28-04-2004 19:39									#1
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Apparently this is a real essay on the spotted owl

quote: This is James McCabe's essay on Spotted Owls. He actually submitted this for a grade. Background Information: James McCabe is Travis's roommate from last year. James hasn't been to classes in 6 weeks or so. One night, while intoxicated, James decided to check out his teachers website and see what the class was up to. He learned that an essay on the topic of Spotted Owls was due the following day. In his drunken state James created probably one of the funniest papers I have ever read. The professor to whom the paper was given has since then asked James for permission to post the essay on the course website. The professor is using the essay as an example of what NOT to do

quote: James McCabe jmccabe@vt.edu Assignment # 8: Owl vs. Owl I did not give nor receive any unauthorized help on this assignment, and all work contained herein is, unfortunately, my own: _____________________. Spotted owls are stupid. They can’t live anywhere that isn’t hundreds of years old and untouched by human hands and they breed themselves into extinction by mating with a natural enemy and potential predator, the barred owl. They are simply stupid, and out of all animals, they are quite possibly the ones most deserved of an untimely death. If we as humans want to preserve animals, we need to do so with animals that actually serve some purpose to us. The spotted owl does nothing for our progression as a species. By saving and preserving the spotted owl, we must save and preserve its habit, which keeps us from logging those forests and puts premium timber at a greater risk for fire and other natural disasters. To me that is a waste just to save a species that, if even observed by humans, it is disturbed by their noise and subsequently dies. If an animal is going to be naturally extinct, why should humans step in and try to save that animal? The barred owl is not an exotic, it is domestic to the Pacific Northwest just like the Spotted owl. The only difference being that the barred owl is not so picky about what it eats and the surroundings that it lives in. My point? The barred owl is not a little ***** like the spotted owl, and it can take a few loggers walking around here and there without keeling over and dying. Adaptivity is the key to survival: we as humans must constantly adapt to a changing environment in order to survive. Maladaption, in a human sense, is a sign of mental disorder. Therefore, spotted owls are characteriscally mentally retarded and should be seperated from other owls and properly taunted by their peers. Through all this, one name springs to mind: Darwin. The barred owl is obviously the “fittest” of the two species. So why then are we trying to save an animal that is naturally being killed by a stronger, more adept species? That is like promoting the death of humans to save prehistoric globs of amphibious sludge because in this harsh world those globs just aren’t up to the task. Spotted owls, take note. You serve no purpose, I have a gun, and your feathers make a pretty neat hat.

	28-04-2004 19:41									#2
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Yeah, that is a piss poor paper.

	28-04-2004 19:46									#3
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Why do you say that, GePap?

He states his position and gives reasons for that position.
Additionally, he does it in under 10,000,000 words, unlike Michael.

	28-04-2004 19:51									#4
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Yeah. We should kill everything we want to. 'Cause we can.

	28-04-2004 19:52									#5
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quote: Originally posted by SlowwHand Why do you say that, GePap? He states his position and gives reasons for that position. Additionally, he does it in under 10,000,000 words, unlike Michael.

He gives no supporting evidence for several of his claims, making lots of them BAM's, which is a cardinal sin of essay writing.

It would make a nice opinion piece, but not an academic essay.

	28-04-2004 21:00									#6
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quote: Maladaption, in a human sense, is a sign of mental disorder. Therefore, spotted owls are characteriscally mentally retarded and should be seperated from other owls and properly taunted by their peers.

Lets taunt retards!!!

	28-04-2004 21:04									#7
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Sounds good to me

	28-04-2004 21:11									#8
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I only named it best paper for the humor value, not literary or persuasive.

	28-04-2004 21:12									#9
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quote: Originally posted by GePap He gives no supporting evidence for several of his claims, making lots of them BAM's, which is a cardinal sin of essay writing. It would make a nice opinion piece, but not an academic essay.

He has lots of evidence for his opinions, they're simply not cited (and there's no need to if they are established facts).

	28-04-2004 21:22									#10
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some choice quotes from the paper:

quote: My point? The barred owl is not a little ***** like the spotted owl, and it can take a few loggers walking around here and there without keeling over and dying.

Massive exageration. Fails to show why loggers are different from people, unless he means the species is less likely to adapt to logging, and thus he failt to show why it is necessary to log. He gives no moral valuations for why logging should occur-not even economic ones.

quote: The barred owl is obviously the “fittest” of the two species. So why then are we trying to save an animal that is naturally being killed by a stronger, more adept species?

We do nothing to stop the barn owl from killing the spotted owl, only to minimize our interference with the process.

quote: Spotted owls, take note. You serve no purpose, I have a gun, and your feathers make a pretty neat hat.

Massive BAM about the owls "purpose"

quote: Spotted owls are stupid. They can’t live anywhere that isn’t hundreds of years old and untouched by human hands and they breed themselves into extinction by mating with a natural enemy and potential predator, the barred owl. They are simply stupid, and out of all animals, they are quite possibly the ones most deserved of an untimely death.

The entire intro is one long BAM, has no topic sentence or thesis sentence. The thign that comes closets to this, the last one, is never backed up, since he only compares Spotted wols to barn owls and people. He does not bring up any other creatures.

.

	28-04-2004 21:27									#11
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I would give that high marks.

I would sack a teacher who taught out the qualities it illustrates.

(It is also suspiciously literate so I would need some persuading about its true antecedents).

Last edited by East Street Trader on 28-04-2004 at 21:33

	28-04-2004 21:29									#12
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That's awesome!

	28-04-2004 21:31									#13
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quote: Originally posted by GePap some choice quotes from the paper: quote: My point? The barred owl is not a little ***** like the spotted owl, and it can take a few loggers walking around here and there without keeling over and dying. Massive exageration. Fails to show why loggers are different from people, unless he means the species is less likely to adapt to logging, and thus he failt to show why it is necessary to log. He gives no moral valuations for why logging should occur-not even economic ones. quote: The barred owl is obviously the “fittest” of the two species. So why then are we trying to save an animal that is naturally being killed by a stronger, more adept species? We do nothing to stop the barn owl from killing the spotted owl, only to minimize our interference with the process. quote: Spotted owls, take note. You serve no purpose, I have a gun, and your feathers make a pretty neat hat. Massive BAM about the owls "purpose" quote: Spotted owls are stupid. They can’t live anywhere that isn’t hundreds of years old and untouched by human hands and they breed themselves into extinction by mating with a natural enemy and potential predator, the barred owl. They are simply stupid, and out of all animals, they are quite possibly the ones most deserved of an untimely death. The entire intro is one long BAM, has no topic sentence or thesis sentence. The thign that comes closets to this, the last one, is never backed up, since he only compares Spotted wols to barn owls and people. He does not bring up any other creatures. .

I'm sure you're joking. No one, not even a Brown University humanities prof, could make some of those arguments.

	28-04-2004 21:39									#14
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I was taught to write at the University of Chicago-hardly known as a bastion of fuzzy thinking. That paper is crap. I don;t care if you guys find it funny, or agree with its gross generalizations-anyone who hands in such a paper deserves a failing grade.

	28-04-2004 21:43									#15
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You generalize and take too much for granted.

Nowhere in this thread does it tell the class the for which the paper was written.


What if it's a persuasive speech for Speech class?
Solomwi almost touched on the possibility with "I only named it best paper for the humor value, not literary or persuasive."

A persuasive speech isn't like "Breathe air. It's good for you."

	28-04-2004 21:53									#16
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quote: "I only named it best paper for the humor value, not literary or persuasive."

I doubt Solomwi was the professor, and what you quoted was his opinion of it (hence the title of the thread). I failt to see why a class on rhetorics would be discussin spotted owls.

	28-04-2004 21:54									#17
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it was, at least, funnier than speer's eagle joke.

	28-04-2004 21:54									#18
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Crap paper. I've done better work 10 minutes before class.

	28-04-2004 21:55									#19
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quote: I failt to see why a class on rhetorics would be discussin spotted owls.

So the issue of spotted owls is forbidden from all rhetorics classes?

	28-04-2004 21:58									#20
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No, but using Occam's Razor, this most liekly was NOT.

Even for a rhetoric's class, this is a poor paper.

	28-04-2004 22:00									#21
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No one is disputing it wasn't a poor paper. They are merely saying it may not have been as poor as people may think.

Besides, the Occam's Razor arguement isn't what you said. You said you can't see why a class on rhetorics would be discussing spotted owls AT ALL. Not just based on this paper, but at all.

	28-04-2004 22:02									#22
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occam's razor is a sub-par improvisational group.

	28-04-2004 22:03									#23
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quote: What if it's a persuasive speech for Speech class?

You've never participated in formal debate have you?

	28-04-2004 22:05									#24
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Where did I write formal debate, numbnuts?

	28-04-2004 22:08									#25
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quote: has no topic sentence or thesis sentence

Yes he did:

quote: Spotted owls are stupid.

	28-04-2004 22:08									#26
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quote: Originally posted by Imran Siddiqui Besides, the Occam's Razor arguement isn't what you said. You said you can't see why a class on rhetorics would be discussing spotted owls quote: AT ALL . Not just based on this paper, but at all.

If I saw someone post a paper on fluid dynamics, it could very well come from a creative writing class, NO?

Yes, IN THEORY it could be. Not by far even a reasonable assumption to make though.

IN making an unreasonable assumption, it is for you to come up with evidence.

	28-04-2004 22:08									#27
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I dispute it is poor.

It is not.

He speaks with feeling in a distinctive voice on a subject about which it would be woefully easy to be dull.

Did you read it to the end with interest? You did.

Do you finish up knowing exactly what this guy thinks? You do.

That is english of a very high standard.

He even gives the impression here and there of drawing upon some personal experience.

If you had the luck, as a teacher, to have something handed in as lively as this once a month you would feel privileged. And you would know that you have every chance in the world to stimulate the mind which produced it.

I must tell you that none of the schoolchildren of Apolyton have ever posted here anything half as good.

	28-04-2004 22:09									#28
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If the facts he puts forward are indeed true, this paper is not all that bad. Give him a penalty for not citing them. I think he could squeeze a D and avoid failure.

	28-04-2004 22:09									#29
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quote: Originally posted by Japher Yes he did:

Re-read my statement on that issue.

	28-04-2004 22:12									#30
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quote: Originally posted by East Street Trader I dispute it is poor. It is not. He speaks with feeling in a distinctive voice on a subject about which it would be woefully easy to be dull. Did you read it to the end with interest? You did. Do you finish up knowing exactly what this guy thinks? You do. That is english of a very high standard. He even gives the impression here and there of drawing upon some personal experience. If you had the luck, as a teacher, to have something handed in as lively as this once a month you would feel privileged. And you would know that you have every chance in the world to stimulate the mind which produced it. I must tell you that none of the schoolchildren of Apolyton have ever posted here anything half as good.

Bull. Papers don't get graded on entertainment value. Any teacher that would grade this paper highly simply for its tone and wit, instead of basing it on what the aim of a paper is, is a poor teacher. He wants to be funny? Write it to the college paper as a comedy piece.