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red_jon
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Uni of Wales Swansea
Oct 2000
time: 05:29
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MCDonald's Halt Health-food Kick
Now giving away free cigarettes with Happy Meals.
New York, 14:52 GMT - The McDonalds Corporation have unexpectedly halted production of their new healtheir food products, such as the McLettuce SuperSalad and have announced plans to give various tobacco- based freebies to children, including cigarettes, cigars and Professor McTar's Chewing Tobacco.
Whilst the move is reported to have caused outrage amongst various consumer groups, the McDonald's Corporation remained undeterred. Hugh Jankdon, spokesman for the gigantious food monopoly stated to a crowd of proletarians gathering outside a local branch in New York City, "No-one was buying ur healthier products like the McCucumber Sandwich, so we decided 'f*ck it' - if you morons want to kill yourselves, we may as well help the process along a little. Next August we will be releasing fanatastic new foodstuffs such as the new 'Vodka and Gin McFlurry' and the 'Ultimate McLard Burger' for you to clog your already overfilled arteries with."
Scientists estimate that the move will lower world-wide life expectancies by about 10 years, the move possibly proving a greater threat to mankind than AIDS. An estimated 10,000 American children predicted to develop severe asthma conditions within the first month of the project, whilst the McKiddie Tequila shots are said to damage the health of minors yet further.
Other giant food corporations have taken similar steps, with Burger King announcing their new Big King Heroin Hit and KFC's Colonel Kentucky's Cocaine Surprise.
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Just to prove I am still working on Glory Today - it's just I've now got it in html and am having trouble finding a server 
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12-07-2003 02:56
ACK!
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