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Hot_Enamel
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Melbourne, Australia
Aug 2002
time: 14:29
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The Glory of News
Volume III, Wilderness Edition
Last Heir to House Ghengis Gone Mad.
Ghengis the DCXIX (619th), last surviving heir to the Ghengis Dynasty has been struck down by some kind of foul madness. Commonly referred to as "CrazyGhengis", Imperial invistigators report that it appears to be some foul curse brought about by evil magicks, most likely from some foreign Sorcerers. They believe it requires the casters to have come in contact with a close relative which means all foreign nations are suspect with the exception of Legoland who has never come in contact with any member of House Ghengis to our knowledge. It supposed that if the casters are ever destroyed the curse will be broken, but then that is just a theory. Note that they have ruled out any connection to the hereditary madness of Dread House Donegeal as there doesn't appear to be the characteristic rolling eye twitching and foul cursing.
Press on the Run!
Virtually the entire former Imperial family has been executed, died of "expediated" old age, or otherwise ceased to be a participant in the world of the living. As the publisher of this paper is somewhat distantly related to House Ghengis we have fled with what equipment we could into the jungles of NeuDemoSpania. Our main concern was the potential scarcity of paper supplies, but we have discovered that bananas can be pressed into a suitable and somewhat fragrant substitute. For some reason the locals have referred to this "paper" as gazette stock but we have no idea what they are talking about.
Blockheads Consolidate Powerbase.
His majesty, Lord Defender Panzer32, and his loyal Blockheads have begun their undisputed administration. First act on their agenda appears to be a vast and elaborate numbering campaign. All troops, people, pigs, bread products and other visible objects have been issued numbers and are required to display these numbers at all times or face extreme disiplinary action which can include anything up to permanent termination. The main glitches seem to be the number of raindrops which appear to not hold still long enough for the Numerical Agents to track or label. The abomidible drops also appear to dissipate on contact with the ground. To bring them under control the Blockhead chamberlain has outlawed all raindrops throughout the empire. The raindrops don't appear to be concerned.
Dragon Slayed!
Lord UnOrthOdOx of Chaos House UnOrthOdOx is now the proud slayer of an immense dragon. Biologists and scholars from throughout the empire have gathered around the carcass to poke, prod, and kick the beast in order to determine..... who knows, but they seemed to be having a good time.
Peace in our Time.
The War of the Immortalled Chicken has come to an end. Diplomats from Gathering Storm and Vox Controli have signed documents ending the long conflict. Rumored but as of yet unsubstantiated clauses include one where Vox must present Nine Pristine Virgins for the amusement of the All High Giant Chicken of the Original Thirteen Herbs and Spices.
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Nuclear Winter
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Hmm, so this newspaper is now runing on Spanish banana, eh?
You are to be subjected to the ´´547th law of Bananic taxation´´, by wich you must pay 50% of the money obtained by the use of the banana, or else be put under arrest under the competent governor. It is a great coincidence, but I am the competet governor, so you may just pay me it... 
No, no need to bother the king, or anyone that important with this issue... he would not remember very well anyway, this law of taxation is somewhat new... so if you stay quiet i can just make it cheaper for you.. yeah, how do you like 42%? ok to you?
And remember, I may even send some guards tehre to protect your press from any jungle threat. Of course, there would be a small compensation involved  ...
* Nuclear Winter prays no one form teh roleplay team will see this... 
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