20-05-2004 13:44									#1
	Emerald Cove Issues Inflate your Upload Space

Throughout the island people have been rallying for better rights for women.

Even the men are there to help these gals get there way - or could that be his

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	20-05-2004 13:50									#2
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Life lessons can be learnt the hard way

or accepted as is....

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	20-05-2004 13:57									#3
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Low level youth crime is a good thing...

and something our people are quite proud of

yet being a party island - a holiday island for so many nations is leaving some negative influences on some sectors of our youth

these lads have just completed there 1st year University Exams, and feel that they really do portray the island motto of

Party Party Party

Yet many parents have been quite disturbed by this growing trend for the youth to let it all hang out

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	20-05-2004 14:05									#4
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One of the ways we have kept control of crime is through our effective Justice System

To say that I am proud of the various members of the Justice System is an understatement

So it is with great pleasure that I have bestowed Police Officer Lucy McDonough with the Kings award for Creative Parking

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	20-05-2004 14:23									#5
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training has been very thorough for our pups

no matter the temptation - these dogs know that cat has loonnng claws

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	20-05-2004 14:31									#6
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Popular Childrens Television program announces thanks giving special...

Children throughout the island were so excited to be able to sit through a great afternoons entertainment with these much loved characters

on a side note, concern is starting to be raised for the lose of one of the original characters, we hope to be able to bring you further information as this situation develops

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	20-05-2004 15:01									#7
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A major policy here on Emerald Cove is that, apart from emergency services, cars are not welcome inside our city centres.

So it is with saddness that we anounce the death of Theodore Threadbare, cart horse of the Blueberry Wild flower chain

Theodore will be buried with full honours in the coming days.

Emergency services were quickly on the scene, unfortunatley they were unable to save Theodore.

Both occupants of the automobile also died.

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	20-05-2004 16:49									#8
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Golf

Gentlemen Only - Ladies Forbidden

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	20-05-2004 17:43									#9
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quote: Originally posted by Paddy the Scot training has been very thorough for our pups

Oh yeah, I love that photo

	25-05-2004 23:32									#10
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The Issue
Recently, medical insurance premiums across the nation have been skyrocketing following several highly-publicised medical-malpractice lawsuits, making it even costlier than ever to get treatment. Doctors are asking the government to step in.

"The problem is capitalism," insists Johan King, while trying to burn a rock with a lighter. "The doctors are only trying to help their patients, and those class traitors at the insurance industry are only trying to make a profit out of people's misery on those rare occasions when things go wrong. I say we outlaw the insurance industry and then the good doctors will be safe while the bad ones go out of business. Everyone wins! Apart from the insurance people, I guess."

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	25-05-2004 23:34									#11
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The Issue
Scientists have announced they are close to a breakthrough in their quest to revive the feather-bellied rock wallaby, a species related to Emerald Cove's national animal that has been extinct for more than a century.

"Now, come on," says Freddy Fellow, well-known philosopher. "You don't need to be religious to be unnerved by the top of this particular slippery slope. Today it's rock wallabys, tomorrow it's dinosaurs, and we all know how that turns out. This research shouldn't be banned, but there must be strict government controls over its use."

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	25-05-2004 23:35									#12
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The Issue
A group of Greenpeace protesters have called for an end to a government proposal to begin damming rivers in Emerald Cove to increase water supplies and generate power.

"Think before you open your mouth," says engineer Lars Shiomi. "While Emerald Cove may have to pay the price in animal diversity, as well as adverse effects on the environment, do we really want fossil-fuel based plants polluting Emerald Cove? If you use your common sense, I think you'll find that damming some rivers would be a good idea. Plus, think of how much the economy would benefit from all the jobs these projects would create."

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	25-05-2004 23:36									#13
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The Issue
Many people are starting to think that it's time to put term limits on elected officials, given the average age of 70 years old and 40 years of service in the nation's Parliament.

"It's time to get these lifetime politicians off the government payroll!" says term-limits advocate Chastity Li "Let them get real jobs like the rest of us once they leave office. Besides, if they are currently a Senator, they can always run for another office like Governor. This gives people the right to elect whomever they want to run for office, just not the same office forever. It'll keep things from going completely stale!"

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	25-05-2004 23:37									#14
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The Issue
After a recent spate of high-profile lawsuits against corporations concerning the safety of their products, corporations have appealed to the government to change the laws of compensation.

"I'm almost inclined to agree," muses Jazz Broadside, a nearby firefighter. "People really should know better than to dry their cats in the microwave oven. But it's also that microwave oven that should not start a fire if one leaves it running overnight. Let's just put higher national safety standards in place that all products must be certified to meet. The extra expense shouldn't worry people if it's the difference between life and death after all."

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	26-05-2004 00:21									#15
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Should I be alarmed that my goverment has adopted the same positions as Paddy's?

	26-05-2004 00:26									#16
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quote: Originally posted by joncha Should I be alarmed that my goverment has adopted the same positions as Paddy's?

Please do not feel alarmed

My people are honoured that this situation has occured

It is a little known fact, but this Kingdom came into existance from following the link in your signature - so my people say thank you kind Sir

	26-05-2004 00:44									#17
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In that case, the People of Jonchastan salute the wise monarch of Emerald Cove, and hope that our shared values will bring our nations closer together.

	26-05-2004 10:22									#18
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The Issue
A survey citing a tremendous increase in unsolicited emails has added fire to the subject of what many view as a scourge of the Internet.

"Both sides are wrong," grumbles government paper-pusher Gregory Steele. "Spam is definitely a problem, yet so is the restriction on freedoms which some draconian anti-spam codes would impose. I propose a ban on overtly fraudulent spam, and a tax on more legitimate businesses that rely on spam as an advertising method, and a strict legal definition of spam that would ensure no innocent person was prosecuted or taxed."

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	26-05-2004 10:25									#19
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when can I sleep

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	30-05-2004 12:10									#20
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The Issue
In response to rising rates of depression related suicides, mental health groups have called for government funding to help support treatment programs, citing various surveys that indicate psychological disorders are often an overlooked problem.

"Although it is often dismissed as an irrelevant complaint, depression is a real disease, it isn't just 'all in your head'" says May Hendrikson, depression sufferer. "Depression has significant effects on groups and individuals, especially amongst teenagers. Every day, more and more people commit suicide because of this disease, but this could all be stopped if this country had a decent level of funding for support and public awareness programs."

	30-05-2004 12:11									#21
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The Issue
The international community has appealed to Emerald Cove to increase humanitarian aid to the world's poorer nations.

"We must increase foreign aid," says beaded local peace activist Abraham Winters. "Compared to some of these nations, Emerald Cove is swimming in rocks. Let's face it, not every nation in the world is lucky enough to have a government like ours. Let's show some compassion to our less economically gifted neighbors."

	30-05-2004 12:12									#22
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The Issue
After a recent national survey revealed that almost three-quarters of the population only know the primary language of Emerald Cove, there have been rising calls for the government to take action.

"Fluency in foreign languages is imperative to education," says Professor Jean-Paul Dodinas of Emerald Cove University. "Learning a new tongue not only gives a child a practical, marketable skill, but also encourages compassion and understanding of foreign cultures. With so many nations in the world, I do insist that we increase government funding in these areas and make it a compulsory part of the curriculum. As we say in Ancient Maxtopian: Froggug sederty bungo-bungo!"

	30-05-2004 12:13									#23
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The Issue
The latest "Harry Potter" book to hit schools across Emerald Cove has stirred up the greatest controversy yet.

Teachers union President Aaron Hanover says, "Come on, the book is fantasy! And it's a damn good read. I'd like the government to issue a statement of support for our teachers and librarians, so kids can enjoy good books without interference from religious wackos, like Christians."

	30-05-2004 12:14									#24
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The Issue
After a policeman was forced to apprehend a criminal with nothing more than his groceries, there has been an outcry for better equipment.

"It's outrageous," says Chief Constable Jennifer O'Bannon. "This horrible situation could have been sorted out a lot faster if we had had the right equipment! Even the poorest criminals can buy better arms than us! We need more funds - if we have to take a bit of cash off the education and healthcare budgets to pay for it all then so be it!"

	14-06-2004 15:41									#25
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The Issue
A number of well-dressed gentlemen wearing a varied assortment of swords is insisting that they be allowed to settle their private disputes on the field of honourable battle.

"We must be permitted our inherent right to defend our honour through feats of arms!" exclaims Steffan Broadside, a bewigged aristocrat sporting a particularly flamboyant swept-hilt rapier. "The right to duel is one found throughout history for the honourable settling of disputes and I must insist that my right to fight be recognised! The world would be so much better - and cheaper too - if conflicts of interest were sorted through trial by combat instead of trial by jury."

	14-06-2004 15:42									#26
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The Issue
A tabloid magazine, The National Incriminator, has revealed the sordid details of an affair between one of your top advisors, Robert Lotsalovin, and his secretary.

"Whoa, whoa, hey, now..." argues Senator Buy Mistletoe. "What happened to Mr. Lotsalovin is no different than affairs that happen all over Emerald Cove every day! Before you know it, they'll be after YOUR sexual history! I think what we need to do is take the public attention off of it somehow, perhaps by... oh, I don't know... giving them a tax cut! That'll divert their attention from this momentary distraction just long enough for Mr. Lotsalovin's divorce process to end!"

	14-06-2004 15:44									#27
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The Issue
The CEO of Emerald Cove software, hardware, and electronic headwear giant Microcosm, Inc. has been brought before the Supreme Court for violation of antitrust laws.

"These allegations are absolutely ludicrous!" shouts Microcosm CEO Randy Fellow from out the window of his 90-foot stretch limo. "Just because rival companies are incapable of producing products as brilliant as mine is no reason to punish ME! I say it's high time we abolish these idiotic antitrust laws and give big business the freedom to serve the public better. After all, I'm in this business for the people!"

	14-06-2004 15:46									#28
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The Issue
A surprise raid conducted on ISPs over the last week in Emerald Cove shows that more than 30% of all Internet data transfer in Emerald Cove at one time or another is used by illegal file-shares to illegally distribute files, most notably songs.

"Yo, dude, like, don't be hatin' man," says teenager May Hanover. "We're like, going to change the whole structure of our society. Everything should be like, publicly available to, like, everybody, dude. Copyrights are so, like, uncool man and we need to get rid of them. That'd be totally radical, and cool as well."

	14-06-2004 15:48									#29
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The Issue
A peculiar confederacy of small-government advocates, regular attendees at Emerald Cove's annual Medieval Faire, and the super rich have demanded that the government grant estates and confer titles of nobility upon certain influential persons.

"I think both of the other parties are taking this issue to the extreme," argues a learned elderly gentleman resting on a park bench. "All that's being advocated is giving those who have contributed to their nation a ceremonial title and a bit of land. Besides," he adds, "the government can tax their estate."

	17-07-2004 14:07									#30
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The Issue
The recent popularity of a science-fiction TV show has prompted calls for Emerald Cove to develop its own space program.

"The project certainly is feasible, but very expensive," says Emerald Cove Space Agency Head Roxanne Love. "We could make it less of a burden on the taxpayers if we sought funding from private industry -- advertisements on the side of our rockets, selling contracts to the Arms Manufacturing industry, that kind of thing."