 |
| |
|
|
SlowwHand
|
 |
of The Cooler
Sep 1999
time: 23:28
|
|
Isn't NJ just NYC back-wash?
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons.
The flight attendant looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood
and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a
fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides
up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby disc ussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked! the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went ba ck and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
Chemical Ollie
|
 |
Bored of this board
Jan 2002
time: 06:28
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by SlowwHand
You do much better with English than I do, Olaf; forget Swedish. |
Thanks, That reply regained some of my respect for you. I formerly had an inner vision of you as some stupid redneck trailer-trash who rather went to personal attack than discussed the topic. I should perhaps reconsider that opinion.
After consulting my dictionary, I still only understand the fun of 1 or 2 of them. Are they supposed to be funny at all or is it just some sick, twisted humour? I have a Cambridge Proficiency Certificate in English but that isn't much of a help for these extremely subtle jokes.
Last edited by Chemical Ollie on 14-06-2003 at 03:55
|
|
| |
|
|
|
Tuberski
|
 |
ACK!!! PTHBBPPPTTT!!!!
Feb 2002
time: 23:28
|
|
For OLAF:
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons.
The flight attendant looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
carrion- carry on
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood
and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
two weevils- two evils
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a
fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
kayak and heat it too- cake and eat it too.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides
up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
man who shot my paw- normally said in westerns
by a son looking for the man who shot his Pa(Father)
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
transcend dental medication- Trancendental(sp) Meditation.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby disc ussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer- Chessnuts roasting on an open fire(christmas song)
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! ."
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal-If you've seen one you've seen them all.
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked! the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went ba ck and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars- You, and only You, can prevent forest fires.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis- A word from Mary Poppins. 
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
no pun in ten did- no pun intended.
 ACK!
|
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
|
MRT144
|
|
Seattle Washington
Oct 2002
time: 21:28
|
|
States i hate:
Alabama
Georgia
Missouri
Mississippi
South Carolina
North Carolina
Tennessee
Kentucky
Nebraska
Utah
Idaho
Ohio
Indiana
West Virginia
Maine
Michigan
Oklahoma
Pennsylvania
Wisconsin
States im Indifferent to:
Alaska
Arizona
Colorado
Conneticut
Deleware
Iowa
Kansas
Louisiana
Maryland
Massachusetts
Minnesota
Montana
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
North Dakota
Rhode Island
South Dakota
Virginia
Wyoming
States I like:
California
Florida
Illinois
Hawaii
Nevada
New York
Oregon
Texas
Vermont
Washington
Im really surprised california isnt winning this poll.
|
|
| |
All times are GMT. The time now is 05:28.
Apolyton Time is 00:28. |
top of page
|
| archivepost |
|
Forum Rules:
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
|
HTML code is ON
vB code is ON
Smilies are ON
[IMG] code is ON
|
|
|
|
|
|
14-06-2003 03:18
|