15-10-1999 05:53									#1
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Well....this is the first part....i hope you like it.....i just want to say upfront....im sorry about any grammer and spelling mistakes.....I currently get 60s and 70s on my english tests...yes im a highschooler

well to the point

can you experienced smac writings give me advice? any comments how i can improve? something wrong with my story?

im sorry if you didn't like it.....it was my first try online...

by the way...the more i read spartan chron...the more i realize how pathetic i am, and how awesome writers you are.

	15-10-1999 06:52									#2
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Cotroneo,

First, not all of the authors here are involved in SC. We have Jasonain with his continuing saga of Echus Aftermath and Gayle Storm's serial A Daughter of Gaia. You are in good company!

Second, you are FAR from pathetic - give yourself some credit! On my first Composition and Rhetoric class paper WAY back in high school (early 80s) I got -50 points (that's right - a negative number!). I remember Mr. Morgan's comment very well: Your grammar and content are very good, but creative spelling does not count (the -50 resulted from losing 2 pts for every spelling or punctuation error. There were so many that I quickly burned the starting 100 and quickly went into negative numbers. "-50" was the lowest score he would allow…). I only wish I would have had the guts to put together a very coherent story and post it like you have!

The only constructive comments I would have are technical. Each starting colony would have apx 2000 people, one for the first base and one for the free colony pod. The second is that some or most of the landers would be able to live in the colony pod (if it broke up so much that it wasn't habitable then the landers would be dead!). All in all, these are very minor and certainly open to interpretation, or they could be part of the story.

The bottom line: more!

Hydro

	15-10-1999 07:15									#3
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Cotroneo:

Great start.

It takes guts to launch yourself into print and risk the scorn of others. (But the praise is sublime )

The thing for me about writing is just using the imagination. Even covering points that others have covered, just with a different slant, is invigorating.

Sort of like the tents idea. I had my landing pod open up on landing much like the smac graphic, but have struggled with the first aid/school/manufacturing/canteen concept. What were they and where were they. And where did people sleep, etc.

So I like your interpretation.

Interesting that we are both narrating about the Gaians.

And the breathers. I've been told by a friend that the nitrogen/oxygen composition of 91:8.5 compared to earth's 78:21 would be like being on Everest's 23,000 foot level, where 1/2 hour would be normal for an adult to live without oxygen unless acclimitized. So I incorporated that in my story.

And I've shamelessly borrowed from the Chroniclers - the interior of the rover, for example, owes much to Hydro.

And Hydro:

In the Episodes, before the game was launched, didn't the Unity have 70,000 colonists? With seven escape pods there'd be 10,000 per faction. That's the assumption I've been working on.

Finally, Cotroneo, I echo Hydro:

More!

Gayle

	15-10-1999 08:28									#4
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thks...guys for the confidents booster...but this is what i was saying about the low pop. Now forget about the game for a sec, if you were sending a crew to another world, what type of people would you want to bring....i think mostly engineers and scientists....and security(i think). Although biologists, special farmer people are very important due to the fact that they would grow food which is going to feed the colony. But i don't think they would send 10,000 people who were farmers/bios. Maybe closer to 2000 that hydro said. But i was really just trying to show how in bad shape they were in. Now that i think about it, the living in the colony pod is something im going to incorporate into the story.....one big question also.....

where do u write your stories? in the forum reply? or word? or wordpad? or notepad? i wanted to bold stuff and center stuff, but it wouldn't work because i copied and pasted the doc from microsoft word.

	15-10-1999 09:58									#5
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I write in word, then copy and paste to the forum.

See the FAQ for the bolds and italics (and bold italics) Basically it's an i within the square brackets [and] to commence the italics and a /i within the square brackets to end the italic section.

To bold, use the b instead of the i. To bold and italicize, do both in front of the section and again at the end.

(And be prepared to edit till you get the hang of it.)

The forum doesn't always pick up the exact formatting, so leave double spaces between paragraphs, and I've found that new paragraphing a lot makes it easier to read than big paras.

I also always spell check before I post (unless i am composing directly as I am now)

Gayle

	16-10-1999 00:26									#6
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Cotroneo,

Nice beginning! I impatiently await the next episodes of this story!

My epic, which Hydro mentioned, has sadly failed. I went out on too much of a limb designing my own factions for my story. Should have stuck with Zak and Lal instead.

ANYWAY, it's nice to have a new piece of fiction to read! Keep up the excellent work.


- Jason (impressed)