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mrmitchell
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The year is 2020.
I walk into my doctor's office. I'm here for my checkup.
"Last name?"
"Mitchell."
"Okay, Mitchell...Mitchell...okay. Mitchell. Had anything strange lately?"
"No, I'm just here for a checkup."
"Good. Now, just sit down and let the chair take your pulse and temperature..."
"Very good! The full diagnosis will start churning out in a few minutes. Just stay still."
Several minutes later, an 8.5x11 paper shoots out of a slot in the back of the chair. "Have you been feeling anything lately?"
"Had a little of a cough."
"Okay, you've got a dormant case of the uncommon cold. I'll send this to the lab and they'll have a pill ready to pick up at the front desk in a few hours."
I said "Okay", signed out, and left. While I was out I grabbed a Taco Bell **** In a Bun and surfed on Agoogleton. (I was off work for the day--called in sick completely rather than filled the X-9J Partial Absence Form.)
Just as I was done reading a thread about the Ukraine Disaster, I noticed the time, and hopped in the car to go back to the clinic.
I walked in, picked up my pills, and left. On the way home I read the instructions. "Take one tablet once daily for three days. Cures for the Cold, Provided by Microsoft (R)."
Why, 20 years ago on Agoogleton I remembered there was some lone nut called Asher that was a Softie fan. I don't know why I thought it, I just did. Well, I got home, got a glass of Coca-Water, and took the pill, drinking it down with the Coca-Water. As I did, I felt this tingling feeling, but I guessed that it was just the pill at work.
Microsoft had a deal with Medical Incorporated that it would create the operating systems their pill synthesizers (one at the clinic lab had created mine just a couple of hours ago) for "all time until the Great Bill redeems us." The pills themselves carried a few agents that were to be dispersed over random locations throughout the body that would then send back signals to the clinic on how I was doing.
I got back on Agoogleton and started checking on the Off-Topic Forum. As I responded to a cheap troll about rappers being the new rebellion men, I felt a strong rupturing in my stomach. My throat closed up and I couldn't breathe. I fell out of my chair and started having seizures on the floor, which eventually slowed as I ran out of energy. Finally, blood spurted up out of my mouth and nose, and I closed my eyes and died.
At the clinic, the printout of my pill's status report had started.
code:
Microsoft Health Division
Pill XP Professional Edition
Copyright Microsoft Corp., 2019.
UNIT 059x32009
TEMP 98 F / 37 C
PULSE 1--
Windows
A Fatal Exception OE has occured at 059x32009:77893aB3329018. The current dosage will be terminated.
* Press any key to terminate the current dosage.
* Press CTRL-ALT-DEL (R) to destruct the pill. You will lose any unsaved information.
Press any key to terminate
When they autopsied my body, they found that my stomach walls were covered with shards of microscopic metal, and that the pill had dispensed several compacted grams of pure Columbian cocaine (a drug used, in microquantities, as a painkiller) into my lungs.
Viva le Microsoft!
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30-07-2003 05:20
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