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MichaeltheGreat
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Apolyton Grand Executioner
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mooning the house that Ruth built.
Oct 1999
time: 21:32
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quote:
Originally posted by Dom Pedro II
And on the other hand, is it really the best thing to be keeping a pulse for the sake of those who love you? That's what I've been doing for the past four or five years...
I mean, I'm really trying to generate some genuine desire to live, but it's not easy... |
Look at it this way - if you've got nothing tying you down, no particular thing to live for, no particular restraints or obligations that would prevent you from taking your own life, then you're much more free than most to go in any particular direction in your life - and if one doesn't work out, you can do a U-turn and go in any other direction, with far less to lose than most folks.
When the alternative is being wormshit in the ground, or having your ashes fertilize a little bit of soil, you really don't have much to live down to - so you have the freedom to experiment, be creative, have fun, because hey, any result at all is a step up from the alternative.
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Q Cubed
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t3h y3ll0w p3ril
Apr 1999
time: 23:32
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going from my experience, sometimes those who contemplate suicide believe that it's not only in their best interest, but it's in the best interest of everyone else. it's not so much about defeatism, but about disappearing, vanishing, and leaving with at least some sense of honor.
now, whether that honor and noble self-sacrifice is warranted, or actually not twisted, that's a matter to be solved with the person and the issues involved.
when you're stuck in that rather dark corner, anything anybody says about how suicide is heinous? doesn't help. it's easy to say it in an academic situation, grousing about how those that die leave nothing but a mess behind... but that's not how it seems on the other end.
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Q Cubed
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t3h y3ll0w p3ril
Apr 1999
time: 23:32
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now that i'm on the other end.
don't even try it. don't. because if you succeed, well, you're dead. and if you fail, for the first several days afterwards, you're going to feel so ****ing shitty because not only did you fail miserably in one thing which you thought nobody could **** up, but because now you have to deal with the realization that something just might be wrong with you.
if life sucks for you, try and get rid of a sense of self. destroy it, and live only for others. ignore yourself, stop focusing on it, and turn selfless.
what i'm saying might not help at all, actually.
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Sikander
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Boulder, Colorado, United Snakes of America
Jan 2000
time: 22:32
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quote:
Originally posted by Verres
Deciding that life has no actual purpose or meaning, so your duty is simply to make the best of it and enjoy it to whatever extent possible. In my experience (as limited and sheltered as it may be) constantly striving to find a purpose leads to misery, as you realise how insignificant you truly are, that you cannot change the world, and that the only life you have true control over is your own. |
And yet even this tiny amount of control is a vast amount of power. You will change the world by what you do, even if it is only killing yourself. Sprayber has the right of it. What seems tiny to someone who has the entire history of the world in his hands (at least while playing Civ) is in fact huge. I've saved several people's lives, and influenced countless more (hopefully) for the better. I've also made mistakes that were costly to say the least. On the whole I hope my existence here has been a positive for most others who share this place with me, and I tend to think it is. But I'm never going to be someone who is lionized in history as an important person. That's really ok with me, because that sort of fame rarely comes legitimately to people while they are still alive, and I'm not sure I would like it if it did. What matters to me is that I think I've done my best for those who I care about, including myself. That last one is the hardest bit.
Moral duties aside, it is also nice to have a bit of fun as well.
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Kramerman
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UT, Austin - The live music capital of the world
Jun 2002
time: 23:32
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Dom Pedro your story saddens me because it hits very close to home.
I had a very similar sitiuation where i was very vulnerable, and when i was hurt by this girl, it was devestating. suicide definately flashed across the mind. Mind you a lot had happened, it wasnt just the girl and other things, but some major things came to passed that were devestating. luckily nothing so serious came about as in your case, but it was definately the lowest point of my life.
I am fairly successful with a loving family (immediate AND extended too  ) and have had a relatively good life. When i think about this so logically, i cant imagine why i would ever want to suicide. i mean, if i cant go thru life, then how the hell are those starving sharecroppers in africa or slaves from all over and throughout time making it. If they can live what seems a miserable existance, then i should be able to live a seemingly better one, right?
I figure as long as there are people who exist that love me, i will never commit suicide (except with my above exceptions), and even if there wernet, id have to take a long hard look at my life before making such an ultimate decision
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Az
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MACEDONIA - It's the name of the sovereign country to the north of Greece
Apr 2000
time: 07:32
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Anyway, any heartache couldn't be worth a suicide, to me.
Now I was driving to the uni yesterday, as you know Sunday is the beginning of the week here, so many soldiers are returning to their bases from their weekend vacations. As I drive on one of the main roads, I see the girl that I loved badly in highschool ( long story ). The speed of the car dropped, as my head followed her, as I drove past the bus station. She didn't notice me. I was just another car on the main road...My heart ached, very badly so. I went through a wirlwind of emotions, almost burst into tears but then, I took things from the hands of emotions, shaped up, and kept driving to school.
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Ben Kenobi
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McGregornobi!
Oct 2002
time: 21:32
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quote:
I let one person be a reason for me to live, and that is just plain dumb.
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You know who's the stupid person? Your ex. Everybody's looking for devotion, and she's looking for something quicker. What's going to happen when the guys she's chasing find greener pastures elsewhere?
Since we're all sharing here.
I used to be a physics major. Major in physics and Astronomy. Best student in my high school, made it in the best univeristy in the province, at least for sciences. Maybe 10 people in my graduating class of 400 made it out of my hometown for school.
After a year of uni, I met my ex back in my hometown, and we had a wonderful summer together, my first summer back from uni. She was in high school, so there were 2 years difference between us. She was very liberal, and I liked that, since back then I used to lean that way. I'd been very sheltered up until then and she helped me come out of my shell.
I had no problem with going away and coming back after 4 months of school, after the summer, but I knew she would. I tried to make a long-distance relationship work, while wondering whether she would wait. By December she started seeing another guy. All I asked is that she tell me, out of courtesy for my feelings.
Sure enough, she kept it from me for a month, and waited until the day after christmas to tell me. Hearing her talk about this new guy, whom she met in a bar, (she was underage,) who was much older than her, teed me off.
Somehow, I had the control to just say, thanks for telling me now. I knew this would last for a week or so, and then she would be by herself again. I figured I could do without her, since she cared very little for me, but I completely fell apart.
Over the next month, I had to go back to school, I couldn't concentrate on anything. Spent a month holed up in my room, sleeping around 15 hours everyday. It was better to curl up in bed rather than having to face my classes. Couldn't get angry at her, so I pushed everything down.
She called during this month, I took her back, but it made me feel worse. I took two weeks off in February to go back home and to sort things out. When I went back, she said she had always thought of me like her brother, and that she only went out with me because of pity.
After this, I went back down to school to try to rebuild my life. While I was depressed, I had a friend of my take me to his Mennonite church, because he knew I needed help. I left my program, went into the History department, joined the Mennonite church. I went to the doctor, and they offered me anti-depressants, but I told them drugs would not help. I needed time and counselling.
I remember one day that April, arguing back and forth with my ex. I sent her a letter that said either put up or shut up. If you want to be with me, I'm looking for marriage. She said that if this was the case, all she wanted was a restraining order. It had been a long cold winter, but the sun had finally started shining.
Now, what can I say? Dom Pedro, it's never too late to start over. You can start today. Do an inventory of your life and sort out the good from the bad. Tear away as much of the bad as you can, and try to build up the good.
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Heresson
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of frogs
Jun 2000
time: 06:32
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If God exists, suicide is dumb, not becase of itself, but because You spoil your chances to get better, to make Him forgive your sins.
That counts also if God doesn't exist, but to a smaller extent.
Also, it is wrong, because some people may be hurt by your "departure", may blame themselves or someone other whose fault it is according to them - even if it is someone's fault, it's cruel to leave him with this knowledge. Also, I don't envy people who would have to find your decaying and/or crashed body.
If I had a chance of erasing myself from everyone's memory and disappearing, I would probably do it.
But I got to the point that if I can not help myself, and I think I can't, I will help others oneday. So, the meaning of life will be to spare some of my future earnings on children in Africa or something. But I have some doubts also when it comes to that. If we feed children in Africa, they'd reproduce even more...
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Rogan Josh
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I think everyone has probably considered it at some time in their lives.
For some reason, I find standing on the edge of bridges, or railway platforms with an oncoming train etc, awfully tempting. I don't mean in a depressed, life-is-crap, end-it-all kind of way - more a what the hell, lets try it out, what would it be like, sort of way (if that makes any sense). It can be incredibly tempting and I have almost done it more than once.
I did think more seriously about suicide when I discovered that I had MS, and was being pushed around a hospital in a wheel chair. I think the worst thing is that chronic MS doesn't
normally kill you - you just lose function of your limbs slowly.
It is not so much a horrible way to die as a horrible way to live . I thought it might be better to off myself before getting to the stage where I had no choice anymore. I don't like the idea of being a burden.
And then of course there is just general depression, and self doubt. No matter what you acheive there will always be someone who you compare unfavourably too - there will always be times where your career looks like it is going down the pan. Or maybe you are just so weary - so ****ged out - so het up by everything around you, that the only way you can see yourself ever getting a rest is to take a whole bottle of aspirin.
And then there are times when you just think 'what's the point?'. No-one will remember me 100 years from now, even though I have dedicated my life to trying to 'make a difference'. No-one cares - no-one appreciates the sacrifices I have made, so why bother to go on?
So, although I don't condone suicide, I can understand why people do it, and I certainly wouldn't condemn them for it.
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24-11-2003 08:45
Forgetting that in order to get to that stage, you have to at first have been afraid and terrified. 
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