27-08-2003 08:50									#1
	Reverie of Empire: A Poem Put an end to popups!

I am not known for my poetry and yet I felt inclined to write and post this. It's not a gambit at the contest, I could care less whether it is entered or not. It is Civ related so I won't deny it from the contest (See: Political Freedom) but I won't be the one to nominate it, if it goes in it'll be a clean entrance without the pollution of my input. I mostly have put it here for feedback purpouses though. The story is set at the Anarchy between a Republic and a Democracy (Or just away from a Republic). It holds a far less idealised version of Anarchy than I usually do, but the guy who's telling the story isn't happy where he is. There is nothing insignificant in this Poem, the seagulls, even the foam of the waves.

It is also pretty short

Reverie of Empire
A Poem

The seagulls played their idle games;
Dancing atop the foamy waves,
As I stood there in the darkness bleak
In hopes that I would move my feet,
My love; the Law, has come and gone;
I betrayed it without word or song,

Judas, at least, gave one last kiss;
A mocking of devotion’s bliss,
I left no final hint thereof;
And yet I did betray my love,
Oh mighty Law; broken foundation,
Forgive me: I fled the tribulation,

May God, in his mercy, grant me a soul,
Of greater strength, to withstand all,
And place within me better sense
Of loyalty and faithfulness,
For I am lord of sinners all
King of weakness, Lord of the fall.

Without Satan’s determination; true
But weaker still, than him or you;
Without a crutch of wickedness
Behind which to hide my faithlessness,
I do repent in these dark days,
And pray that I may find the way.

Once a Judge of Court Supreme,
I ran and hid when all would scream
I hide yet now; when law is dead,
I have no constance, the road my bed
I watch and wait for better day,
When all in peace might turn and say
Words of forgiveness to his brother
And repent of Anarchy to one another.

Until that day; distant and bleak,
Here I make my judgment seat,
I roam and hide and offer council
To all who want it I have mounts full,
Little else have I to give;
Than treasured mistakes of a life poorly lived.

And so; as dire as you may feel,
Always remember my ordeal,
For slight you as the world may do;
You never thirst for that which is true
And yet I wander; roam the country,
In search of all which has been lost to me.

Hold tight to laws and please adhere;
For alternatives are too much to bear.

Last edited by SKILORD on 28-08-2003 at 07:42

	27-08-2003 22:10									#2
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Its very good SKI, my only thought is you have been too concerned with getting it to rhyme in certain places.

A poem doesnt always have to rhyme perfectly as long as the overall work fits together well.

It was enjoyable to read and deserves a

	28-08-2003 04:52									#3
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I first thought, this poem was about some out-of-work lawyer.

True, a poem doesn't have to rhyme.

But, the rhyming gives it an added beat/ rhythim, which makes it very enjoyable and interesting. At least to me. So keep rhyming.

In conclusion, I like it. Good Job!!!

	28-08-2003 05:39									#4
	Re: Reverie of Empire: A Poem Enter the AD-FREE zone

quote: Originally posted by SKILORD I mostly have put it here for feedback purpouses though.

You mean you put it here for feeding porpoises?

	28-08-2003 07:28									#5
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Well, I didn't write that on Word so it wasn't spellchecked. I am an awful speller.

quote: I roam and hide and offer council To all who accept it I have mounts full, Little else have I to give Than the mistakes of a life poorly lived.

This is where the rhyming really started to fall apart, I can see it too.

I'm gonna go over this with as fine of a gramatical brush as I can wield to try to sort out the words into a better cadance (sp?).

	31-08-2003 13:39									#6
	Put an end to popups!

That is great

Love to see poetry in action

thank you

	31-08-2003 14:34									#7
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Ive just sat and reread this and noticed the very fine touches you have made, well it was good already but youve only gone and made it spectacular !! well done it was a joy to read

	01-10-2003 00:47									#8
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Well, I've never been able to enjoy English-language poetry much... Just doesn't fit my ear nearly as well as Russian poetry... So, I can't really fully appreciate this... But I think it is pretty good. I mean, I wouldn't have been able to write something nearly as good as this. I really like the rythm you developed in the first two... eh, I don't really know the word, stanza's? And while it kind of went away later on, I think the poem still shows a great deal of effort and quality. Kudos for that, my friend.