15-04-2003 20:28									#31
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a lot of good advice here. I can not say, either way, whether or not you should try and make this "closure", though if it ways on your mind so much that you need to seek him out to perform it, then maybe you should...?

As for your husband's worries: it is disheartening to know that one's wife still worries about things that happened pre-him. He may feel that despite all his efforts to give you a life that would make you happy, and that he is happy with you, that you are still worrying about some one else... shame on you... However, it really is not his conscience that is being tried. He should love you enough to trust you, and permit you to seek this "closure" if you so desire.

Just my two cents.

	15-04-2003 20:48									#32
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:b on JohnT

	15-04-2003 21:35									#33
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No! Don't do it!

These sites are poisonous. He'll be the same arsehole he was 24 years ago, only fatter, balder and less energetic in bed.

	15-04-2003 21:48									#34
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at Laz! That really would be the "crowning glory" for me if he was. He was all into his hair in college. He used to spend hours on it. No we were not ever married, just dated for a long time.

Yes, I have a good marriage to a man who loves me without question. When I told him about what had happened he accepted without passing any type of judgement as well as told me to do what I needed to do to find my peace. But only being married for 4 months you could sorta see where he might be a bit on the worried side if not just for a moment. I have a wonderful husband who gives me quite a wide birth.........which anyone who knows me in person knows this is a good thing He does trust me and even told me that this was not a decision that he could make for me but one I had to make on my own with the help of a few friends

And yes, lots of good advice and thanks. JohnT ~ if I did contact him at all I wouldn't start off with your a di** etc.......I think it would be more hi, how's your life.......do you think at some point we could talk about what happened so I can get some closure to the issue even if you've already made peace with it.

I'm not looking to blindside him......just some peace. Maybe Sava and MarkG are right maybe I should write it all out and then look at it. Husband has been encouraging me to write alot anyway he thinks I should write a book about my weird life. Boy would I really have to change some names to protect innocent people

	15-04-2003 22:15									#35
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It didn't work the first time around, and you'll put your marriage under stress, regardless what Hubby says.

DON'T DO IT !

	15-04-2003 22:17									#36
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See even though he's supportive he takes the same line you do Sloww. He doesn't see what good it would do to dig up the past. I begining to wonder if it isn't all just an exercise in futility.

	15-04-2003 22:24									#37
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I disagree with Sloww, you should do it, albeit with caution and tact (which im sure i didnt need to say). Ive needed closure before, but never after such a span of time... if it still bothers you after all these years. than it must be important.

I dont know the guy, so I couldnt say how he might react, but you probably have a good idea. Most men would probably be receptive after so long, at least to emails, if not to a phone call or RL meating to catchup on the past decades to ease the tension, and then discuss what happened. If he had any secrets or any other reasons for not telling you then, that should all be irrelevant after so long, and he should have little problem opening up freely, after yall have caught up.

I would suggest a friendly email first, just to establish contact, and then you could move from there to obtain closure.

If its so important as to be on your mind all this time, you should go aheand and get it now, that it is in your grasp.

	15-04-2003 22:31									#38
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Sure, why not? Screw how Hubby really feels.
He can beat street.


I stopped to talk to girl I took to Senior Prom.
You want to talk mistake?
You want to talk major league screwup?



Yeah, Tia. Get hold of the guy.

	15-04-2003 23:15									#39
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I think you should tell us first, to see if we think you should dresge this up again.




What!?!

	15-04-2003 23:26									#40
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i think you should move on and let it die........

	15-04-2003 23:52									#41
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No. Talk to him. It is obviously important to you, after 24 years this is something that still is in your head. Contact him with this "hi, how are you" line and you'll naturally end up talking about that issue and it will be settled down definitely.

	16-04-2003 01:18									#42
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is it possible that you kinda LIKE having so much drama in your life and are unable to just sit back and finally be happy? you're ASKING for heartache and drama if you go through with this.

	16-04-2003 01:51									#43
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quote: Originally posted by Tiamat See even though he's supportive he takes the same line you do Sloww. He doesn't see what good it would do to dig up the past. I begining to wonder if it isn't all just an exercise in futility.

She's beginning to see reason!!!

Remember, Tia, this was over half your lives ago - back when Alien was released and Disco was King, for chrissakes!

This is what people looked like back then. You sure you want to go back?

	16-04-2003 03:14									#44
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quote: Originally posted by JohnT This is what people looked like back then.

I think I know them!

	16-04-2003 03:31									#45
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i hate to say it, but DM has a point. if it was the subject of such heartache, why dredge it up now? in my experience, "closure" has been used as an excuse to be rotten to the other person as often as it's been used for genuine closure. what ever you decide to do, just remember that it's been quite some time since that incident has happened, was it bothering you that much before you found out how to contact him, or just since you've found this out?

	16-04-2003 04:36									#46
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quote: Originally posted by JohnT She's beginning to see reason!!! Remember, Tia, this was over half your lives ago - back when Alien was released and Disco was King, for chrissakes! This is what people looked like back then. You sure you want to go back?

OH MY GOD!!! Ok that's truly scary. The girl on the bottom of the page next to the one with glasses....blond girl.....yes.......ashamed as I am to admit it........THAT WAS MY HAIRSTYLE! I actually have pictures

chegitz Sorry, you get the quandry not the actual problem.....that's just for me.

And no dm I don't think I like drama in my life. Frankly I can assure you that I've had quite enough for one lifetime. I have a very nice, quite, calm life out in the country with daily trips into the city to spend time with friends etc. I have the pleasure of being able to turn my music up and put the top down on the convertible when I want to drive somewhere or just need time to be with myself and think. I have a wonderful supportive husband. And now at the ripe old age of 29........ well let's not go over board on the honesty issue shall we......I'm about to be a grandmother! So all in all life is pretty sweet.

And yes Self, this is something that has bothered me for quite sometime, off and on for years actually. And yes, I had thought about contacting him in the past. In fact, I did a couple of people searches through internet search engines but to no avail. And then viola! He turned up there. There are some years it's worse then others. I'm human just like anyone else and until recently was a single mother raising three daughters so life tends to get busy and go by before you know it and as we all tend to do you push things to the back burner and not think about them so much. Then other times you think about them alot. And yes to make a point about an earlier question I have had therapy, about 5 years worth. And this was one issue that was addressed. At one time closure was suggested but if I couldn't get it or find it then try to move on.

I'm finally getting my life on track and need to put closure to some things of the past like this and my mother's death and one or two other issues then I can fully move on in the wonderful direction my life is taking. That's my only reason for thinking about doing this.

	16-04-2003 04:38									#47
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Tia's hairstyle for all to know and love... and, you know, make fun of.

Attachment: girl79h2.jpg
This has been downloaded 23 time(s).

	16-04-2003 04:42									#48
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What's even more scary is she looks almost exactly like me then. I don't have a scanner but I will scan the hedious prom picture with the hair for all to see my shame tomorrow. Go ahead yuck it up.......hell I did when I saw that picture then remembered the hairstyle


Yes and thank you so much JohnT! Now everyone will know

	16-04-2003 04:49									#49
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You are so welcome, Tia. My pleasure.

	16-04-2003 06:45									#50
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Speaking of lovely, Tia you might want to take a look at this thread.