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Panzer32
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Queens University, Kingston, Ontario
Oct 2002
time: 00:29
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The Glory of News
Volume IV, Wilderness Edition
Glory of War puts the 'war' back in warmongering
In an unprecidented declaration yesterday, the Glory of War emperor Panzer32 said these things:
quote:
Translated from D-case
It is with a heavy heart that I tell you that the nations of the Glory of War and Espania are in a state of war. |
After the crowd was stunned that Panzer had actually spoken, they took the message in. Soon, the crowd had grown into a mob, and were clubbing each other over the head with various blunt objects such as axes and spears. Although it isn't clear whether this was an act of support for the government's decision or an attempted mass suicide before the Roleplay army came, it is clear that the nation of the Glory of War is in a buzz over this news.
Citizen speaks out
One citizen, a descendant of the one great Farbial dynasty, completely supports this move. He was even so kind as to grant the Glory of News a list of why he supports this action:
quote:
GhengisFarb's Top Ten Reasons to Kick the Role out of Roleplay.
10) They don't shower and stink up the whole continent.
9) The whole "we claim this entire half of the continent and you have to share the smaller half with the other two northern civs" fiasco.
8) They publicly chastised us for intimidating Vox to back off Bob, when they did the EXACT same thing to us, ND, and Lux.
7) They are hogging 75% of the entire world's supply of luxuries.
6) We're Agents of Chaos and this Spanish Inquistion crap seems a tad to orderly.
5) There's a least one lawyer on their team, need we say more?
4) ND can offer us German Beer, Roleplay can offer us squid, no contest.
3) They promised military support to Lux and Vox and left both hanging high and dry.
2) They weasel, lie, manipulate, and plot against all civs and are pure evil incarnate. My bad, I see I already covered the lawyer bit.
AND FINALLY GHENGISFARB's NUMBER ONE REASON TO WIPE OUT ROLEPLAY....
1) Almost every member of the Sunshine Team is on the Roleplay team and I want to kick some Hippie-Nazi a$$. |
Interview with the Emperor
After his stunning announcement yesterday, we sat down with Panzer32, Glorious Emperor of the Glory of War:
Glory of News: Great Panzer, I am baffled about your reasons for this announcement! Can you tell our readers what led to this declaration?
Panzer32: Well Bob, I can't go into a whole lot of detail on this, or the civil servants would have to kill me. But I can say that our two diplomatic styles do not match. This makes conflict inevitable sometime down the road.
GoN: I can't help noticing that this announcement was very sudden; what caused this?
P32: Everyone, besides you apparently, knows that it is bad military strategy to say you are going to declare war months before you are ready to attack. It makes for a "not good war" to use the technical term.
GoN: uh... what is that siren?
P32: Its an arrow roleplaying itself as a cruise missile! Head to the bunker; it might have dangerous squid ink in it! 
GoN: You heard it here first, folks! The Roleplay team is sending their SqCUiD missiles at the target of oppertunity of Panzer32's secret press conference room!
P32: Get under the table you idiot!
GoN: hey! Those are birds not SqCUiDs!!
P32: Just precautionary.
Blockhead Security Agent: Panzer32, it is not safe for you to be here! You must flee the city and hide in the secret caves of Concord!
GoN: *whistles
BSA: Hey, are you recording!! Hey!!! Get out of here!!....
When I regained consciousness, I found myself in the forests of skulgaria... no idea why. If this news report comes a little late into main HQ in Imperial City, you'll know why... the postal service from Skulgaria to the Core in atrocious!!
-Glory of News reporter Bob, signing off.
PS - why am I chained to a skull??
Spanish Noble Caught in Sex Scandal; Pictures Tell All
Master Zen makes a claim upon the Throne of Spain
Grand Chancellor Master Zen, Consul of Foreign Affairs of the Glory of War has accompanied his nation's declaration of war with a claim upon the Throne of Spain.
In what has become a pastime of his during the last couple of years, Master Zen has been tracing his lineage as far back as possible. For those who don't remember, Master Zen came as an unknown, apparently a lost son of the mountains and seas when his clan arrived at the shores of Zenophobia many years before. However, it was quite easy to figure out that he did not look like the average Warmonger, and resembled more the latin blood of the Spaniard.
It was found out recently by the Warmongerian Heritage Society, a non-profit organization dedicated to the tracing of lineages back to our savage caveman and barbarian past, that in fact, Master Zen is a direct decendant of an ancient tribe of Spaniards who many years ago competed for the throne of Spain. It was, however, the House of Togas, which emerged as leaders of that nation, and their blood-line has been unchallanged as the rightful royal family of Spain.
Until now. Master Zen has vowed to restore the throne of Spain to it's rightful owner, the House of Zen, as well as claim for himself the hand of Marisa Sophia Togas, daughter of the King, and who he has already bonked a couple of times in the Royal Hotel of Pamplona during his days as Ambassador.
Long live the rightful King of Spain!
Hot_Enamel's Special Message to Roleplay
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16-07-2003 06:58
Sorry Master Zen I declared war on the wrong civ 
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