23-09-2003 03:18									#1
	What the hell do I say? Remove this text

I'm re-establishing contact with my biological father, a man I barely remember and who I haven't spoken to in at least 17 years, mainly cause I was raised to think my (step)dad was my bio-dad. Big family secret, now out in the open. Except to my (step)dad. Cause things can never be simple and clear cut in my family. That would defeat the point of being in my family.

Anyway, so via my Nan, I tell bio-dad I'm back in England and I know the ins and outs of what happened. I've now got an email from him sitting in front of me and....I don't know what to say. All my witty cultural references have drained away. How do I condense the past life I've led into an email? What do I say that doesn't sound like the kind of thing you read in, say, a Poly profile? Do I jump into the nitty, gritty details like fave food, personal hero, the fact I sleep with men, the ten things I'd take to a deserted island? Do I just provide the personal equivalent of a free sample, the actual package provided upon return email?

do I send a picture of myself? Are there pictures of me that show me sober?

	23-09-2003 03:21									#2
	Suffering from ads?

Who says you have to cram everything into your first e-mail?

That would likely just create confusion, miscommunication, and frustration via overwhelming amount of information anway.

	23-09-2003 03:22									#3
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

Wow!



No idea, but I'll give some suggestions.

Your relationship with your father has nothing to do with you being gay. Well, seeing as there isn't a relationship, uh, well it really is none of his buisness even if there was a relationship, so I just wouldn't bring it up. Actually, if your dad says "The reason I left is because I realized I was gay" then maybe you could bring it up

I would just keep it CV-ish for now. The guy is a perfect stranger afterall. Tell him what you have been up to, what your interests are, ect... And just ask him a lot of questions and see what he volunteers. Really, IMO, it is up to him to make the effort to get to know you. He owes it to you...

	23-09-2003 03:25									#4
	Got spare money?

quote: Originally posted by Japher Really, IMO, it is up to him to make the effort to get to know you. He owes it to you...

It's an ieeensy bit more complicated than that. With my family, it always is.

	23-09-2003 03:26									#5
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization III: Complete

No idea really.
Can't you just meet him someplace? You could send an e-mail about that.

	23-09-2003 03:27									#6
	Support Apolyton

quote: It's an ieeensy bit more complicated than that. With my family, it always is.

That sucks. I ditch drama... I have no room for it.

	23-09-2003 03:31									#7
	Increase the size of your Attachments

quote: Originally posted by Starchild It's an ieeensy bit more complicated than that. With my family, it always is.

Like I said, why cram everything in the first e-mail?

	23-09-2003 03:32									#8
	Browse Apolyton AD-FREE

Tell him to come to this site and have him get to know you by reading your posts... Yet, tell him your name is Park Avenue

	23-09-2003 03:35									#9
	Support Apolyton

Perhaps the more pressing question is, what don't you tell him. Be careful with that one.

	23-09-2003 03:36									#10
	Suffering from ads?

quote: Originally posted by Japher Tell him to come to this site and have him get to know you by reading your posts... Yet, tell him your name is Park Avenue

That will be the day -- if he can ever pass for Park Avenue, then I can pass for Slowwhand.

	23-09-2003 03:45									#11
	Increase Your PM Length

Is the desire to become reaquainted mutual ?

	23-09-2003 03:54									#12
	Re: What the hell do I say? Avatar Enlargement: We've got the solution

quote: Originally posted by Starchild Do I jump into the nitty, gritty details like fave food, personal hero, the fact I sleep with men, the ten things I'd take to a deserted island?

youcan combine all these

Jon Miller

	23-09-2003 04:10									#13
	Re: What the hell do I say? Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

quote: Originally posted by Starchild I'm re-establishing contact with my biological father, a man I barely remember and who I haven't spoken to in at least 17 years, mainly cause I was raised to think my (step)dad was my bio-dad. Big family secret, now out in the open. Except to my (step)dad. Cause things can never be simple and clear cut in my family. That would defeat the point of being in my family. Anyway, so via my Nan, I tell bio-dad I'm back in England and I know the ins and outs of what happened. I've now got an email from him sitting in front of me and....I don't know what to say. All my witty cultural references have drained away. How do I condense the past life I've led into an email? What do I say that doesn't sound like the kind of thing you read in, say, a Poly profile? Do I jump into the nitty, gritty details like fave food, personal hero, the fact I sleep with men, the ten things I'd take to a deserted island? Do I just provide the personal equivalent of a free sample, the actual package provided upon return email? do I send a picture of myself? Are there pictures of me that show me sober?

Just email him and tell him who you are - a raving alcoholic queen with a penchant for the biosciences - he'll just have to like you for who you are!

	23-09-2003 04:24									#14
	Enter the AD-FREE zone

Why not easy him in and not put out to much information at once?

	23-09-2003 05:17									#15
	Support Apolyton or Terrorists Win

Well, the reason I asked my question was because the answer will help determine how much and how fast to say what you want to say.

	23-09-2003 17:39									#16
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations

Drop the whole "dad" thing -- there's too much pressure in that. Sure, technically he sired you, but for your purposes right now he's really something like a distant relative you are trying to get to know better. If your family put you in touch with your third-cousin-twice-removed, how would you start that conversation? I suspect the same thing applies here.

	23-09-2003 17:51									#17
	Help yourself to an AD-FREE life

Do you intend to meet him face to face eventually? If so then you need to say a bit about your attitude to life as well as something of what you have done in the last few years (what you did at school as a child can wait).

Try and say just enough that if you do meet him then he won't wonder if you are the same person who sent the email.

	23-09-2003 18:09									#18
	Support Apolyton

quote: I'm re-establishing contact with my biological father, a man I barely remember and who I haven't spoken to in at least 17 years, mainly cause I was raised to think my (step)dad was my bio-dad. Big family secret, now out in the open. Except to my (step)dad. Cause things can never be simple and clear cut in my family. That would defeat the point of being in my family.

Actually, things can be as clear as you make them - tell your stepdad you know and be done with it: there is no need living a lie. It's your life, take it into your own hands.

quote: Anyway, so via my Nan, I tell bio-dad I'm back in England and I know the ins and outs of what happened. I've now got an email from him sitting in front of me and....I don't know what to say. All my witty cultural references have drained away. How do I condense the past life I've led into an email? What do I say that doesn't sound like the kind of thing you read in, say, a Poly profile? Do I jump into the nitty, gritty details like fave food, personal hero, the fact I sleep with men, the ten things I'd take to a deserted island?

I would mention that you were gay. I wouldn't mention getting drunk. I'd send a less flamboyant picture, one that won't shock a church-goer (you never know). Try not to sound defensive, hurt, or whatever - there's only one time you can make a good first impression.

Do you want to meet face to face? You might bring up a restaurant you two could have dinner at (maybe including your aunt).

Don't lie, but don't feel that everything needs saying... you'll be surprised the number of wrongs that have been righted by the mere passage of time and silence. Be tactful.

	23-09-2003 18:39									#19
	Support Apolyton, buy Call to Power 2

Better to tell him you are gay right off the bat. At least that way you won't be spared massive unpleasantness down the line. At least he will then know what he's dealing with.

Most of the time these things go pretty well. A friend of mine always knew he was adopted and when his birth mother requested contact with him, to his horror and that of the state authorities, it turned out she lived just down the street from him. So he knocked on her door - they had been seeing each other for years without realising it.

	23-09-2003 20:06									#20
	Browse Apolyton AD-FREE

quote: Originally posted by Oerdin Why not easy him in and not put out to much information at once?

That's what I said.

	23-09-2003 20:25									#21
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations: Deluxe Edition

IMHO, if you think you can handle it, it would be better to see him face to face. E-mails are no match in any way for the info you will gather instantly just looking at him in person. Then you can decide more easily your course.

Just my two eurocents, good luck.