 |
| |
|
|
OzzyKP
|
 |
Rockville, MD
Oct 1999
time: 00:31
|
|
London Times
"Your Bi-Century News Source Since 2000 BC"
.25 Gold
220 AD
==========================
News from Louis & Clark's Expedition
A messenger has returned from the Louis & Clark expedition bringing stories of the fantastic land the intrepid adventurers have uncovered. "The land is beautiful," he said, "amber waves of grain, purple mountain majesty, from sea to shinning sea." The Louis & Clark expedition left Arthurtown during the beginning of the "Dark Times" under Cromwell. Sir Walter Raleigh, then Governor of Arthurtown, sent the expedition to chart the interior of the great continent they inhabited.
The returning messenger brings news that the native people encountered along the journey have been very friendly. The natives have abandoned their pagan ways in great droves, responding well to the missionaries who accompany the expedition. The newly Christianized people swore loyalty to the British crown. Venturing forth into the upper reaches of the Earth, the expedition has discovered a frigid beautiful land they call Alaska.
The paths of both legs of their journey, both during and after the Cromwell years, are charted in the rendering on page A12. The path of Jacques Cartier is included as well.
=====================
Treaty of Budva Signed by Pope
Pope Alexander VI, as supreme vessel of the Lord's word here on Earth, has declared North America divided into two spheres. Serbs in the west and Brits in the east. King William I, says this is a great action taken by the Pope on behalf of Christians everywhere, "Blood will not be spilled over land; Christian unity survives." The actions are a boon to both Serbia and Great Britain, as the rich lands of North America promise to double the territory of both nations. Responding to criticism that his demarcation did not take into consideration the Tartars, Chinese or others, His Excellency said, "Jesus wants it this way. Trust me."
==============
Great Britain Declared
In a recent proclamation, King William has changed the name of the nation to "Great Britain" Times reporters caught up with him on a carriage ride through London, he told us, "England is just one area of the vast nation under our rule. We have Swedes, French, Italians, Spaniards, and now a great deal of colonials. A nation of this great diversity and scope needs a fitting name." So it is, we are now Great Britain, and are all British.
==========================
Details From Failed Cartier Expedition
Scholars have uncovered startling news of the doomed journey by Jacques Cartier. Speaking to Iroquois who have passed down the tale over the last few decades, scholars have pieced together clues from the Arthurian expedition. Set out from Quebec in 575 BC, Cartier explored down the Ericson River before turning northwest. He, and his companions Henry Hudson and George Custer discovered a great bay. The last communication the colonies received was news they had discovered Hudson Bay. After that the traditional account goes silent.
New information has shed light on the events surrounding the last half of the expedition. Cartier turned west and continued to go further into the northern wilderness. Unlike the Louis & Clark expedition, Cartier's men were far less respectful to the natives they encountered along their path. Along the edge of the tundra the explorers stopped in to an Indian village while the men were out hunting. Custer, Hudson, Cartier and their men raped the Indian women, stole provisions and took off into the forest. The Indian men returned, tracked the explorers into a clearing and surrounded them. They closed in and killed every last man. No doubt that was the costliest one-night Stand Custer & his boys ever had, and certainly their Last.
=======================
Tartar Diplomat Sends Complaint
Gubaidiai Yitebailixi, the envoy from the Tartar king has lodged an official complaint with King William over the treatment his people suffered at the hands of British troops in the New World. Yitebailixi said, "They were just peaceful pioneers from Tartarland, they came to the New World seeking a new home. The actions of the British colonial military are unconscionable." When the large bands of Tartar settlers were found in the Michigan territory, Governor Walter Raleigh ordered them removed, by force if necessary. "This land was pledged to us by Pope Alexander VI in the Treaty of Budva. These pagan barbarians had no business on our land." explained Raleigh. A battalion of British longbowmen escorted the Tartar settlers to New York where they boarded a ship and left the continent.
====================
New Fashion Craze in London
First reported in fashion magazine, The Provincial, it appears puffy shirts are in this season. The craze started among nobles on the lower east side, and is now spreading through all corners of society. Even Prince Henry has been seen sporting a white puffy shirt around the palace. They drive Henry's many girlfriends nuts. The shirts aren't cheap though, a genuine Versace puffy shirt made in South Paris will run you around 30 gold. So it looks like peasants will just have to stick with the ever popular dirty rag look.
============
Census Data Is In
The census has been complete and British citizens number 1,640,000. Based on numbers released yesterday it appears this puts Great Britain 5th for population globally. Over 20% of the nation now lives in the colonies. With the founding of Williamville and Toronto the great population shift to America promises only to continue in the decades ahead. Great Britain's GNP is 46 Million with a per capita annual income of 21 gold. This puts the Britain solidly in the third world. King William could not be reached for a comment.
It seems too that the Pope's admonishments against birth control have been successful. The loyal Catholic populace boast the largest families on the planet, averaging 5.6 children per household.
Last edited by OzzyKP on 16-11-2003 at 06:45
|
|
| |
|
|
|
OzzyKP
|
|
Rockville, MD
Oct 1999
time: 00:31
|
|
The British State Department has sent travel advisory for all British citizens living in or visiting the Mideast and Africa warning them of possible conflict and advising they return home for their own safety.
Last edited by OzzyKP on 16-11-2003 at 10:30
|
|
| |
|
|
|
OzzyKP
|
|
Rockville, MD
Oct 1999
time: 00:31
|
|
British citizens live in an age of heroes
Three superstars have captured the imagination of young and old alike. National pride has swelled to an all time high as the populace shares stories of the daring exploits of sea captain Sir Francis Drake, conquistador Herman Cortez, and the less popular diplomat Marco Polo.
A cottage industry has emerged selling trading cards featuring the faces of the great men and women of Britain's past. Joan of Arc, King Arthur, Beowulf, Jacques Cartier, Leif Ericson, and many others join the pantheon of legendary heroes whose faces now adorn cards. Drake and Cortez outstrip the popularity of all right now, the tales of their heroics just continue to grow.
French youngster, Louis Bertrand says Drake is his favorite. "He's just so cool. His fleet is the strongest, fastest, coolest in the world. He beat the Tartars AND the Serbs and now he is the first Brit to sail in the Pacific ocean. He's gonna circumnavigate the world, I just know it."
Spanish bar patron, Fernando Dias has a different take, "Cortez is definitely the man. Check it- he beat down both the Tartars and the savage Cherokee. He totally schooled them, hardly lost a soldier. Cortez is da bomb. Espana represent!"
British citizens certainly have glory on their mind. After sweeping victories in the Tartar-British War and the complete capitulation of the Cherokee nation, the sky is the limit. Once his troops are rested, Cortez plans to march to assist the Serb effort against the Aztecs. Drake, who has passed through the American continent continues on his effort to circumnavigate the earth. Marco Polo, still early in his journey is in Turkey on his way east to China. All are welcomed into the pantheon of great British heroes.
|
|
| |
All times are GMT. The time now is 05:31.
Apolyton Time is 00:31. |
top of page
|
| archivepost |
|
Forum Rules:
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
|
HTML code is ON
vB code is ON
Smilies are ON
[IMG] code is ON
|
|
|
|
|
|
16-11-2003 04:27
Attachment: 
|
