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Tuberski is offline Tuberski
Emperor
ACK!!! PTHBBPPPTTT!!!!
Feb 2002
time: 23:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 04:18 Visit Tuberski's homepage!
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Impolite things to say at a wake. Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations


Impolite Things to Say at a Wake

by Paul Gilmartin

So, what are you gonna do with his golf clubs?

Who do I talk to about his bar tab?

Of course you'll miss him, he didn't molest you.

How long you think until he starts to stink?

Wow! Other than his wife, is there anyone in this room he didn't bang?

Say what you will, Madame Toussot does nice work.

It's weird not seeing him drunk.

I always thought he was gay.

Isn't that suit gonna be a little warm for Hell?

So now that you're a widow, what do you do? Masturbate?

I was there when he died. Man what a baby.

Any others?

ACK!
Immortal Wombat is offline Immortal Wombat
Prince
in perpetuity
Dec 2000
time: 05:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 04:23 Visit Immortal Wombat's homepage!
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Lose 30 kilos (of popups)

So he doesn't need both kidneys anymore then?
Giant_Squid is offline Giant_Squid
Emperor
Fun Guy from Yuggoth
Jan 1970
time: 00:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 06:24
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HEY LOOK HE'S MOVING!!!!...kidding, kidding.
Zero is offline Zero
King
Bouncing back and forth
Sep 2002
time: 00:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 06:27
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Anything I say while at wake is impolite

Uncle Sparky is offline Uncle Sparky
King
Winnipeg
Jan 1970
time: 23:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 06:39
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So... he had gold fillings, right?

You ever make out at a wake before?

I don't give a **** who he was, I'm here for the sandwiches.

Is his daughter seventeen or 18?

Widow comforting time !

Anyone else here a necrophiliac ?

They must have hacked off his feet to fit him into that coffin.

Wedgie !
JohnT is offline JohnT
Emperor
Capitalist
Mar 1999
time: 00:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 06:43
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Actually said:

"Well, this is better than a divorce."
Ming is offline Ming
Chief Minion

Donate to the Red Cross		 Mingapulco - CST
Jan 1970
time: 23:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 06:48 Visit Ming<br><img src=/forums/images/staff-icon.gif>'s homepage!
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Also actually heard at a wake...

"She looks better now than when she was alive"

OUCH.....
JohnT is offline JohnT
Emperor
Capitalist
Mar 1999
time: 00:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 06:49
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Doh!
Zero is offline Zero
King
Bouncing back and forth
Sep 2002
time: 00:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 06:49
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quote:
You ever make out at a wake before?

Done that
quote:

I don't give a **** who he was, I'm here for the sandwiches.

Done THAT. MANY TIMES

quote:

How long you think until he starts to stink?

That too

quote:

It's weird not seeing him drunk.

That reminds me of my gramp's.
quote:

HEY LOOK HE'S MOVING!!!!...kidding, kidding.

I should try that one.

quote:

Widow comforting time !

Not excatly but something along the lines of "time to look for grieving chicks"...

Also my favorite line:
"well... sucks to be him"

Humming Bach's Tocata is also fun to do.

You defintely dont want me in your wake/funeral... I just cant be serious in one.

Q Cubed is offline Q Cubed
Prince
t3h y3ll0w p3ril
Apr 1999
time: 23:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 06:56 Visit Q Cubed's homepage!
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said to someone going to a wake:

quote:
Have fun!
Richelieu is offline Richelieu
Warlord
Gatineau
Dec 2001
time: 00:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 07:04
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Tired of ads?

About freakin' time...
Ming is offline Ming
Chief Minion

Donate to the Red Cross		 Mingapulco - CST
Jan 1970
time: 23:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 07:07 Visit Ming<br><img src=/forums/images/staff-icon.gif>'s homepage!
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Also actually heard at a wake...

"Death was going to catch up with him eventually"
Urban Ranger is offline Urban Ranger
Apolyton Duke of Off-Topic

Donate to the Red Cross		 The City State of Noosphere, CPA special envoy
May 1999
time: 13:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 09:15
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quote:
 Originally posted by Uncle Sparky
Widow comforting time !


Sounds like some kind of Japanese porn.
Zero is offline Zero
King
Bouncing back and forth
Sep 2002
time: 00:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 09:19
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Inflate your Upload Space

how about walking in with a party hat on?
kring is offline kring
King
Wichita,KS,USA
Dec 2001
time: 23:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 12:22 Visit kring's homepage!
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Lose 30 kilos (of popups)

quote:
 Originally posted by Calc II

You defintely dont want me in your wake/funeral... I just cant be serious in one.


I wouldn't mind having you at my wake, not that it will be anytime soon. I want my wake to be a happy time, a celebration of my life, not a sad time like many wakes.

Something one of my friends would do is to plant a cell phone or pager on the dear departed and then call/page them, usually at a somber moment during the wake.
General Ludd is offline General Ludd
Emperor
Minion of the Dominion
Aug 2001
time: 05:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 16:55
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I read the title as "important things to say at a wake"

I double checked once I started reading the post.

Sava is offline Sava
King
GO GO GO!
Mar 2001
time: 23:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 16:58
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"Why all the sad faces? You'd think someone died."
Dauphin is offline Dauphin
Emperor
Caught in a tuna net
Jan 1970
time: 05:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 17:51
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Don't turn up dressed as Batman (Adam West variety).
Ming is offline Ming
Chief Minion

Donate to the Red Cross		 Mingapulco - CST
Jan 1970
time: 23:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 17:57 Visit Ming<br><img src=/forums/images/staff-icon.gif>'s homepage!
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Another actually heard at a wake...

"She's better off without him"
Stuie is offline Stuie
King
Have a beer!
Sep 2001
time: 00:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 18:03 Visit Stuie<br><a href=/members><img src=/forums/images/inmate-icon.gif border=0></a><BR>'s homepage!
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For a closed casket wake:

"Let's crack it open and take a peak."
Bereta_Eder is offline Bereta_Eder
Prince

Oct 2000
time: 07:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 19:07 Visit Bereta_Eder's homepage!
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"Finally"
rah is offline rah
Apolyton Prince of Moderators, Master of Reason
Lord of the Ferrets
Jan 1970
time: 23:27
  Old Post 16-04-2003 19:27
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Help yourself to an AD-FREE life

Isn't he about a 42 extra large.
Uncle Sparky is offline Uncle Sparky
King
Winnipeg
Jan 1970
time: 23:27
Cool  Old Post 17-04-2003 05:08
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The widow and I would like to announce our engagement.

At least he wasn't really one of us.

Its almost Easter... lets wait a couple of days & see what happens.

We have to keep this up for seven more days?!?! (Jewish only)

At a twins funeral, "So which one died again?"
Zero is offline Zero
King
Bouncing back and forth
Sep 2002
time: 00:27
  Old Post 17-04-2003 09:30
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quote:
 Originally posted by kring


I wouldn't mind having you at my wake, not that it will be anytime soon. I want my wake to be a happy time, a celebration of my life, not a sad time like many wakes.

Something one of my friends would do is to plant a cell phone or pager on the dear departed and then call/page them, usually at a somber moment during the wake.


I like that mentality. Its not that I wanna be a jackass, I just cant bear people trying to be somber about it.. and you KNOW some people are trying.

I would prefer to be cremated but I guess I can have a wake before I'm tossed into the furnace I guess. Ack I'm too young to think of these things.
Patashu is offline Patashu
Warlord
The mechanical dragon
Feb 2002
time: 15:27
  Old Post 17-04-2003 11:05
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boooring. (insert yawning and similar here)

(by the way, that's not related to the contents of the thread...heh.)
SpencerH is offline SpencerH
King
Co-Ruler of my patch of land south of Birmingham Alabama
Feb 2002
time: 23:27
  Old Post 17-04-2003 15:56
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This food sucks. What a cheapskate.
Uncle Sparky is offline Uncle Sparky
King
Winnipeg
Jan 1970
time: 23:27
  Old Post 19-04-2003 05:13
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(at a non-christian funeral)
"He's with Jesus now."
Japher is offline Japher
Prince
Ook! Ook! Ack! Ack! Ack!
Jun 2002
time: 05:27
  Old Post 19-04-2003 05:22
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Remove this text

To the widow: "I wonder if Rigamortus affects all muscles!"

To the guest of honor: "Well, thats one way to welch on a bet"

To the guest of honor: "I told you your spouse hit the wall, why did you get those glasses?"

Mummble the whole time: "Luck Bastard"
Ben Kenobi is offline Ben Kenobi
Emperor
McGregornobi!
Oct 2002
time: 21:27
  Old Post 19-04-2003 05:24
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(at a non-christian funeral)
"He's with Jesus now."



Tempting.

Immortal Wombat is offline Immortal Wombat
Prince
in perpetuity
Dec 2000
time: 05:27
  Old Post 19-04-2003 05:26 Visit Immortal Wombat's homepage!
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*stand by coffin*
*throw bouquet of flowers as if coming from coffin*

CATCH!!
 
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