08-10-2003 17:56									#1
	Changing a lightbulb Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations: Deluxe Edition

I desperately need the old joke about how many forum members are needed to change a light bulb. You know, the joke where the first posts a message that he's changed a light bulb, and the thread goes on an on and on. Please give me a link to the joke!

	08-10-2003 18:00									#2
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how many cbeast!s are required to change a lightbulb?

	08-10-2003 18:02									#3
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Hmm, never saw that one.

But it's an opportunity to post one of my favorite light bulb changing jokes.


How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is
young, we've got our whole
lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a
stupid burned-out
light
bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring
that's not up to code.

Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!

Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and
he'll do it. By
the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will
be dry.

Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!

Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . .

Labrador: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the
light bulb! Can I? Can
I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me
while he's busy.

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the
carpet in the dark.

Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to
sleep on the couch.

Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got a
hangover.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? LIGHT BULB? That
thing I just ate was a LIGHT
BULB?

	08-10-2003 18:27									#4
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Thanks, rah! That was good too.

I found the one I was looking for:

Tampabay Road Runner User Home Pages

(Isn't Google just marvellous!)

	08-10-2003 18:35									#5
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How Many _____Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

Charismatics - Only one: Hands already in the air.

Catholics - None. They use candles.

Baptists - CHANGE??!!??!!

Pentecostals - Ten. One to change, nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians - None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and off.

Episcopalians - Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.

United Methodists - We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey, you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ.

	08-10-2003 18:38									#6
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Quakers: As many as it takes until the Spirit moves someone to actually change the bulb.

	08-10-2003 19:19									#7
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Programmers: None. It's a hardware problem

	08-10-2003 19:25									#8
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Hardware Vendors: None. It's either your fault or the warranty's expired.

	08-10-2003 20:00									#9
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Men - One. He just holds the lightbulb up to the ceiling and waits for the world to revolve around him

	08-10-2003 20:46									#10
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How many Apolyton Moderators does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ask in the community forum. CASE CLOSED.

	08-10-2003 20:57									#11
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you forgot to lock the thread.

	08-10-2003 21:00									#12
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How many women on PMS does is take to change a lightbulb?

One. One I tell ya! Why? BECUASE THE STUPID MAN IS TOO LAZY TO DO ANYTHING BUT SIT THERE ON THE COUCH WATCHING FOOTBALL DRINKING BEER AND GETTING EVER FATTER BY THE SECOND!!! AND ANOTHER THING I'M NOT FAT, AT LEAST NOT LIKE HIM, YOU TRY HAVING TWO KIDS AND NOT GETTING FAT!!! YOU STUPID, LAZY, WORTHLESS PEICE OFF SHEIT! I HATE YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR!!!.... So, what was the question again?

	08-10-2003 21:20									#13
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Mennonites:

What's a lightbulb?

	08-10-2003 21:22									#14
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Freudian psychlogists:

Two. One to hold the ladder and another to actually change the penis....I mean, lightbulb.

	08-10-2003 21:27									#15
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quote: Originally posted by MikeH How many Apolyton Moderators does it take to change a lightbulb? Ask in the community forum. CASE CLOSED.

There have been a lot of good ones posted. Quite entertaining.

	08-10-2003 21:29									#16
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@Paul Hanson

	08-10-2003 21:30									#17
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q: what's a freudian slip?
a: when you say one thing and you mean your mother, er, another.

	08-10-2003 21:38									#18
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own goal:

How many UC San Diego students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to mix the margaritas and one to call the electrician.

How many UC Santa Cruz students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven: one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.

How many UC Davis students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None: Davis doesn't have electricity.

How many UC San Francisco students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.

How many UC Santa Barbara students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets six credits for it.

How many UC Berkeley students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seventy-six: one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.

How many UC Irvine students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None: Irvine looks better in the dark (ditto Riverside)

How many UCLA students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One: she holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

	08-10-2003 22:33									#19
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Great stuff, everyone! Special mention goes to Rah, and the dog jokes, and Paul Hanson.

	08-10-2003 23:14									#20
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Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Wanna go ride bikes?

	08-10-2003 23:22									#21
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quote: Originally posted by Wilderess Tampabay Road Runner User Home Pages

and 6 to say, "hey if {6,5,4,3,2,1} more person posts, there'll have been 1337 people in this topic, isn't that 1337!!!1!




How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but the lightbulb must want to change.

	08-10-2003 23:45									#22
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How many Maoists does it take to change a lightbulb?
10,000 and 1. One to change the lightbulb and ten thousand to shout
DARKNESS IS SMASHED!

	08-10-2003 23:48									#23
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How many real men does it take to change a light bulb?
Non, real men aren't afraid of the dark.

How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't trouble yourself. I'll just sit here in the dark.

How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to hold the mint julips and one to shout "DADDY!"

How many Goths does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only two. The trick is finding a big enough light bulb.

	08-10-2003 23:57									#24
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quote: How many real men does it take to change a light bulb? Non, real men aren't afraid of the dark.

A: None, let her cook in the dark.

	08-10-2003 23:58									#25
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quote: Originally posted by Japher A: None, let her cook in the dark.

None, real men can make a fire with sticks.

	09-10-2003 00:05									#26
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Q: How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. The market will do it.

	09-10-2003 01:45									#27
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Unlike the others this one is actually based on facts. Any Canadian will get it.

Q. How many Calgarians does it take to change a light bulb.

A. 100. One to change the bulb and 99 to reminisce about the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary.

	09-10-2003 06:16									#28
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How many PC extremists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three -- one to be ready to change it after the other two have reached in an agreement on whether or not to turn the light bulb in the conventional way, or the other way, so they can choose the best way to turn it that will not offend the light bulb.

	09-10-2003 06:20									#29
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Democrats -- Before actually changing the light bulb, they want to propose a new policy to place a better functioning light bulb product than the previous one.

Republicans -- They send out someone to change the light bulb only after increasing military spending, so that they can effectively protect the light bulb changer from any foreign threats.

Libertarians -- You cannot force me to change the light bulb against my will!!

	09-10-2003 15:28									#30
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Patriot : In order to prevent sudden darkness to make easier terrorists attacks, from now on the light bulbs will change the day before they stop working.