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Worthingtons
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Pride Park,Derby
Jan 2002
time: 05:28
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Ok, a Question for anybody that knows.
Some day in my life, after I have graduated from University I would like to come and live in the greatest Nation on Earth - the USA.
But how do I do this legally?
I dont just want to work there for a while but actually become a US citizen so i have permanent stay.
How does the US select immigrants?? what kind of qualifications/experience would i require to get a green card?
Cheers
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Cruddy
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quote:
Originally posted by Boddington's
Why should anyone want to decline a hard working Brit? |
IIRC it's done on a quota system. Is it 50000? or 5000? Anyway, each country has a maximum number of applicants and if you're after that in a particular year you won't make it that year. End of story.
Also, things like criminal convictions and membership of certain organisations can either hinder or help your application.
For instance, if you've been convicted of "subversive activity" in a dictatorship, that would help.
If you've been convicted of importing cocaine, that would hinder.
So there's lots of reasons to decline a hard working Brit.
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Pekka
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em seu burro dos pais!
Feb 2002
time: 07:28
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In order to do that, you need to be saint, if you tasted cigarrette at the age of 10, you might be turned down.
Make sure you're millionaire and that you have triple PhDs, and you must have under 4% body fat.
You can't come alone, you have to have a wife so you don't take away the girls from native citizens.
You must have a job already, so you don't cramp the system, and it has to be a big company like Microsoft, because if it doesn't have more than 60 trillion dollar exchange, it can't be trusted.
You have to hate commies and preferrably killed one, confirmed. If someone in your family has ever been sick of fever, you can't come, you might kill the natives with your dirty bacteria.
You have to score 170 at mensa regulated IQ test while Justin Timberlakes newest hit is playing at 120 dbs, and your blood pressure will be monitored, you have to stay calm or you fail.
You have to know top 20 hits playing in the MTV, not MTV Europe(!!!).
This is the first stage, second stage is more physical.
35 chin ups with 10 kilo bags hanging in your legs, 600 sit ups with in 45 minutes (incomplete sit ups will result to electric shocks, most likely to kill a small baby or one with heart conditions), rope climbing with hands only (about 10 meters long rope, you must go up and down 4 times). 12 minute run, you must go at least 2.5 miles with a hangover and gasmask on your head. If you make it, you'll get an interview on swahili, you must answer every question as this will decide your fate. Questions varies from 'who was the 9828th president' to 'what was my great great great grandfathers rank in the civil war'.
Now, you made it! The last one is 10 grown men beating you like a pig, with sticks and electric shock devices, knives and chains. They ask you after 60 minutes of beating (if you are alive) if you still want to come. If you do, you're in! Woohoo!
If you fail at ANY stage of selection, you will be sent back immidately after beatings, naked and you can never come back.
But you can't own a car for the first 10 years, or have credit card, or vote, or have conversation with the natives.
Oh.. and this was before 9/11..
Last edited by Pekka on 08-06-2003 at 20:05
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C0ckney
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Big Up The Macedonian Massive
Apr 2000
time: 05:28
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my cousin has been living in california for the last year or so, loves it there, but i think he's been staying on temporary work permits and visas, bloody hard to become a citizen. ask calistaga (which i have, no doubt, spelled wrong) about what it took him, since he is from NZ but now a US citizen.
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Provost Harrison
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The farce is strong with this one.
Feb 2000
time: 05:28
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quote:
Originally posted by Pekka
In order to do that, you need to be saint, if you tasted cigarrette at the age of 10, you might be turned down.
Make sure you're millionaire and that you have triple PhDs, and you must have under 4% body fat.
You can't come alone, you have to have a wife so you don't take away the girls from native citizens.
You must have a job already, so you don't cramp the system, and it has to be a big company like Microsoft, because if it doesn't have more than 60 trillion dollar exchange, it can't be trusted.
You have to hate commies and preferrably killed one, confirmed. If someone in your family has ever been sick of fever, you can't come, you might kill the natives with your dirty bacteria.
You have to score 170 at mensa regulated IQ test while Justin Timberlakes newest hit is playing at 120 dbs, and your blood pressure will be monitored, you have to stay calm or you fail.
You have to know top 20 hits playing in the MTV, not MTV Europe(!!!).
This is the first stage, second stage is more physical.
35 chin ups with 10 kilo bags hanging in your legs, 600 sit ups with in 45 minutes (incomplete sit ups will result to electric shocks, most likely to kill a small baby or one with heart conditions), rope climbing with hands only (about 10 meters long rope, you must go up and down 4 times). 12 minute run, you must go at least 2.5 miles with a hangover and gasmask on your head. If you make it, you'll get an interview on swahili, you must answer every question as this will decide your fate. Questions varies from 'who was the 9828th president' to 'what was my great great great grandfathers rank in the civil war'.
Now, you made it! The last one is 10 grown men beating you like a pig, with sticks and electric shock devices, knives and chains. They ask you after 60 minutes of beating (if you are alive) if you still want to come. If you do, you're in! Woohoo!
If you fail at ANY stage of selection, you will be sent back immidately after beatings, naked and you can never come back.
But you can't own a car for the first 10 years, or have credit card, or vote, or have conversation with the natives.
Oh.. and this was before 9/11.. |
The US isn't that strict...Australia is though 
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Dr Strangelove
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quote:
Originally posted by Cruddy
IIRC it's done on a quota system. Is it 50000? or 5000? Anyway, each country has a maximum number of applicants and if you're after that in a particular year you won't make it that year. End of story.
Also, things like criminal convictions and membership of certain organisations can either hinder or help your application.
For instance, if you've been convicted of "subversive activity" in a dictatorship, that would help.
If you've been convicted of importing cocaine, that would hinder.
So there's lots of reasons to decline a hard working Brit. |
If you can manage to get yourself first order related to an American (spouse, parent, sibling) I think you can get around the quota system. Certain professions, like physician or computer programmer, have an easier time gettting in too.
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Lord Merciless
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Brits should never worry about quota. As long as Cruddy hasn't done anything criminal on record, his immigration into the US is guaranteed.
However, he still has to do all the paperwork and put up with the annoying INS. Trips to INS offices are always a nightmare.
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08-06-2003 18:55
, and I cant have ever taken part in Nazi activities or summat 
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