06-03-2003 03:02									#1
	How do I help people who have lost thier loved ones? Lose 30 kilos (of popups)

At least 2 of my girl friends each lost a best friend.

One girl from my school lost a best friend, also from my school.

One girl from another school whom I'm also a good friend of, also lost her best friend, a girl from her school.

I want to be a good friend. I want to help. I want to be supportive. I have no idea how, since I'm broken up and shocked myself.

What do I tell them?

Do I force them to deal with their feelings?
Do I pressure them to remember their friends?
Do I urge them to get over it and "life must go on"?
Do I simply hug them and cry?

I didn't know the 2 dead girls enough to somehow comfort my friends. I don't want to appear fake.

What do I do?

	06-03-2003 03:06									#2
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization III: Complete

Man, this is so close to home.

I don't know, really.

	06-03-2003 03:09									#3
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations: Deluxe Edition

Just do your best, Siro.

Damn.

-Arrian

	06-03-2003 03:17									#4
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

Any doctors here?

	06-03-2003 04:16									#5
	Increase the size of your Attachments

Be there, there isn't anything else you can do but offer support.

	06-03-2003 04:19									#6
	Browse Apolyton AD-FREE

http://www.ncptsd.org/facts/disaste...care_brief.html

Bad deal, Sirotnikov.
Try the link. Maybe a more professional answer can be found.

	06-03-2003 05:00									#7
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization III: Complete

quote: Originally posted by Provost Harrison Be there, there isn't anything else you can do but offer support.

I agree

Hug and cry-- let them know you are there for them and then do nice things and let them interact with you as THEY wish.

No pressure, no force, let them take the lead. Longer term if you think they are not coping well, it might be time to worry about that

	06-03-2003 05:13									#8
	Browse Apolyton AD-FREE

Hug and cry.

This is turning my stomach. I can't imagine having to live like this... especially in my homeland.

My condolences.

	06-03-2003 05:32									#9
	Re: How do I help people who have lost thier loved ones? Support Apolyton, buy Civilization III: Complete

quote: Originally posted by Sirotnikov At least 2 of my girl friends each lost a best friend. What do I tell them? Do I force them to deal with their feelings? Do I pressure them to remember their friends? Do I urge them to get over it and "life must go on"? Do I simply hug them and cry? What do I do?

All you can do is be there for them. There are no words that you can say that will make them feel better. Just keep an eye out for them and let them know that whenever they wanna talk they can. Don't say life must go on, they will figure that out for themselves. That never helped me when someone said it. Don't force them them to deal with anything. Again that is something that they have to come to do. All in all a good rule is not to force anything, just let them deal with it on their own terms while offering an ear or shoulder when needed. And Siro, it won't happen over night. It will take a long time. Most importantly, never say its going to be alright. Because it will never be alright. No amount of time, no amount of crying and no amount of someone listening will make it alright. You have no power to make it alright, but you can make it a little easier on them by listening and really be there for them.

	06-03-2003 09:47									#10
	Inflate your Upload Space

thanks guys

	06-03-2003 09:54									#11
	Put an end to popups!

Check the link, Siro. It truly has good information on such as this.

	06-03-2003 09:57									#12
	Got spare money?

hugging and crying sounds good to me

	06-03-2003 10:24									#13
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization III: Complete

SIRO.

Check the other thread.

	06-03-2003 11:26									#14
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization: The Boardgame

I'm sorry Siro.

	06-03-2003 12:01									#15
	Inflate your Upload Space

Spray's and Flubber's advice is good. I've lost a couple of family members recently, and it's true that grieving is a long process. So acknowledge their loss, and put yourself at their disposal when and if they need something. That will help both them and you. Don't forget that you are part of this too, and remember that the best thing you can do for anyone is to take care of yourself first. Work through your feelings so that you can be sensitive to theirs if they need you to be.

p.s. I'm truly sorry that this happened to your friends Siro.

	06-03-2003 15:53									#16
	Get a bigger avatar today!

Now, apparently there are about 6 girls who I'm ackquainted with that lost friends (some of them related to the same victims).

And my gf is now also very depressed. I simply don't know what to do.

On one hand I want to hug and cry. On the other hand I'm used to repressing my feelings, and it somsetimes seems to me as if it was better to leave them alone. Because nothing I can do helps.