parent. It can be a grief/rejection thing. The psychic wound is very deep. There's a lot of feelings to work through.

What strikes me about your situation is you are very very fortunate to know who both your birth parents are. That's very rare. If he died and you hadn't made contact, how would you feel?

	17-02-2003 04:58									#21
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This sort of thing has happened to a couple of friends of mine. They got in contact and have never regretted it.

One of my mother's old workmates didn't find out that she was adopted until after her (adoptive) mother died; she has since contacted her birth mother and has a strong relationship with her now.

In most cases things go well - the other person is after all a close relative of yours and blood is thicker than water.

Good luck what ever you decide. You are a brave man either way.

	17-02-2003 05:00									#22
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Diss,

Think of it this way, now you aren't alone and you gained a brother now....don't think of him as a "stranger". You're a very lucky man to have a brother. I've always wanted one but never did.

	17-02-2003 05:58									#23
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations

Sneak isn't the only one on the board who is adopted. That's right.....this ole' dragon was adopted when she was 4 days old. My parents were always very open and honest with me since my childhood. When I was old enough to read they bought me a book called The Choosen Baby. It explained all about adoption and how the parents who got this baby really wanted it. They let me know that I was a choosen baby etc... I've always known that I was but it does leave a small (for me large for others) void in your life always looking in the mirror and wondering if you look like someone out there. I was one of the lucky ones. I got great parents who loved me and spoiled me rotten

Amazingly enough my adopted mother and I looked very much alike until she passed away. I am currently trying to search for my biological parents.

	17-02-2003 06:17									#24
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I'm sorry to hear that, is he an amputee or was he born that way?

	17-02-2003 06:33									#25
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Congratulations on finding out that you have a half-brother Dissident. I myself have one step-brother, two-half brothers and two-half sisters.

	17-02-2003 12:21									#26
	Help yourself to an AD-FREE life

well I was never alone. I have 2 other brothers . Guess I have 3 now.

I'm sure he lives on the east coast. As he was adopted in my mom's home state.

It all depends on if he wants to see my mother. I haven't contacted him, my mom has. So we'll see.

	17-02-2003 14:02									#27
	Got spare money?

my parents convinced me that they are supporting 20 other kids based on how much they spend on me.