02-10-2003 19:28									#31
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What... MtG is a republican... since when?

	02-10-2003 19:36									#32
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I didn't mean it literally but if I explain it I'll get in trouble for making serious posts in this thread.

	02-10-2003 19:53									#33
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I know... just giving you grief

	02-10-2003 19:53									#34
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Democrats date Republican women. Not much chance of it working out, but it's often easier to marry money than to work for it.

Republicans date Democratic women. They intend to marry Republican women, but want to have a little fun first.

Democrats should keep their bedroom curtains drawn at night, but don't.

Rupublicans keep their bedroom curtains drawn at night, but have no good reason to.

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person, gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and got out twenty dollars. He kept 15 for administrative fees and gave the homeless person five.

	02-10-2003 20:00									#35
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quote: Originally posted by Ming I know... just giving you grief

Clearly you are all nazis but that's not one of the things in this thread.

	02-10-2003 20:03									#36
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quote: Originally posted by Adam Smith A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person, gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and got out twenty dollars. He kept 15 for administrative fees and gave the homeless person five.

But the 1st paragraph should've said:

...came to a homeless person. The Republican kicked the homeless person when asked for money, spit in his face, and told him to get a job.

	02-10-2003 20:14									#37
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"A Republican and a Democrat both saw a man drowning fifty feet out in the ocean. The Republican threw him a ten foot rope, but told him he had to swim the remaining forty feet or else he would have no incentive not to drown himself in the future. The Democrat, on the other hand threw him a rope lasting the full fifty feet, made sure he grabbed on tightly to his end...and then put down his own end and walked off to go do another good deed"

"The difference between a Republican and a Democrat can best be shown by an analogy. Let's say your car had broken down by the side of the road. The Democrat would be the person who pulls over as soon as he sees your problem, apologizes he didn't get there to help you sooner, and immediately starts fiddling around in your engine. After a half hour, he sheepishly admits he has no idea how a car works and has probably messed it up worse, but didn't feel right leaving you there on the roadside. On the other hand, a Republican would know exactly how to fix your car, but wouldn't pull over because he didn't want to be late for the Golf Tournament For Rich White People Wearing Hideous Clothing" - Dave Barry, as best I can remember it

"A libertarian would pull over, be very friendly and helpful, fix the car after two or three minutes, and then hand you a bill for 700$ plus expenses." - Me

	02-10-2003 20:42									#38
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quote: Originally posted by Rufus T. Firefly I think I've offered this opinion before, but that doesn't seem to stop anyone else here : 1) Republicans take money from corporations, then do their evil bidding. Democrats take money from corporations, then do their evil bidding; but, they also take money from labor unions and trial lawyers, then do their evil bidding. In terms of US politics, this makes the Democrats "liberal." 2) Republicans run for election offering a traditional conservative agenda that they promptly ignore once in office (for explanation, see #1). Democrats run for election on a traditional liberal platform that they proptly ignore one in office (for explanation, see #1). 3) Democrat scandals tend to involve the abuse of money, alcohol, drugs, and or sexual partners. Republican scandals tend to involve the abuse of the Constitution of the United States (note that this is not what they do, just what they get caught doing). 4) Democrat politicians of a certain generation tend to be former anti-war types who weaseled out of service in Vietnam. Republican politicians of a certain generation tend to be pro-war types who weaseled out of service in Vietnam. 5) Coke supports the Democrats, Pepsi support the Republicans. That's about it.

I vehemently disagree with number five.

	02-10-2003 20:47									#39
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well, you're wrong.

	02-10-2003 20:52									#40
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quote: Originally posted by Q Cubed well, you're wrong.

If you see the error of your ways, you still have a chance to ask for forgiveness, Q.

	02-10-2003 21:00									#41
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oh, the was just to cushion the blow, you heathen commie pepsi-lover.

	02-10-2003 21:04									#42
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quote: Originally posted by MrFun I vehemently disagree with number five.

Feel free, but it's not an opinion -- it's a fact: The Coca Cola corporation is a major Democratic party donor, while Pepsi Cola is a major Republican party donor. That's the reason why Pepsi was the only American soft drink in the USSR once we signed the trade agreements under Nixon, while Coke was the only American soft drink sold in China a few years later, under trade agreements signed by Carter.

	02-10-2003 21:06									#43
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quote: quote: Democrats want government to be our Mommy Republicans want government to be our Daddy ...and Libertarians want to kill Mommy and Daddy so they can stay up all night and play with matches.

I liked that one.

-Arrian

	02-10-2003 21:06									#44
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well, that, and the chinese knew which one was superior. that's why they held out on that trade deal.

	02-10-2003 21:08									#45
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quote: The Coca Cola corporation is a major Democratic party donor, while Pepsi Cola is a major Republican party donor. That's the reason why Pepsi was the only American soft drink in the USSR once we signed the trade agreements under Nixon, while Coke was the only American soft drink sold in China a few years later, under trade agreements signed by Carter.

Sounds like Coke got the better deal, by a longshot.

-Arrian

	02-10-2003 21:15									#46
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Democrats will argue for hours about which is better for the economy and should therefore be the official soft drink for the Democratic Caucus; Coke or Pepsi.

Republicans will argue for hours about which better for the economy and should therefore be the official soft drink for the Republican Caucus; Coke or Pepsi... Then argue for another hour over whose buying.

---

Democrats are white, urbanite, snobs who pretend to be poor when they are really rich.

Republicans are white, urbanite, snobs who pretend to be rich when they are really poor, but actually hiding all their money in off shore accounts to avoid tax implications and possible litigation.

---

Republicans elect representatives that would make for better halloween masks.

---

Republicans shoot first ask questions later.

Democrats don't shoot and don't ask questions.

---

	03-10-2003 02:12									#47
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quote: Originally posted by Q Cubed oh, the was just to cushion the blow, you heathen commie pepsi-lover.

Me, a commie . . .


what will Apolytoners think of next?

	03-10-2003 02:13									#48
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quote: Originally posted by Rufus T. Firefly Feel free, but it's not an opinion -- it's a fact: The Coca Cola corporation is a major Democratic party donor, while Pepsi Cola is a major Republican party donor. That's the reason why Pepsi was the only American soft drink in the USSR once we signed the trade agreements under Nixon, while Coke was the only American soft drink sold in China a few years later, under trade agreements signed by Carter.

** MrFun is shocked into speechlessness with this life-altering factoid **

	03-10-2003 02:19									#49
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quote: Originally posted by Q Cubed oh, the was just to cushion the blow, you heathen commie pepsi-lover.

I'm offended that you'd associate that pagan devil-worshipping pepsi loving-freak with communism.

	03-10-2003 02:27									#50
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i meant to write commie-nazi, just like the ones that wolf guy fights.

pepsi-lovers == pure unadulterated evil. they're even worse than michael moore is to the conservatives, or ann coulter to the liberals.

	03-10-2003 02:30									#51
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"The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it."
- P.J. O'Rourke

	03-10-2003 02:31									#52
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quote: Originally posted by Q Cubed pepsi-lovers == pure unadulterated evil. they're even worse than michael moore is to the conservatives, or ann coulter to the liberals.

Now THAT is just pure, unadulterated trolling.

	03-10-2003 02:41									#53
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And that makes it good .

	03-10-2003 02:42									#54
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quote: Originally posted by Imran Siddiqui "The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it." - P.J. O'Rourke

	03-10-2003 02:47									#55
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For the upcoming holidays.

Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped believing in Santa Claus...
Democrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing in Santa Claus...

Republican say "Merry Christmas!"
Democrats say "Happy Holidays!"

When not in stores, Republicans use a catalog.
Democrats watch for "incredible tv offers" on late night television.

Democrats do a lot of their shopping at Cost-Co and WalMart.
So do Republicans, but they don't admit it.

Democrats give their children gifts that make a political statement.
Republicans give their children gifts that will keep them out of their hair.

Republican parents have no problem buying their kids toy guns.
Democrats refuse to do so. That is why their kids pretend to shoot each other with dolls.

Democrats favorite Christmas movie is "Miracle on 34th Street."
Republicans favorite Christmas movie is "It's a Wonderful Life."
Right-Wing Republicans favorite Christmas movie is "Diehard".

Republicans wear wide red ties and green sport jackets during the festive season.
Democrats do too, all year round.

Democrats favorite Christmas song is "Deck the Halls".
Young Democrats favorite Christmas song is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer."
Republicans favorite Christmas song is " White Christmas."
Young Republicans favorite Christmas song is "White Christmas."

Cheapskate Republicans buy an artificial Christmas tree.
Tightfisted Democrats buy a real tree, but they wait until the week before Christmas when the lots lower their prices.

Republicans see nothing wrong with letting their children play "Cowboys and Indians."
Democrats don't either, as long as the Indians get to win.

Democratic men like to watch football while their wives, girlfriends or mothers fix holiday meals.
On this, Republicans are in full agreement.

	03-10-2003 02:51									#56
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rah . . .

	03-10-2003 02:56									#57
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Late night checks in............

They're saying Arnold will get 95% of the vote. At least according to his
brother, Jeb Schwarzenegger."
--Craig Kilborn

"The White House released a videotape of President Bush meeting with his
cabinet, and today Iraqi officials say they believe the tape is authentic."
--Jay Leno

"Here's how bad California looks to the rest of the country. People in
Florida are laughing at us."
-- Jay Leno

"President Bush is supporting Arnold. But a lot of Republicans are not
because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rowe says if his father wasn't a
Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with conservatives at all."
--Bill Maher

"President Bush held his first full press conference in over five months
this week. He announced that the war on terrorism is continuing, much, much
more work needs to be done on the economy, and Saddam Hussein has not yet
been captured. And then he said, 'I'm going on vacation for a month.'"
--Jay Leno

	03-10-2003 03:01									#58
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Where is the Letterman quotes... equal time

	03-10-2003 03:04									#59
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They sucked but since you insist.

"President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't
pronounce Schwarzenegger."
-- David Letterman

"The White House says that the vacation in Texas will give President Bush
the chance to unwind. My question is, when does the guy wind?"
--David Letterman

"President Bush is on a 35-day vacation, and before he left he had his
annual physical, and it turns out his cholesterol now is lower than his
approval rating."
--David Letterman

	03-10-2003 03:05									#60
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quote: "President Bush is on a 35-day vacation, and before he left he had his annual physical, and it turns out his cholesterol now is lower than his approval rating."

Thanks .