04-07-2003 01:56									#31
	Lose 30 kilos (of popups)

The ratio of news cameramen to soldiers will be 3 to 1.

	04-07-2003 01:58									#32
	Suffering from ads?

this thread isn't funny at all

	04-07-2003 02:13									#33
	Got spare money?

Soldiers going to combat must be naked.

	04-07-2003 02:16									#34
	Suffering from ads?

well Pekka, that sophisticated statement changed my opinion 180 degree

	04-07-2003 02:19									#35
	Enter the AD-FREE zone

Female soldiers going to combat will be naked. Enemy soldiers will not shoot, but when they try to start small talk with the females, they will pull out plastic explosives and plant them on the soldier before shunning him and walking away.

Male soldiers going to combat will be naked. But only in battles north of the tropic of cancer. (or was it capricorn?)

	04-07-2003 02:22									#36
	Support Apolyton, buy GURPS/ Alpha Centauri

26. Victory is to be defined as being the first army to be evicted from the battlefield involuntarilly. Who needs that field anyway?

27. Soliders must be asured that if they surrender, their families back home will be treated well and with respect, and get pensions, but if they are killed, their famiules will be executed. This will insure that they will do everything possible not to die.

	04-07-2003 02:29									#37
	Support Apolyton, pre-order Civilization IV

CLOSE COMBAT RULES PART I:

If enemy droppes his weapons, you must solve the fight with arm wrestling. Strongest vs strongest, weakest vs weakest.

If situation is going no where, both holding guns, then fight must be break dance battled out. Locals will provide the music, or if not possible, wounded ones will be human beat boxes. If attacker wins, defenders must surrender. If defenders win, attackers must retreat.
The highest ranks of both parties will be judges, and if they can't come into conclusion who wins, they must do deathmatch break dancing, naked. The one wins with bigger applauds.

	04-07-2003 02:30									#38
	Support Apolyton or Terrorists Win

Where the hell is the French bashing?

ACK!

	04-07-2003 02:32									#39
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

28. When invading communist countries, all troops must bellow "You offer no evidence...you offer nothing...and yet you want to destroy capitalism...you criminal!" at the top of their voices.

	04-07-2003 02:37									#40
	Support Apolyton

29. When invading communist countries, we must provide so many choppers as there are enemies divided by 4. Lure the enemies into the choppers, so we can throw them out mid air. We must pretend to be their friends and with good will, so they will trust us and come to choppers with open minds and happy thoughts.

	04-07-2003 02:55									#41
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations: Deluxe Edition

quote: Originally posted by Cruddy ACW tactics were radically different?

Don't you know your Mark Twain?

The ACW was one armed mob versus another armed mob. Over and over.

	04-07-2003 02:55									#42
	Increase Your PM Length

The new close combat weapon shall be the Caber.



From extensive study of Star Trek, we have determined that organic technology is superior. Thus for helmets our troops shall use unkempt matted hair that they grow anyway

	04-07-2003 03:10									#43
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization 2

When encountering a shirt-wearing enemy, all soldiers will be required to immediately remove their shirts in order to maintain proper shirts vs. skins decorum.

	04-07-2003 03:31									#44
	Increase the size of your Attachments

In order to stop waste of valuable ammunition and for purposes of record keeping, after every shot is fired, the soldier must fill out a FSQ-3312 form detailing the specific nature of the threat that warrented a bullet/shell/bomb, the signatures of 3 witnesses, all relevent weather information, etc. After the form is filled out, the FSQ-3312 must be submitted to higher authority and commented on before subsequent firing resumes.

	04-07-2003 05:17									#45
	Support Apolyton, buy GURPS/ Alpha Centauri

quote: Originally posted by gopher In order to stop waste of valuable ammunition and for purposes of record keeping, after every shot is fired, the soldier must fill out a FSQ-3312 form detailing the specific nature of the threat that warrented a bullet/shell/bomb, the signatures of 3 witnesses, all relevent weather information, etc. After the form is filled out, the FSQ-3312 must be submitted to higher authority and commented on before subsequent firing resumes.

OMG gopher! that is hilarious, and sounds like something somebody in the pentagon would come up with

	04-07-2003 05:19									#46
	Lose 30 kilos (of popups)

korn469, nah, he just borrowed it from UN soldiers doctorine..

	04-07-2003 05:23									#47
	Support Apolyton, pre-order Civilization IV

Only shoot if fired upon........

ACK!

	04-07-2003 05:38									#48
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations

quote: Only shoot if fired upon........

or even better, you can only return fire if you've actually been hit.

	04-07-2003 11:41									#49
	Remove this text

Once you are hit, file a form. Also file a form on your type of gun you plan to react with and your time and location upon reaction. Make sure you keep up with your bullets--file a FSX 113.9 form on each of them. Before you can get medical attention at the local field hospital, you must file form QSS 982-238 on the nature of the injury.

	04-07-2003 11:58									#50
	Inflate your Upload Space

quote: 10. All orders will be issued in Latin, since they are so holy, that it is not up to the troops to actually know what their orders where.

Almost true.
During WW1 many, and I do mean many flemish soldiers died because they were not able to understand the orders given by the officers who all spoke french(Walloons) and not dutch. Not that they cared of course.

	04-07-2003 16:28									#51
	Avatar Enlargement: We've got the solution

Taking a leaf out of many contemporary platform games that feature a 'double' character, tall soldiers will be teamed up with small soldiers. The tall soldier will be the 'runner', whilst the small soldier, who rides in the runner's backpack, will be the shooter. The shooter is armed with an assault rifle, a heavy machine gun, a sniper rifle and a rocket laucher, which can be steadied on a tripod on the runner's head. Because the runner will probably be deafened by constant shooting, he will recieve his instructions via a series of knocks (in Morse Code) to the back of the head.