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Metaliturtle is offline Metaliturtle
King
University of Wisconsin Stevens Point
Mar 2002
time: 23:26
  Old Post 19-02-2003 11:11
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Givin' it up to the Goob Browse Apolyton AD-FREE

Speed

It rushes into your veins, an accompanyment to your adrenaline

It gives you power, it gets you high.

Speed is not a drug, it's an addiction.

I watch the races on the weekends, I root for my friend, he loses only out of pity, and even then, only in the final match.

His car is black, his car oozes speed.

Behind the wheel, you don't feel like you can kick as$, you know that soon you will.

In a car to the left, you look over, and you get the same adrenaline rush, although not from speed, from fear.

A lone beauty dances on the center line, Kevin's girlfriend, Goober's girlfriend. She had promised him something new for a win, a forbidden fruit that is only partially revealed through rumors and speculation. Her countenance was upbeat, this was not her first time in this position. She knew that Kevin NEVER lost a race when she started it.

I looked at the other guy again, he was too new to the scene to have any merit among us regulars, he just showed up blasting Jay-Z or some other rap sh*t none of us listen to, and Kevin was more than happy to put this rap lovin' white boy in his place.

The dance ended, as it always does, with the elegant yet purposeful drop of the scarf. It was not light and feathery like TV would lead you to believe, it was 20 degrees out, and half-naked women need all the protection they can get. The thick wollen garment was on the icy pavement.

We all turned and watched, as we had always watched before, the race through the pine straightaway. This road was always abandoned, whether that was good or bad, remains to be said.

Soon the newcomer's tailpipe was belching fire like a beast from hell, and kevin was maxed out. That was when the beast made his fiendish move, a slight nudge was all it took, and kevin was motionless, behind a rapidly deflating bag of gas, in a metallic cage that nobody could reasonably prize.

I took off after the guy in a nearby racer that was left running, I didn't care if it was grand theft auto, this dipsh*t would pay for what he'd done.

I fired off after him, took down his liscense, and returned to the scene.

The spotlight, that meant Jaws of Life, that meant that he was still saveable. An ambulance drove up, flashing lights envoking another adrenaline surge, this one, a conglomeration of fight and flight. I wanted Kevin to fight, but at the same time I had an urge to run home and cry. Instead, I put his girlfriend in my Jeep, and drove her home. We both broke the news to her parents, and she was promptly grounded. I headed over to Kevin's house.

I was greeted by David, his little brother, "Mommy and Daddy rushed out in their jammies"

"C'mon, we need to go somewhere fun"

I called Kev's cell in the hopes of getting his status, I just got his mother, sobbing uncontrolably.

"This is Mark, I've got David, I won't tell him, I'm taking him for pizza, my treat. Call my cell when there's some information."

I hung up midway through the tear-choked thank you. My best friend was at the brink of death, I stared it nearly in the face, and here I was, eating pizza with an oblivious kid 1/3 my age. But it seemed unreal, and after pizza I took David to my house and hooked him up with an old disney tape and a ninja turtles sleeping bag.

"This is my first grown up sleep over"

"Mine too kid, try to get some sleep"

I then went and explained the situation to my father, who told me to call 911 and report what I had seen to the police. They had me come down to the station.

I returned once more to my house, and fell asleep in the recliner, when I woke up, I was in my room, and it was two days later, I thought it was a bad dream, so I stupidly called Kevin's house and asked if he was around.

"Do you think you're funny or something?.. Wait, Mark? Are you okay sweetie?"

"I had a weird dream that kevin got hurt in a car accident, a bad one."

"He did sweetie, thanks for taking care of David for us."

"Anytime, he's so well behaved when he's confused."

She managed a slight chuckle for me before she hung up the phone.

-------

This was so I could get some stuff off of my chest, Goober was hurt during a street race, and most of this stuff is as happened, or at least as I remember it. Obviously this doesn't qualify for the story contest, but please critique it, harshly, I want to give this to goober, and I want it to be appropriate. Anything you feel slightly bothered by, please address, it will only make it that much better, and of course, I'll tell him you guys are rooting for him when I visit him next week.

SKILORD is offline SKILORD
King
Live free or Die
Mar 2002
time: 05:26
  Old Post 19-02-2003 19:14 Visit SKILORD's homepage!
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Critique..... harshly.....

ok, here we go:

quote:
It's not a drug, it's an addiction


Either make this a full metaphor (It is a drug) or add a but (...but it's an adiction) As it is it ruins the momentum of the opening

Other than this it's a pretty good piece, on a side not, it's nice to hear about someone else reasonably aged who dislikes rap, and I sincerely hope that goob gets better, and does so damn soon, he still has to finish new age warriors.

SKILORD is offline SKILORD
King
Live free or Die
Mar 2002
time: 05:26
  Old Post 19-02-2003 23:53 Visit SKILORD's homepage!
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Perhaps it's possible that speed, the drug, never occured to me until now, maybe make it: not the drug, but an addiction

Giovanni Wine is offline Giovanni Wine
King
Torino, Italian Wine Capital
May 2002
time: 06:26
  Old Post 20-02-2003 02:44
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Well... I have no critique to do... I'm not good t critiques... but I just want to show my support for goober.

I hope he will get better soon.... we need him to run Cuba on GDNES

Saluti

or... as we say in Italy in this cases... In bocca al lupo (you should reply "Crepi")

Metaliturtle is offline Metaliturtle
King
University of Wisconsin Stevens Point
Mar 2002
time: 23:26
  Old Post 20-02-2003 06:51
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Got spare money?

it could be worse if I had no clue what his plans were for Cuba, but it's really pretty tame, Sheep just keeps declaring war, he wanted to become a diplomatic powerhouse with kite bombs, instead he has to be a Naval miracle worker

SKILORD is offline SKILORD
King
Live free or Die
Mar 2002
time: 05:26
  Old Post 21-02-2003 07:28 Visit SKILORD's homepage!
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Actually if you realise that there is a drug called speed (*doh*) the start isn't slowed down by that line.

Actually this is very hard to be tough on, because it's so good. It's a damn fine piece turtle, tell goob I wish him the best of luck.

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