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SuperSneak
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In the land of the one-eyed
Jun 2000
time: 21:26
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I've been working for a Korean man who owns the body shop I manage for about 3 months now.
We've had some rough moments, as I find him to be very critical and harsh at times. This seems natural to him, I think, but it really flies in the face of my personality (big picture, "don't sweat the small stuff" attitude) and worldview.
I don't know if maybe his harshness is because English isn't his first language and his word choices come off wrong, or I'm missing some major feature of interaction with a Korean or what?
I've lived in Japan and have always admired the work ethic of Asians I have known. In fact, up until this job, I really liked Koreans in general, due to my experiences with them as store owners in my neighborhood.
It could just be that my boss in particular is neurotic or expects a lot or has other stress in his life that is causing some of this, but here are two examples of problems we've had that really rubbed me the wrong way.
#1 My family was ravaged by the stomach flu over the course of a weekend (unnanounce projectile vomiting on the part of the child and wife). I thought I was ok, but at work on a Monday I started to feel really naseous and went home halfway through the day. I ended up puking my guts out and took the next day off. When I returned to work, he took me aside and questioned my manhood, saying I should have "toughed it out". I told him I thought that was a really inflexible attitude and preferred to be violently ill at home. I ended up having to "pay back the time I took" by working two Saturdays I would have other wise had off!
#2 I have observed both the boss and his partner (his 70 yo father in law) engaged in screaming matches with Korean customers. The other day, the father in law was so incensed with a younger Korean that I actually thought it would come to blows. I asked my boss if this was common in the bartering process, or if I should be alarmed or what? He said he thought my implication was "racist" and I responded that I was only concerned and that implications are often in the eye of the beholder.
Normally, if you were to question my manhood or call me a racist on the street, I'd kick your ass. Obviously, I can't do that in this situation.
Is this normal?
Is their a way short of boot licking to avoid future conflict?
Are there behavioral tactics I can employ?
It's prettty much making my life miserable at work...he is extremely nit-picky and anal, about the most trivial things (how I staple paper, the distance of the phone receiver to my mouth, how many scoops of coffee in the machine, etc, etc, etc.) It gets really old after a while and seems to be always the negative, never any "atta boys" or thanks whatsoever.
Your input is greatly appreciated.
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Rex Little
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I had a Korean supervisor for several years and he was the nicest guy you'd ever want to work for. I don't think there's anything cultural going on here; yours is just a jerk.
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Comrade Tassadar
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I've noticed that people from SE Asia, if they haven't been to Europe or America for at least 1 year, tend to be racist *******.
Just bring him to Europe. He'll straighten up.
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DRoseDARs
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"My god, it's full of peas..."
Jul 2002
time: 21:26
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I'm going to agree that you shouldn't work with that kind of person. Your first example was inexcusable behavior on his part. Flu's can in rare cases lead to death, but in the vast majority of cases you're just going to be a biohazard to be around, both for customers and fellow employees. Your second example was uncalled for on his part because you asked in a respectful manner (I'm assuming). I you've ever watched shows on Discovery or TLC or the like that talk about Human social interactions, you'd be told that different cultures behave in ways that, like you said, are normal for those people and strange to others.
For example: Jewish people LOVE to argue and debate. They aren't necessarily being difficult as others might be given to think, it's just a major part of their tradition and beliefs. This I've been told both by my college-level World Religions teacher (trained as a religous scholar for more than 30 years...is at the level where she could be a priest(?) if she wanted to) and my Hebrew language teacher (a practicing Jew and Israeli national). She seemed a bit rough around the edges at first, but once I knew her background it wasn't a problem...because she really wasn't TRYING to be rough. She was just being how she grew up. Not a problem at all, I like her a lot and we got along pretty well, enough that I'm considering taking her 2nd Semester class if it'll fit into my schedule.
Clearly your boss is just a jackass. Totally unfamiliar with the concept that he's not in Korea anymore (if it's a cultural reason for his jackassery...I could just be he's just a jackass in ANY culture). As the bumpersticker says, "Mean people suck."
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Lancer
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Oregon Coast, USA! or Bohol, Philippines!
Apr 1999
time: 05:26
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A guy I was drinking with once told me about a prank he pulled. He put Visene in the coffee of someone that was really bugging him alot. He said it gives a person a profound case of the shits...
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Q Cubed
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t3h y3ll0w p3ril
Apr 1999
time: 23:26
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although seeker's explained quite a bit of it, the boss still seems a bit harsh to me.
by the way: this boss-worker relationship is, like how seeker said, very much also a parent-child relationship. which is why when you date a korean, you might find that they're quite hesitant to let you meet their parents; they really might love you, they just don't want any screaming matches with their parents (which they'll invariably lose).
that's kinda from personal experience (i'm with a white girl, so i understand a bit of how oerdin's girl felt).
"the toughing it out" bit...  sorry, but that i've found is a korean thing. mom never picked me up from school when i was sick, because school was more important than health, so...
======
Datajack Franit, Che, i'll pretend those were a bad attempt at humor.
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Q Cubed
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t3h y3ll0w p3ril
Apr 1999
time: 23:26
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as far as i can tell, all east asians have a big revulsion to dating outside of the ethnicity; japanese don't want their kids mating with a non-japanese, koreans likewise, and the chinese as well.
as is the case in largely homogenous societies, i also think racism plays out differently there; rather than the internecine results found here in america, in east asia, it tends to be against anyone who is "different"; it also doesn't seem to be as violent or aggressive, but rather more "we'll associate with you, but we won't associate with you" in nature.
the incidence of this type of behaviour, though, seems to occur only when the parents are first generation immigrants. my parents are first generation immigrants, and thus, have a bit of a problem with my dating a non-korean. (to be more clear, mom actually has less of a problem with my dating a white girl than grandmother; mom's main issue is that i have a girlfriend, while i'm still in school (college) and shouldn't be on the marriage market yet (even though that's not what i'm considering at all).)
interestingly enough, i have a friend who's japanese, and both her parents are at least nisei. her parents have no issue with her dating a white boy, and i think it's mainly because they are nisei and not issei.
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01-03-2003 23:59
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