07-01-2004 10:25									#1
	So I met this guy . . . . . . Put an end to popups!

Ok, the past two and a half years, all the guys I met did not work out beyond the first time we met in terms of dating and establishing a relationship. But with some, I became friends with -- good friends that I can rely on, and they can rely on me.


But now tonight, I met this guy with whom I originally contacted through match.com. We kept in contact for a couple of weeks through e-mail, and earlier tonight we finally decided to meet at a cafe at Borders.

His name is Ken and he's 35 years old (I'm 26). He's cute and attractive.
We spent almost three hours talking at the cafe on a variety of subjects -- intelligent conversation is one of things we're both capable of, so we weren't sitting there twiddling our thumbs together.


But when we finally had to leave because the cafe was closing, he asked me THE question already -- and this was our first night. He asked me where I thought we would go from here. When he asked me this, from his body language and his excitement, he was interested in dating together right away.

I told him that I do not know yet where this will go. I said that I needed to see him a few more times before I can decide if we will just be friends, or if we will end up more than that, by dating, and then a serious relationship. He is cute and he's intelligent and he finds me attractive, but I can't believe he had to ask this question already.

It's just plain and simple -- I'm not sure yet. So, in a couple of days (Thursday) we are going to have dinner together at a restaurant. Hopefully he won't get down on his knees and propose to me on this second meeting (date?).


I mean, how soon do you ask someone where this is going? How could I have known for sure after only our first meeting? Give me a little more time, Ken!

But I'm glad that this MIGHT be a guy that could turn out to be more than friendship.

	07-01-2004 10:27									#2
	Support Apolyton

Oh Lord... hopefully you don't turn into another Albert Speer (ie, posting threads on your love life until Kingdom Come)

	07-01-2004 10:30									#3
	Support Apolyton, buy GURPS/ Alpha Centauri

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought the point of match.com was to get people who wanted to date together.

	07-01-2004 10:33									#4
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

Yeah, Lorizael -- which is why I'm going to have dinner with him again. But from his forward question, he seems to be more immediately interested in something more serious with me, than I might be.

And at this point, I don't know yet.

	07-01-2004 10:38									#5
	Suffering from ads?

quote: Originally posted by Imran Siddiqui Oh Lord... hopefully you don't turn into another Albert Speer (ie, posting threads on your love life until Kingdom Come)

If you want, I can see if Ken wants to make a video of all our dates, so you can get recorded, minute by minute accounts.

	07-01-2004 10:39									#6
	Re: So I met this guy . . . . . . Put an end to popups!

quote: Originally posted by MrFun intelligent conversation is one of things we're both capable of, so we weren't sitting there twiddling our thumbs together.

quote: he finds me attractive, but I can't believe he had to ask this question already.

Which of the above statements is more presumptuous?

	07-01-2004 10:42									#7
	Browse Apolyton AD-FREE

Well Ogie, it's take two people to have intelligent conversation.

And body language and facial expressions along with what people say, can express that person's level of interest.

	07-01-2004 10:44									#8
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization III: Complete

Lol...

I meant it was presumptuous of you to say you can hold an intelligent conversation.

I'm guessing Ken can. j/k

	07-01-2004 10:47									#9
	Suffering from ads?

quote: Originally posted by Ogie Oglethorpe Lol... I meant it was presumptuous of you to say you can hold an intelligent conversation. I'm guessing Ken can. j/k

So can we stay on topic?


What were some of your most interesting dating experiences?

	07-01-2004 10:47									#10
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations

I met a girl on match.com called Barbie...

	07-01-2004 10:48									#11
	Increase the size of your Attachments

Did she have a one-inch waist?

	07-01-2004 10:49									#12
	Support Apolyton, buy GURPS/ Alpha Centauri

Did Ken?

	07-01-2004 10:50									#13
	Support Apolyton, buy Alpha Centauri

quote: Originally posted by MrFun If you want, I can see if Ken wants to make a video of all our dates, so you can get recorded, minute by minute accounts.

Blackmail material.... excelllent.

	07-01-2004 10:50									#14
	Browse Apolyton AD-FREE

nope

(x-post)

	07-01-2004 10:50									#15
	Avatar Enlargement: We've got the solution

So, what interesting dating experiences has anyone else had?

	07-01-2004 10:51									#16
	Get a bigger avatar today!

quote: Originally posted by Imran Siddiqui Blackmail material.... excelllent.

	07-01-2004 10:53									#17
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization III: Complete

I don't think is a big deal, something to get worried over. I don't know, my picture about the gay dating scene is that there's sex after 5 minutes, so this strikes me as a strange date .

Anyway, so, he's ready to date you, nothing wrong with that.. maybe he's been looking for longer time and knows what he wants, and found you and noticed that a) you match his physical needs b) you match his 'intellectual' and mental needs .. and *bling* he wants to date you. I think it's nothing to get worried about? I think that's only good....

	07-01-2004 10:57									#18
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

quote: Originally posted by Pekka I don't think is a big deal, something to get worried over. I don't know, my picture about the gay dating scene is that there's sex after 5 minutes, so this strikes me as a strange date . Anyway, so, he's ready to date you, nothing wrong with that.. maybe he's been looking for longer time and knows what he wants, and found you and noticed that a) you match his physical needs b) you match his 'intellectual' and mental needs .. and *bling* he wants to date you. I think it's nothing to get worried about? I think that's only good....

Well, gay guys who have grown out of perpetual adolescence tend to be more serious about relationships.


I'm just hoping that he doesn't put anymore additional pressure on me when we have dinner in a couple of days. I want to enjoy our company, and see where it goes -- and I'm not sure where yet.

	07-01-2004 11:01									#19
	Full PM-box? Change here!

Ken also has passionate interests in spirituality and in-depth human psychology -- and right now, he's in between jobs -- he has two or three degrees, his most recent one being in a computer-technical field. We talked a lot about spirituality and psychology, and we also talked about one of my passionate interests -- politics of remembering the Civil War and Reconstruction and how that affects race relations.

	07-01-2004 11:05									#20
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations: Deluxe Edition

So if I read right you two did meet on a dating service of sorts as well as you have had several conversations before you met and you did spend three hours talking and hitting it off. He may be making the assumption that since you guys did meet on a dating service that you are ready quickly to make some type of commitment or at least that you are looking for something or someone. Usually people don't go to those types of sites or meet from there unless they are looking to get into something, be it dating or long term.

He has obviously made the assumption that you are wanting to do one of the two and making that assumption it would be natural for him to wonder so what's the next step. Besides he may be tired of the dating seen and found someone that he is instantly attracted to, finds you interesting, intelligent and obviously you two had more to talk about then the weather......to him quite possibly you could be a gold mine. Nes pa?

	07-01-2004 11:14									#21
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

Holy ****, he's old! I hope he gets life insurance. Gay people die at 25, IIRC.

	07-01-2004 11:15									#22
	Support Apolyton or Terrorists Win

I'm just reeling at some of the intelligent conversation you're having with yourself in this thread, alone. Well often it's take two, as saids they needed yes

In any case.. g'luck with yer boytoy. Or squeeze. Or special someone. Whatever he's worth!

	07-01-2004 11:36									#23
	Support Apolyton, buy Civilization 2

quote: Originally posted by Tiamat So if I read right you two did meet on a dating service of sorts as well as you have had several conversations before you met and you did spend three hours talking and hitting it off. He may be making the assumption that since you guys did meet on a dating service that you are ready quickly to make some type of commitment or at least that you are looking for something or someone. Usually people don't go to those types of sites or meet from there unless they are looking to get into something, be it dating or long term. He has obviously made the assumption that you are wanting to do one of the two and making that assumption it would be natural for him to wonder so what's the next step. Besides he may be tired of the dating seen and found someone that he is instantly attracted to, finds you interesting, intelligent and obviously you two had more to talk about then the weather......to him quite possibly you could be a gold mine. Nes pa?

I know all that he is ready for something more serious -- but could he reasonably have expected me to answer in the affirmative on our first meeting tonight?

But I am looking forward to our dinner Thursday -- I'll try to open myself up more in talking about what he wants in a serious relationship, and what I'm looking for.

I think I can get over my jitters from his question.

	07-01-2004 11:37									#24
	Support Apolyton, buy Galactic Civilizations

quote: Originally posted by Asher Holy ****, he's old! I hope he gets life insurance. Gay people die at 25, IIRC.

I've been dead for over a year already!?!?

	07-01-2004 11:38									#25
	Put an end to popups!

quote: Originally posted by Zylka In any case.. g'luck with yer boytoy. Or squeeze. Or special someone. Whatever he's worth!

thanks, Zylka

	07-01-2004 11:53									#26
	Support Apolyton or Terrorists Win

quote: hopefully you don't turn into another Albert Speer (ie, posting threads on your love life until Kingdom Come)

it's like I'm a living legend...

	07-01-2004 12:36									#27
	Inflate your Upload Space

**looks at avatar** Nope Albieeeee.........not you yet.

I think he was just a bit over anxious and really liked you and probably was kicking himself in the arse all the way home saying......"why in the hell did I say something so stupid as that? No you couldn't just be happy with the way things were going and now you probably scared him off and he will never want to see you again". For as much as it threw you I would imagine he's going the dumbass hell right now thinking he blew it.

	07-01-2004 14:36									#28
	Lose 30 kilos (of popups)

I don't tend to trust people enough to want to jump into a relationship with them at all quickly. This makes me different from the majority. When I've tried to go quickly I find that I tend to sleep with them almost immediately, but I have never formed a lasting or particularly valuable relationship this way. It goes best for me when we start as friends and fall in love slowly but surely. It sounds like you might be similar to me in this way. If so, don't expect others to always understand or to make much in the way of concessions to your point of view though. Dating is nerve-wracking for almost everyone, and moreso when people try to operate outside of their expectations or zones of comfort. The bottom line is that there is a good chance that this won't work out due to this difference between you. Only you can decide whether or how much you should step outside of your comfort zone in order to meet him (halfway or whereever). He will make a similar decision, and the chips will fall where they fall. Good luck. Whether or not this particular situation works out, I'm sure that you will eventually get the sort of relationship that you need.

	07-01-2004 14:37									#29
	Support Apolyton buy from Amazon

Eat flaming lead fascist double post!

Last edited by Sikander on 07-01-2004 at 15:43

	07-01-2004 14:48									#30
	Support Apolyton, pre-order Civilization IV

quote: so we weren't sitting there twiddling our thumbs together.

Thumb wrestling or do they have helmets?