04-02-2005 01:24									#61
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quote: and it would be kind of a bastard move to expect them to come when they can't afford it (like Ben's case).

Japher, they would pay for me, just like your folks would for you.

The situations are nearly identical.

	04-02-2005 01:25									#62
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If they offer the take the money.

If they want you to be Hawaii and are going to pay for it then by all means.

	04-02-2005 01:26									#63
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I disagree with DanS and Japher. This is like the parable of the workers in the Vineyard.

Are you jealous because I am generous?

Why should the sister complain about how much her other sister is given, when neither is paying for the trip?

	04-02-2005 01:29									#64
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The proverb you quoted applies to the parents more than their daughter.

	04-02-2005 01:30									#65
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quote: If they want you to be Hawaii and are going to pay for it then by all means.

I've always been uneasy around wealth Japher. I'd be much happier in paying for the trip myself, than I would be accepting their generosity to go with them to Hawaii.

They haven't asked me outright, though my mom has let me know that this is what they are planning. I don't know what I will say when they formally invite me to go, I don't want to insult them, or make them feel bad for asking me.

	04-02-2005 01:31									#66
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quote: The proverb you quoted applies to the parents, not their daughter.

It applies to both Japher's family and my own.

	04-02-2005 01:34									#67
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quote: Originally posted by DanS The proverb you quoted applies to the parents more than their daughter.

The point of the parable is that the workers shouldn't have complained to the vineyard owner since they were already being treated more than fairly.

Not that the owner should have exercised more discretion...

	04-02-2005 01:34									#68
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My sister's behavior is one thing, but my parents actions were the cause. Are you ging to blame the reaction?

I see the reaction as a matter of character, something which her nature as well as the years of pampering has created. It's like my parents raised a pitbull for fighting and then expect it to play well with children. They should of seen this coming and done everything the could to have prevented it.

	04-02-2005 01:35									#69
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Your sister is an adult. She's responsible for what she does. She's at fault here.

Your parents obviously should have seen this coming, but they have done nothing to deserve having their generosity thrown back in their faces.

	04-02-2005 01:40									#70
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My parents are also adults, and should excpet the fact that they raised to prudes and if they want to have a pleasant vacation with them they better start acting a lot more fair.

The more I think of it the more I am glad I am not going. Trying to keep the two of them happy while they are in the same room is going to be like juggling hand grenades

	04-02-2005 01:48									#71
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quote: Maybe not out of line but a lot selfish. When i went to hawaii my trip was paid for by my work. I was down there to work. I could have afforded to send two people from tx to there but since i have 1 husband and 3 kids i only sent for 1 and the husband won out.

I agree that it is slightly selfish, but I don't think the luxury of the first class seat was what she was fighting for, but rather equal treatment.

Anyway, in your situation, you fall back on the pecking order of oldest to youngest. You send the oldest child.

However, you better be sure to say to your other kids that in the future, if the opportunity presents itself, they will get chosen rather than the oldest.

It's all way too organized a way of going about things, but it saves a lot of heartache in the long-run. People are funny. You can treat them poorly and they might remain happy, so long as you treat everybody equally poorly. On the flipside, you might shower them with gifts (as in Japher's case) and they might become unhappy because you treat everybody unequally well.

As adults, this extends to your siblings as well. If you want to be able to play power family politics, then you've got to treat every sibling family equally well. This is tough to do, as naturally you prefer some families to others, but it's very preferable to the alternatives.

	04-02-2005 02:20									#72
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I think Japher stated in this thread earlier, that the sister in question does have the most ppl in her family. Rather then exclude any one of that family and the lack of seats in first class im sure the parents didnt want to split of the families if its a matter of two seats then by all means put the sisters in the first class and the children and husbands in coach

	04-02-2005 02:22									#73
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Complaining about this is so far away from my idea of normal that I'm really having trouble envisioning it.

	04-02-2005 02:22									#74
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Not a bad solution.

	04-02-2005 02:23									#75
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quote: Complaining about this is so far away from my idea of normal that I'm really having trouble envisioning it.

How many siblings do you have?

	04-02-2005 02:25									#76
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My brother-in-law mentioned that if he would rather not fly first class with the two kids, as they would most likely bother the rest of the first class passengers... So, that solution of MrsTubers ain't a bad one

	04-02-2005 02:28									#77
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My lil sister is going to get all of first class mad here because she'll be bring along an infant... Which reminds me, she is giving birth today, probably at this minute. She went in last night, and they were going to induce today.

	04-02-2005 02:28									#78
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quote: put the sisters in the first class and the children and husbands in coach

That's a brilliant solution.

	04-02-2005 02:29									#79
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quote: Originally posted by KrazyHorse Complaining about this is so far away from my idea of normal that I'm really having trouble envisioning it.

As a parent of 3 children 14, 10 and 8 with the girl being in the middle and having A step daughter with scott these guys are always yelling about how one is treated better then the other when in actuality being ignored as a child my self i would never treat one etter then the other. Their needs all differ and since im only one person I need to balance time and gifts given to one or the other.

	04-02-2005 02:30									#80
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I'm from a family of three kids

I'm also 25, not 12.

	04-02-2005 02:31									#81
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quote: Originally posted by DanS How many siblings do you have?

2

	04-02-2005 02:31									#82
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I hate to say this but looks like them men are the rational ones here Oh god what Have i said

	04-02-2005 02:32									#83
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quote: Their needs all differ and since im only one person I need to balance time and gifts given to one or the other.

That's why they shouldn't be complaining about your generosity.

The problem is that they don't undestand WHY her needs differ.

It would be very valuable to both your boys to try to show them this.

	04-02-2005 02:50									#84
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quote: Originally posted by Ben Kenobi That's why they shouldn't be complaining about your generosity. The problem is that they don't undestand WHY her needs differ. It would be very valuable to both your boys to try to show them this.

I have been trying to do just that. Im having a harder time with the younger one since if he doesnt get something, well then I love the other more then him. As he states it. The 14 yo is about self absorbed in his own world and wanting mom to get out of his biz. dunno when does one ge to out smart them.

	04-02-2005 02:54									#85
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Well, I never had a sister, so I guess I'm still somewhat ignorant of why it costs more to keep girls. That's just what my mom and grandmother drilled into me.

And something I'm going to learn more about when I get married.

	04-02-2005 02:55									#86
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Bullshit.

Girls just want more ****.

	04-02-2005 02:57									#87
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quote: Originally posted by Japher My lil sister is going to get all of first class mad here because she'll be bring along an infant... Which reminds me, she is giving birth today, probably at this minute. She went in last night, and they were going to induce today.

Congrats on the new addition to the family may h/she be a healthy one. Thats even better the men can sit back in not so much comfort and let the women deal with the new baby.

	04-02-2005 02:58									#88
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The daughter/father bond thingy owes itself well to spoilage... where as the son/father thing is more about football and beer... the son/mother bond can owe itself well to spoilage, but in my family it has always been my father who spoils and my mother who cures.

	04-02-2005 02:59									#89
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It'll be a her, they are naming it Brynlee... strange name.

	04-02-2005 03:05									#90
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I have a question in the same region of this if japher doesnt mind me borrwing his thread for a bit