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unscratchedfoot
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Love me tender. Love me sweet.
May 2002
time: 14:30
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This story includes real people I know and they requested I write them a story. I wasn't planning to post this story here but I think the forum needs a little something to keep it going until the real goods come in. The structure in this story is very simple cause its designed for japanese people to read it (they still said it was so hard). There are a few Japanese words in this story so a vocab list is included in for readers who don't speak Japanese.
kurukuru pa = airhead
marathon = if anyone runs for more than 100 meters, Japanese call it a 'marathon'
nampa = to hit on, pick up a girl
gaijin = foreigner
ganbatte = do your best, hang in there
mochi = rice put into a wide bucket and pounded with clubs to make a hard slab of it
osoroshi na = how terribly scary!
Kurukuru Pa Marathon
On a warm and sunny Sunday afternoon in the busy downtown shopping area of Sakae, two young japanese ladies named Yukiko and Makiko are at a bank ATM machine loading up on cash to do a little shopping. Makiko in particular, is planning to pick up some deals on some new summer fashions so she withdraws a hefty 50,000 yen.
Yukiko looks around while waiting for her friend and suddenly starts patting Makiko on the shoulder, "Look! Look! Some handsome gaijin boys are coming! I hope they do nampa!"
Makiko gives them a brief glance and says, "I'm a bit nervous about carrying all this cash. I hope they don't come too close."
The two girls start walking down the street towards their favorite clothing shops and on the way they look back over their shoulders at the boys.
The boys were running at them!
"Kyaaaaaaaaaaa!!" shrieks Makiko and Yukiko joins in the scream with her. They take off down the street to escape from the 2 dangerous gaijin. Their expensive, high-heeled shoes, totally unsuited for running in, make a terrible loud clacking sound as they dash away.
A little ways down the street, an American english teacher with raven-black hair named Raul, also a master fisherman, is spending a relaxing Sunday and has just finished going to a fishing store to buy a new fish club. Just as he is having a nice day dream about reeling in a big fish, the 2 screaming girls come running around the street corner towards him.
"Hey, its Raul, our english teacher!" yells Makiko in relief.
"Yahhh, he'll save us!" adds Yukiko.
Upon seeing the 2 girls running at him in such desperation, Raul's eyes widen in sheer terror and he turns around and bolts.
So on down the street they all go, the 2 gaijin boys chasing the 2 young gals who are chasing Raul. As they pass people on the street, some of them call out "Ganbatte!"
A block ahead of them, a legendary english teacher named Perry, has just opened up a 60's style hamburger shop called Perry's Burger Hut. He's quite happy with the whole operation and is now cooking up some hamburger patties and mushrooms.
A couple of gentlemen in black suits, one fat and tubby, the other skinny and weaslelike, come in the entrance and Perry approaches them with a menu. "Good day, gentlemen. Please take a seat where you like. Today's special is mushroom hambur..."
"We no eat." interrupts the fatter one who has a blemished face and his skin is peeling off on some parts. He obviously has never attended any of Perry's english classes. "Me name is Mr. Kawamuki."
The skinny man, whose nose is so oily that Perry thinks it is going to start dripping, says, "My name is Hirobiro. Nice to meet you." The evil look on his face gives Perry the impression he really doesn't know what he is saying.
"You make store, you pay us 300,000 yen or $3000 American dollar." says Kawamuki.
"Huh?" Perry fakes stupidity with a moronic expression on his face even though he fully realizes these are yakuza, Japanese mafia, trying to extort money from him.
Hirobiro's english is slightly better so he takes over. "This is Japanese custom. When business open, must pay to us our fee."
"Well, if you aren't going to belly up to the counter for some lunch, I suggest you move along. Your breath stinks." says Perry.
"If you no pay we send chimpira to beat you like mochi!" threatens Hirobiro.
Perry feels a little nervous now. The 2 over-the-hill thugs infront of him are no worry, but chimpira, young low-ranking criminals hoping to become yakuza, are known for their violent tactics. And the police protect them as well. He thinks hard for a solution. Then he has a good idea! He would make up a story about how he has a super tough friend who can kick their butts.
"I have a friend who'll beat-up any chimpira you send here." says Perry. The two yakuza exchange smirks and have a little chuckle.
"It's true. He has black hair and eyes like steel. He's taken candy from children and bones from the mouths of hungry dogs. And he's a real lady-killer too!"
The thugs think Perry means his friend actually kills women - something highly respected by yakuza as a sign of toughness, even though Perry just meant he was good at picking up women. They look hesitant.
Perry sees they are falling for it so he hits them with what he thinks is a killer line, "I've seen him beat fish to death in only 30 seconds!"
"Osoroshi na." says Hirobiro who's really starting to look scared.
"You are liar!!" barks Kawamuki and reaches into his pocket for his cell phone.
Perry can see that Kawamuki's the boss and has a lot more experience with extortion situations. His heartbeat goes up and he knows he's running out of cards to play. "Um... uh... would a nice yummy burger do instead?"
The sound of running footsteps approaching distracts them. The yakuza look out the door and seem to freeze for a moment. "Chikusho! Kare da!!" (*Damn! Its him!) cries Hirobiro.
"Hashire!!!" (*Run!!) yells Kawamuki.
Perry has no idea whatsoever about what's going on so he too looks out the door just as Raul goes sprinting past, huffing and puffing, holding a fish club in one hand.
Moments later come the 2 girls out-of-breath but still running hard. The 2 gaijin boys are almost upon them like a pair of hungry wolves closing in for the kill.
"Help!" plead the girls.
Perry sticks his leg out, tripping both of the dangerous gaijin. They tumble to the cement, yelling in pain and surprise, and jump up and keep on running, but the girls have managed to gain a little distance on them.
Perry, unable to make sense of it all, shakes his head and heads back to the grill to continue flipping burgers.
Many people on the street stop and watch the race. An elderly couple are admiring the runners and the wife says to her husband, "I didn't know a marathon was scheduled for today."
The string of runners is yet made a little longer when a salaryman coming out of a CocoIchiban curry shop takes off running at the sight of the yakuza. Perhaps he owes them some money or something.
Inevitably someone watching the race thinks someone is up to no good and calls the police. The police drive around for awhile trying to figure where the line of runners is headed to. The truth is they really are not heading to anywhere at all.
On a narrow side-street ahead, a construction company is repairing the road after digging it up for no reason as part of the government make-work program. They are pouring cement into the sidewalk and barriers are set up to keep people out.
The salaryman running from the yakuza is first to get there, and without thinking, he jumps over the barrier and into the cement. A moment later the yakuza show-up and manage to stop just in time when they see the first man struggling in the cement like someone in a mud-wrestling match. Next, 2 police cars arrive and as the runners come in, the police order them to halt.
"Stop da! Mina nani shittenda?!" (*What the hell are you all doing?). Everyone is gasping to catch their breath and Kawamuki looks like he is going to pass out.
First the man in the cement who now looks like a melting marshmellow calls out, "Those yakuza were after me!"
Then Kawamuki says, "That crazy gaijin with the freaking club was trying to kill us!"
Raul looks confused and says in a mild tone, "I was just running from those 2 girls."
Yukiko and Makiko call out in unison, "We wanted you to save us from those robbers!" and they pointed at the 2 gaijin boys.
"So what's your story then?" the police ask the boys.
One boy holds up a bank ATM card and gestures to the girls, saying, "The young lady left her card in the bank machine and we just wanted to give it back to her."
The End
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01-08-2003 20:55
quite farsical, I enjoyed that immensely Scratch 
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