 |
| |
|
|
Tiamat
|
 |
.....and George's daughter
Mar 2000
time: 05:27
|
|
The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her dog.
The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. I need that seat." The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said, You Americans. Your are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?"
The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there?". I'm very tired."
The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant....Imagine!"
The American didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honor and chastise the American.
An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You know,sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.
You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand.
You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.
And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong bit*h out the window." 
|
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
|
Clear Skies
|
 |
looking for a saviour in these dirty streets
Jul 2000
time: 05:27
|
|
A man had been lost and wandering in the Chinese wilderness for 3 months.
All he had to eat was what he could forage and was forced to sleep wherever
he could find meager shelter. One day he came upon an old farm house. In
answer to his knock, an old Chinese gentleman asked "WHAT DO YOU
WANT?"
"I have been lost in the wilderness for 3 months and have not had a decent
meal or nights sleep in just as long. May I stay the night?" The old man
agreed under the condition that there be no messing with his granddaughter. "I
will cause you no trouble," the man said. "That's very good," said the old
man, "because if I catch you with my granddaughter, you will suffer the three
most severe Chinese tortures."
The granddaughter attended the evening meal and the man was awestruck by
her beauty. Since he had been alone for so long and she had not been with a
man in her life, they could hardly keep their eyes off of each other during the
meal.
Later that night the man crept into her room and they had a terrific time
together. They were careful to be quiet lest they awaken the grandfather.
Afterwards, the man returned to his room (on the third floor), and thought:
"That marvelous experience was worth enduring a thousand tortures." He
then fell promptly asleep and had the best sleep in three months.
Upon awakening, he felt an incredible weight on his chest. He then realized
that there was a 100 pound rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign that
read: "1st Chinese Torture - 100 Pound Rock On Chest."
This is some lame torture thought the man as he carried it over to the window
and threw it out. Then he noticed another sign on the bottom of the rock:
"2nd Chinese torture - Right Testicle Tied To Rock." Knowing that it was too
late to catch the rock, the man hurled himself out of the window after it.
Passing through the window the man saw a third sign on the window ledge:
"3rd Chinese Torture - Left Testicle Tied To Bedpost."
|
|
| |
|
|
|
CerberusIV
|
|
A group of cannibals start work at a research lab. The Director welcomes them on the first day and says "Welcome to the company. I know about your past but we won't hold that against you as long as you don't eat anyone here. If you get hungry go to the canteen".
All goes well for about a month, then the Director calls the leader of the cannibals into his office. "A janitor has gone missing. Up to now I have been very pleased with your work but if one of your people has eaten this janitor there's going to be trouble".
The cannibal leader goes back to the others and asks "OK, which one of you is the idiot who ate the missing janitor?". One of the cannibals raises his hand. The leader shouts at him "You fool, for weeks we have been eating team leaders, project managers and supervisors without being noticed and now you have to eat someone who works for a living!".
|
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
|
Boris Godunov
|
 |
Portland, OR
Aug 2001
time: 00:27
|
|
The wedding day was fast approaching. Everything was ready, and nothing could dampen Jennifer's excitement, not even her parents' nasty divorce.
Her mother Sheila finally found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother of the bride EVER!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn her new young stepmother, Barbie, had purchased the same dress. She asked Barbie to exchange the dress, but Barbie refused, "Absolutely not! I'm going to wear this
dress; I'll look like a million in it!"
Jennifer told her mother, who graciously replied, "Never mind dear. I'll get another dress, after all it's YOUR special day, not hers."
Two weeks later, another dress was finally found. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "What are you going to do with the first dress? Maybe you should return it. You don't have any place to
wear it."
Sheila grinned and replied, "Of course, I do, dear! I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!"
|
|
| |
All times are GMT. The time now is 05:27.
Apolyton Time is 00:27. |
top of page
|
| archivepost |
|
Forum Rules:
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
|
HTML code is ON
vB code is ON
Smilies are ON
[IMG] code is ON
|
|
|
|
|
|
11-04-2003 23:05
@ Clear Skies
ACK!
|