|
Metaliturtle
|
 |
University of Wisconsin Stevens Point
Mar 2002
time: 23:27
|
|
Okay, so I was talking with SKILORD, and we both decided that I need to write another funny story.
Because SKILORD ALWAYS replies to my stories, I decided to take his advice. Hopefully this tops CGW... or at least comes close.
Without further ado... The Curse of the Zulu.
---
Shaka looked around, his nomadic tribe was fed up, they hated traveling, and wanted to settle.
"Settle!!! But we're ZULU!!"
"Big Deal... you're afraid to crap in the woods!!"
"Wha- WAIT!!! That is Irrelevant, right now we have to realize that I'm right and y'all are wrong."
"Whatevah, you can still be the leader, but we're living here now!!"
"I should piss on you" (A sign of disrespect... much like flipping the bird)
Anyway, that's how Shaka settled down, and in honor of the settling he named the city, Zimbabwe, which means "Somebody shoot me" in Zulu.
----
Meanwhile, much further to the North...
Cleopatra took another drag of her cigarette... Greek orgies always topped the Egyptian and Roman ones ever since the Romans went Christian, and the Egyptians went gay.
"Alexander, that was the best experience of my entire life."
"Well baby, that's what you get when you have an orgie with the most powerful being on earth."
"I thought I was the most powerful being on earth."
"I was the penetraTOR you're the penetraTEE therefore I had the power"
"Whatever, you ready for another go?"
"Sure... SEND IN THE LUBRICATION!!!"
------
Aside:
Why did Metaliturtle just throw a random orgy in there? To create an uneasy alliance to the north... DUH!!!
------
Back in Zululand... Shaka continued to drive his people's spirits into the ground by enlisting their sons into the military.
"TODAY ALL ZULU MALES AGES 5-75 REPORT TO THE TOWN CENTER!!!"
A straggling band of old men and children lined up.
"Is this it?"
"Y-yes sir" chimed a little boy"
"Well then we are off to the west to expand our empire!!"
The people of Ulundi were caught unawares by the little boys they saw coming to their city, until the spears began to fly.
Shrieks arosed from the villiage women as wave after wave of Zulu bodies came running at the city. The men had flaming spears and were soon setting the thatched roof cottages on fire. The Ulundi men were killed, the women were raped and sent back to Zimbabwe, and a new settlement was established.
Shaka decided that his men needed to have some children with their own families, not just captured women, so he sent the ones that were of appropriate age, home.
The people were peaceful, until the Hlobanese came...
"Shaka!! There are women coming!!"
"Woohoo... DIBS!!"
"Shaka, they have spears."
"Oooh!! naughty women are coming!... First and second DIBS!!"
"I don't think they're that kind of woman."
"All women... are that kind of woman."
"We still have to beat them tho."
"****, you're right, send out the little boys..."
more to come later, not now tho
|
13-04-2003 02:45
|
|