03-10-2003 03:13									#61
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quote: "President Bush is supporting Arnold. But a lot of Republicans are not because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rowe says if his father wasn't a Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with conservatives at all." --Bill Maher

ouch.

	03-10-2003 03:16									#62
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Democrats = Socialists
Republicans = Capitalists

RAH
(it orginally said Facists but since I'm a republican, I thought I should change it )

	03-10-2003 03:18									#63
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quote: Originally posted by rah "President Bush is supporting Arnold. But a lot of Republicans are not because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rowe says if his father wasn't a Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with conservatives at all." --Bill Maher

	03-10-2003 03:20									#64
	Remove this text

A Republican, a Democrat, and a Libertarian are lunching in a restaurant when a poor man walks in. Unbeknownst to any of them, it is Jesus.

The Republican summons the waiter and asks him to serve the poor man the best food in the house and put it on his tab. The waiter does so.

The Libertarian asks the waiter to please serve the poor man iced tea and put it on his tab. The waiter does so.

The Democrat then asks the waiter to bring the poor man some pecan pie with ice cream and put it on his tab.

When Jesus is finished eating, he goes over to the Republican and says, "I was hungry and you gave me something to eat. Thank you. I see that you are blind." He touches the man's eyes and they are healed.

Jesus then goes over to the Libertarian and says, "I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink. Thank you. I see you have a bad arm." He touches it and it is healed.

Then Jesus walks over to the Democrat. But the Democrat moves far back from Jesus and yells, "Don't touch me! I'm on 100% disability!"

	03-10-2003 03:47									#66
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A Libertarian, a Republican, and a Democrat each went to the library to read up on the philosophies of their respective parties.

Unable to find any books about his party, the Libertarian approaches the librarian and asks, "Do you have any books about Libertarians?" The librarian nods and points the Libertarian to the section titled, "American History."

The Republican, unable to find any books about his party, asks the librarian if there are any books about Republicans. She nods and points him to the section titled, "Economics."

The Democrat, unable to find any books about his party, asks the librarian if there are any books about Democrats. She thinks for a minute, then nods and points him to the section titled, "Fantasy."

	03-10-2003 03:52									#67
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Republicans say you should be free to own guns, but call you a sinner for wanting porn.

Democrats say you should be free to own porn, but call you a nutcase for wanting guns.

Libertarians say you should be free to own guns and porn, and are all nutcases and sinners.

	03-10-2003 18:48									#68
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"It looks like it's going to be Arnold Schwarzenegger or Gray Davis. You got a robot from the future or a robot with no future." —Jay Leno

"I have two questions about Arnold Schwarzenegger. What does he know, and when will he know it?" —Bill Maher

General Wesley Clark participated in the debate with the Democrats. He was the new star. And he had to answer the question 'Why is he suddenly a Democrat?' He said he did not fit in with the Republicans because he is pro-choice, pro-affirmative action, and once when he was young and impressionable, he fought in a war." —Bill Maher

"Wesley Clark is being coached by former President Clinton. I believe this is the first time a general is being advised by a pot-smoking draft dodger." —David Letterman

	03-10-2003 19:13									#69
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criminals
DEMOCRATS...Give them a second chance
REPUBLICANS.Give them the swift sword of death

the poor
DEMOCRATS...Give them some food
REPUBLICANS.Give them the swift sword of death

endangered species
DEMOCRATS...give them protection
REPUBLICANS.Give them the swift sword of death

dictators
DEMOCRATS...give them a way out
REPUBLICANS.Give them the swift sword of death

the uninsured
DEMOCRATS...Give them some health care
REPUBLICANS.Give them the swift sword of death

the cost
DEMOCRATS...$9,000,000,000,000,000,000
REPUBLICANS.$29.95 (cost of one sword)

	03-10-2003 19:47									#70
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Democrats believe government is the solution.
Republicans believe government is the problem.

	03-10-2003 19:49									#71
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democrats are urban idiots.
republicans are suburban idiots.

	03-10-2003 20:19									#72
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quote: Originally posted by Ned Democrats believe government is the solution. Republicans believe government is the problem.

I always knew the republicans were the anarchists in disguise

	03-10-2003 22:09									#73
	Put an end to popups!

quote: Originally posted by OzzyKP A Republican, a Democrat, and a Libertarian are lunching in a restaurant when a poor man walks in. Unbeknownst to any of them, it is Jesus. The Republican summons the waiter and asks him to serve the poor man the best food in the house and put it on his tab. The waiter does so. The Libertarian asks the waiter to please serve the poor man iced tea and put it on his tab. The waiter does so. The Democrat then asks the waiter to bring the poor man some pecan pie with ice cream and put it on his tab. When Jesus is finished eating, he goes over to the Republican and says, "I was hungry and you gave me something to eat. Thank you. I see that you are blind." He touches the man's eyes and they are healed. Jesus then goes over to the Libertarian and says, "I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink. Thank you. I see you have a bad arm." He touches it and it is healed. Then Jesus walks over to the Democrat. But the Democrat moves far back from Jesus and yells, "Don't touch me! I'm on 100% disability!"

Troll jokes are more funny when they poke fun at all the political parties, instead of singling just one of the parties out for ridicule.

	04-10-2003 15:54									#74
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But then they wouldn't be trolls, would they?

	04-10-2003 15:56									#75
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@Azazel's quote.

	04-10-2003 20:35									#76
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quote: Originally posted by FrustratedPoet But then they wouldn't be trolls, would they?

Yes -- you can troll all three political jokes in one shot, I'm sure.

	04-10-2003 21:37									#77
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quote: Originally posted by MrFun Troll jokes are more funny when they poke fun at all the political parties, instead of singling just one of the parties out for ridicule.

I was looking for some, but the only jokes that included all 3 parties had Democrats as the punch line. Not intentional, I was just working with what was available to me via a google search.

That last one I wrote myself and I think it does a good job of poking fun at all 3.

	04-10-2003 22:13									#78
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quote: Originally posted by Giant_Squid "The difference between a Republican and a Democrat can best be shown by an analogy. Let's say your car had broken down by the side of the road. The Democrat would be the person who pulls over as soon as he sees your problem, apologizes he didn't get there to help you sooner, and immediately starts fiddling around in your engine. After a half hour, he sheepishly admits he has no idea how a car works and has probably messed it up worse, but didn't feel right leaving you there on the roadside. On the other hand, a Republican would know exactly how to fix your car, but wouldn't pull over because he didn't want to be late for the Golf Tournament For Rich White People Wearing Hideous Clothing" - Dave Barry, as best I can remember it

The actual quotation:

"The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club."
- Dave Barry

	04-10-2003 22:26									#79
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quote: Originally posted by Arnelos The actual quotation:

It not all that far off from RL.

But rah has the best ones.