14-03-2003 13:06									#1
	French speakers! I need your help! Support Apolyton, buy GURPS/ Alpha Centauri

I just wrote a poem for class and I want you to tell me ezxactly how much it grammatically sucks!

Le Mensonge


L'idée que je n'ai pas pensé
La chambre ou tu as rit,
Le mot que quelqu'un m'a dit
La porte que personne a fermé.

Le baiser que tu ne m'as pas donné,
Le lit que tu n'as pas vu.
L'avion que tu as utilisé -
La place ou tu as disparu
L'espoir que j'ai perdu.

La chanson que tu as chanté,
Le mensonge que tu as cassé.

Also, please use english at least once in your post so that ming doesn't shut this down as just another foreign language thread!

	14-03-2003 17:18									#2
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My french is fluent but bad but since nobody seems to help you I'll just point out two things I saw. 'ou' needs an 'accent grave' on the u otherwise it means 'or' and 'disparu' goes with 'est' if I'm not mistaken. Otherwise it sounds fine.

	14-03-2003 17:18									#3
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Le Mensonge

quote: L'idée que je n'ai pas pensé -

La pensée que je n'ai pas eue.
Depends on whether you mean "the idea that i didn't have" or "the thought i didn't have". I went for the latter.

quote: La chambre ou tu as ri Le mot que quelqu'un m'a dit La porte que personne a fermé. Le baiser que tu ne m'as pas donné, Le lit que tu n'as pas vu.

quote: L'avion que tu as utilisé

L'avion que tu as pris.
"Taken" instead of "used".

quote: La place ou tu as disparu

L'endroit ou tu as disparu

quote: L'espoir que j'ai perdu. La chanson que tu as chanté,

quote: Le mensonge que tu as cassé.

I'll need a bit of help with this one: "the lie that you broke ?"

All in all , not bad!

	14-03-2003 18:47									#4
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yes, the lie that you broke is what I meant to say!

	14-03-2003 18:51									#5
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Pretty good, but here how it should be:


L'idée à laquelle je n'ai pas pensé
La chambre où tu as rit,
Le mot que quelqu'un m'a dit
La porte que personne n'a fermée.

Le baiser que tu ne m'as pas donné,
Le lit que tu n'as pas vu.
L'avion que tu as utilisé -
La place où tu as disparu
L'espoir que j'ai perdu.

La chanson que tu as chanté,
Le mensonge que tu as cassé.


There we go, just a couple of accents missing and a mistake in the first phrase. GJ!


SPec.

	14-03-2003 21:16									#6
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Hurrah! Otoh, what do you people think of the actual poem?

	14-03-2003 21:19									#7
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I'm sorry, I don't speak Freedom.

	14-03-2003 21:25									#8
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Is it biographic ?

	14-03-2003 21:29									#9
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heheh, no, it's more me imagining a situation

@ dashi

	14-03-2003 21:35									#10
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Hey, aren't foreign language threads verboten?!

	14-03-2003 21:41									#11
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quote: Originally posted by Boris Godunov Hey, aren't foreign language threads verboten?!

An English speaking student doing his home work cannot be against the rules !

	14-03-2003 21:43									#12
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quote: Originally posted by Boris Godunov Hey, aren't foreign language threads verboten?!

First: the fries
Then: the toasts
Next : the threads...

	14-03-2003 21:44									#13
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To quote myself, Boris - "Also, please use english at least once in your post so that ming doesn't shut this down as just another foreign language thread!"

	14-03-2003 21:46									#14
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I'm going to France real soon and I need some help! How do you say the following phrases in French?

"How do I get to Vichy France?"

"Is this the Champs-Elysees? This is where the Germans had that big parade, right?"

"Where can I buy some deoderant? Oh right, how would you know?"

"Is Robert Mugabe in town today?"

Thanks in advance for all the help I'm sure to receive...

	14-03-2003 21:56									#15
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quote: Originally posted by monolith94 To quote myself, Boris - "Also, please use english at least once in your post so that ming doesn't shut this down as just another foreign language thread!"

Yeah, but that's a cheap out. Dieses Gewinde muß geschlossen sein! Mach schnell!

And at the unimaginative French jokes. One trick ponyism is getting bo-ring...

	14-03-2003 21:57									#16
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quote: Originally posted by DaShi I'm sorry, I don't speak Freedom.

that sure came back to bite us in the ass, didn't it?

	14-03-2003 22:08									#17
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quote: Originally posted by Boris Godunov Yeah, but that's a cheap out. Dieses Gewinde muß geschlossen sein! Mach schnell! And at the unimaginative French jokes. One trick ponyism is getting bo-ring...

nein, arbeit stieg in dieses gewinde ein (das gedicht). arbeit macht frei, wissen sie.

	14-03-2003 22:24									#18
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It's really weird that I know what "arbeit" means because of my Japanese study...

	14-03-2003 22:43									#19
	Re: French speakers! I need your help! Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations

quote: Originally posted by monolith94 I just wrote a poem for class and I want you to tell me ezxactly how much it grammatically sucks!

My French is a little rusty, but let me give it a shot.

quote: Le Mensonge

The Message

quote: L'idée que je n'ai pas pensé

The Idea that I didn't think

quote: La chambre ou tu as rit,

The Chamber or you something something

quote: Le mot que quelqu'un m'a dit

The moat that something something something something

quote: La porte que personne a fermé.

The door that person to firm.

quote: Le baiser que tu ne m'as pas donné,

The baiser that you didn't do

quote: Le lit que tu n'as pas vu.

The lightening that you didn't know.

quote: L'avion que tu as utilisé -

The Airplane that you didn't utilize

quote: La place ou tu as disparu

The place that you are dispersed

quote: L'espoir que j'ai perdu.

The something that I have pertained to you.

quote: La chanson que tu as chanté,

The something that you are something

quote: Le mensonge que tu as cassé.

The message that you have something

Very nice poem, I hope that helps!.

	14-03-2003 23:04									#20
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quote: Originally posted by Drake Tungsten It's really weird that I know what "arbeit" means because of my Japanese study...

might not be that weird.

	15-03-2003 00:15									#21
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quote: Originally posted by Drake Tungsten It's really weird that I know what "arbeit" means because of my Japanese study...

Well what does it mean then?

I find the poem a bit weird, but of course, I find most poetry a big pile of bollox as well so i'm not an authority on this..

the idea i haven't thought of
the room you have laughed in
the word someone has said to me
the door nobody has closed (your sentence there is wrong though)

the kiss you haven't given me
the bed you haven't seen
the airplane you have used
the place where you have disappeared (should be l'endroit idd )
the hope i have lost

the song you have sung
the lie you have ... broken (don't you mean the truth you have violated?)

	15-03-2003 01:08									#22
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quote: Well what does it mean then?

It means work. "Arubeito" is the Japanese word for a part-time job, a variation of the German "arbeit"...

	15-03-2003 03:27									#23
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quote: Originally posted by Trajanus the lie you have ... broken (don't you mean the truth you have violated?)

Same question here : what does exactly mean "breaking a lie" in english ?

The only thing I'd add after Spectator is :

say "L'avion que tu as pris" rather than "utilisé"

"Utiliser un avion" is a bit odd

	15-03-2003 03:46									#24
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You guys were right about the grammar mistakes - I changed utilisé to pris, even though it does disrupt the rhyme a bit...

Also, why would que be a replaced with a laquelle in that first line? Le premiere vers...

	15-03-2003 04:46									#25
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Here we have "penser à..." because "penser que..." means "having the opinion that...".
English is simpler, "to think" works for both

But you can probably write "L'idée que je n'ai pas eue" too ("having an idea", seems to keep the meaning of this sentence...).

	15-03-2003 04:53									#26
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Wow, looks like I still have a long way to go!

	15-03-2003 04:58									#27
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Not really, those details are not so important

	15-03-2003 06:47									#28
	Re: French speakers! I need your help! Support Apolyton, buy Civilization III: Complete

Good poem, but more rythm wouldn't hurt IMHO. For example,

quote: Originally posted by monolith94 Le baiser que tu ne m'as pas donné, Le lit que tu n'as pas vu. L'avion que tu as utilisé - La place ou tu as disparu L'espoir que j'ai perdu.

Touts les baisers jamais donnes,
Le lit que tu n'as jamais vu,
L'avion en quel tu es partie,
La place ou tu as disparu,
L'espoir que j'ai longtemps perdu.

(couldn't figure out how to place all those accents)

On the other hand, it doesn't seem to me very poetic to talk about a bed in this context ("Le lit que tu n'as pas vu").

BTW 'baiser' means not only 'kiss', but also 'f*ck'. This Freedom is a nice language.

	15-03-2003 06:56									#29
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lol! I didn't know that! I wonder what my teacher will think when she reads this! This was a homework assignment were we had to make a 'poem' using a specific form - object, que or ou, subject and past participle action.
Hence writing this I felt a bit restricted, to say the least! I have to say I'm a HUGE fan of the word 'jamais', btw. Not only does it sound cool, it sounds like what I think never should sound like.

Je ne savais jamais - internal rhyme!

	15-03-2003 07:05									#30
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IIRC, 'baiser'='f*ck' only as a verb. As a noun, 'baiser'='kiss'. So you are in a relative safety here, Monolith.