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Ogie Oglethorpe
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Marietta, GA
Dec 1999
time: 05:23
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quote:
Breaking News: Incriminating Dan Rather Documents Unearthed
We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” aren’t under the delusion that our humble “weblog” is home to all kinds of “breaking news.” Usually, by the time we have covered a story, it’s older than Cher. In fact, just last week we discussed William the Conqueror’s stunning victory in the Battle of Hastings.
We would like to think that “breaking news” is a sordid branch of journalism: Watching a couple of rival networks hasten to beat one another to the story is surely a lowly endeavor. We think it rather beneath us.
On an entirely unrelated note, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quartelry,” have just received an exclusive scoop that will make all the other media outlets green with envy.
A source whom we would not like to identify has faxed some documents to the offices of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly.” These documents pertain to the journalistic integrity of CBS’ much maligned news anchor, Dan Rather.
Our source—let’s just call them “ABC”—has selflessly sent us copies of extremely incriminating documents that were produced in 1982. We aren’t entirely sure why “ABC” would send these memos to us, but we can’t figure how they would gain from their media exposure. At least that’s what Joe Lockhart told us.
Anyway, the memos in question were penned by a former executive at CBS News named Rufus Leaking. Mr. Leaking wrote the memos in question to Joe King, who was then the CEO of CBS. The letters detail the disgraceful gullibility and low-quality muckraking of Mr. Rather.
The crack young staff may or may not have employed a dutiful team of experts to ensure the authenticity of the documents in question. This team of experts may or may not have poured over the memos, and may or may not have concluded that they are perfectly authentic. There’s nary an anachronism or peculiarity to be found.
So, dear reader, enough with the preamble. We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” are happy as knickers to present:
An Official “Hatemonger’s Quarterly” Exclusive: Mr. Rufus Leaking’s 1982 Letter to CBS CEO Joe King Regarding the Journalistic Integrity of Dan Rather:
February 30, 1982
From: Rufus Leaking, Senior Vice President of Junior Vice Presidents
To: Joe King, CEO of CBS
Re: Dan “CYA” Rather
Dear Joe,
My wife and I had a wonderful time with you last night at the Cheesecake Factory. I am so glad that it has been in business for so long. My wife and I tend to go there before every Charlotte Hornets game.
But I digress. I am writing this memo to discuss the appalling gullibility of our anchorman, Dan Rather. By making the charges that you will read below, I am in no way attempting to give firepower to our rival networks, which could run with the story of our anchorman’s blatant incompetence. If that were to happen, I would be as upset as Ben Affleck when he broke up with J-Lo.
Dan Rather is a blithering idiot. The difference between him and a bucket of garbage is the bucket. He’s dumber than a coffee Coolatta from Dunkin’ Doughnuts.
In addition, Dan is miserably biased. Why, just last week, he totally tilted that story about the War in Kossovo. It was a disgrace.
If I were the average television viewer—which I am not—I would never tune in to Dan Rather’s newscasts. Rather, I would watch the wonderful coverage of ABC. That network is the greatest. Man, I love Monday Night Football.
Sincerely,
Rufus Leaking
Well, dear reader, there you have it: Breaking news from the crack young staff. Clearly, this story is going to serve as a stepping-stone to fame and fortune. Why, just a few minutes ago, ABC and NBC offered to interview one of our correspondents for their prime-time shows!
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FredKarno
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They are locked in a dance with each other. Both know this, and combine/reject each other according to each of their wishes.
View them as evil power-mongers, and don't beleive anything they say. This is just the start.
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FredKarno
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here in 'cool britannia', our great leader has just announced his future intentions. No words in the media of possible lies.
Astounding, incredible! The media goes along with this, as if father christmas exists.
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FredKarno
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....and newspapers are nothing. Of course, socialists deny this. Another start! Socialists are the prime power mongers. Destroy socialist 'thought', and we get some progress. Difficult it is, like a cancer everywhere.
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FredKarno
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Not as far as know. What is Yoda? Summat like some form of mysticism? Don't think so, though I am a complete nothing, and pissed up too, which may answer your question.
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Drachasor
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quote:
Originally posted by DinoDoc
Personal opinion but perhaps you can explain to me what exactly that has to do with the serious breaches of journalistic integrity going on at CBS News being a non-issue unworthy of discussion? |
That's "breach", singular, and while it is a concern for CBS, overall this is a minor issue, however CBS better find out what caused the breach or they might get a major issue on their hands.
Why is it minor? Because the issue it was about is very minor (not the breach is probably more important than the issue). What happened 30 years ago is not a big issue in this election, nor should it be. If it makes you feel any better though, the overall story regarding Bush was probably true, even if the documents weren't. If anything, that makes the breach a bit less of an issue.
So you have something that is a bit less than a minor issue...and what page of discussion are we on about it?
Why don't we talk about real issues like Iraq, the economy, jobs, terrorrism, the debt, health care, or any of the dozen others? This isn't worth the time that has been devoted to it.
-Drachasor
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27-09-2004 11:32
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