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korn469
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Poetic Justic
Apr 1999
time: 00:27
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today's topic is white trash students, if you'll take your seat we'll begin
white trash (genus: pastyus wasteius) is often confused with many other other species that are often found in similar habitat. Some of those species are the common redneck (genus: sunburntus neckus), the varius species of poor (genus: lackus cashus), and rebels (genus: southest rises againus); yet, white trash has specific traits that clearly seperate it from any of those other species.
Lackus cashus and pastyus wasteius have the least amount in common. Both share the same habitat (mobile homes, inner cities, slums in general), and often forage the same territory for food and clothing (walmart), the big exception is that white trash is a very territorial species, they will remain in their habitat long after monetary resources permits the poor to migrate to places like the suburbs, and gather food at places like harris teeter. When approaching prey in the local grocery store armed with foodstamps, the poor will appear timid, and will often try to discreetly snare their dinner, while white trash takes a certain amount of belligerent pride in living off of the system. When essentials such as Miller High Life, Coors light, and Budweiser doesn't ring up as a food stamp item white trash will lash out at any unsuspecting cashier (genus: lackus degreeus) and berate them. In days of yore, when food stamps were actual paper stamps, adult white trash would send in their massive broods, each armed with a single food stamp to buy a pack of 25 cent big red chewing gum. They would then take the change to secure some temporary serenity (ie buy a pack of either tahoe's or marlboro reds). White trash would sacrifice almost anything for appropriate transportation, while the poor would take whatever they can get. The poor maybe found in old model ford escorts or dodge neons, while white trash will usually be found in older model ford mustangs, chevy cameros, or any form of pickup truck (especially one "improved with a lift kit").
White trash and common rednecks both have an affinity for colorful lawn decorations. These include, plastic pink flamingos, year round christmas decorations, especially snowmen, cinder blocks, old cars (especially ones in various states of disrepair on cinder blocks), tires, however, rednecks will often have jesus inspired decorations, and will be god fearing, white trash generally lack this trait, except when they have a chance to engage in religious bigotry. Common rednecks and white trash both consider NASCAR as the american (genus: belligerentus capitalus nationalus) past time. Discussions of the nuances of such figures as Dale jr., d1ck trickle, bobby labonte, etc. holds great importance in their hierarchy. The main exception is that the common redneck approachs NASCAR from the perspective that driving around in a circle 500 times is actually exciting, while white trash loves seeing a minor fender bender at 200 miles per hour turn into automotive catastrophy. As far as the next favorite sporting event this is where rednecks and white trash deverge. To the common red neck, they spend the year looking forward to hunting that evil beast, the dreaded white tailed deer (genus: bambius nochanceius). Without their efforts in curbing the deer population, one might have to question if it really was a good idea killing off all of the wolves (genus: hearderus murderus) in continental america. White trash on the other hand, enjoy the sophistication of the televised male soap opera, the new incarnation of physical drama, that paragon of entertainment professional wrestling. It has such traditional white trash values as violence solves everything, nothing looks better on a woman than breast implants, and hitting a person with a folding metal chair is truly the highest form of catharsis. Additionally, anything that looks like an indoor 4th of july can't be anything but good. Both white trash and rednecks find a liquid lunch of coors light to help make the day go by quicker, but a night cap of jack daniels is a white trash staple, since most lack a steady job (workus alotus), and waking up in time for a liquid lunch is a great way to start off the day.
Pastyus wasteius have much in common with southest rises againus, except for location. White trash can be found anywhere, rural or urban, north or south, while rebels are generally in the rural south. Both consider bellows such as yeeeeehaaawww! or WHOOOOOOOO! to be appropriate for virtually any social setting. Both are extremely aggressive when they feel threatened. Provocations such as sounding intellegent can bring grave repercussions. Rebels hark back for the days when the social system allowed slavery. White trash have no illusions of the reemergence of slavery, so they have adapted, and they year for the nirvana of a Social Security Disability check. These health problems often call for self medication, and white trash know enough about percecets, loritabs, and oxycotin (except long term side effects)to make a pharmacist envious. Rebels got engage in drinking and hell raising as a pastime, for white trash this is their primary focus. It is often possible to transplant a rebel into a foreign environment such as the military and to morph them into a common redneck or right winger (genus: republicanus maximus), but white trash will remain white trash in any environment it finds itself in.
One thing to remember about white trash is that it assumes it is just as knowledgable about any subject as a certified expert is. Fashion, white trash knows that tommy hilfiger is the end all be all of fashion. Arts, poker playing dogs are masterpieces, p1sscasso sucks. Cars, if it isn't made in america it isn't worth a damn. Sports, NASCAR and wrestling are good, fights in hockey is worth watch, everything else including golf has been "taken over" by those damned minorities. Education, anything more than a 10th grade education is a waste. Child rearing, if a beer and tv won't calm down the kids then that's why they make 2x4's. Work, if you're working you've obviously done something wrong. The rich, they stole it all from the poor, and I have a right to take it back. George W. Bush, hey he's already blasted two nations full of ragheads, really how bad can he be? Europeans, panzy ass commies, if we could find them on a map they'd be in trouble. Any contradiction of their "expertise" will be met with denial, slurs, and aggressive behavior.
Remember, always approach with caution, and never feed them or they will put a camper in your backyard and expect food from then on.
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Bereta_Eder
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so white trash = redneck?
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Bereta_Eder
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Redneck means something else, I'm sure!
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29-04-2003 03:39
Hmmm, so that's why. 
I'd have to say even though I wasn't raised white trash I have arrived!!
. That was the point of the objection.
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