07-02-2005 00:58									#1
	The Findings of an Expecting Father Support Apolyton, pre-order Civilization IV

1. Babies R' Us:

I love Toy's R Us, they have video games, bikes, toys that you can play with, stuffed animals and you can even take the toys out of the boxes and start playing with them and then run away when some clerk comes to ruin the fun... If Toy's R Us is heaven Babies R' Us is hell! I swear, merge the normal Ikea experience with the experience of being on a plane from LA to London and sitting next to the fat foreign couple with the screaming kid, and you have Babies R Us.

In this store you have three types of people.

The first is the obese pregnant lady who looks due to drop a baby out from between her legs any second. They can't walk faster than a drunk midget and they run out of breath so fast that they have to stop every three steps. Not that I am blaming them or anything, but the morons who designed the store made the isles so narrow that you can't go around, and imagine the confussion when two of these heifers find themselves going down the same isle in opposite directions!:eeek:

The second type of person is those who just had a kid. Now I'm not going to complain about the little snots, but the parents need a good smack in the head. They spend more time ogling at their kid then they do shopping, moving, getting the hell out of the way, or paying for the small fortunes worth of CRAP that some how found it's way into their carts! I wonder how they got to the store in the first place, since they can't keep their eyes off their little "mistake" I'm sure they are unable to drive... perhaps that is the reason for the SUVs?

The third type of ppl are ppl like me. Registering for boogie suckers, rectal thermometers, and something called a "splat mat"?! We stand in awe when we learn that not only does your kid need about a billion dollars in accesseries, but another king's ransom is going to be spent on cribs and changing tables that are going to be used for like 2 years then find a nice comfortable stop in the attic or basement to eventually die of dry rot.

Then, once we realize that we aren't getting any younger and that growing old just means spending more money we take a look around, and see our next 2 years in front of our eyes. The pity we toss at the bursting mom and the misplaced annoyance we impart on the starry-eyed parents should best be placed on ourselves...

After 2 hours of this, growing tired, but realizing that your pregnant wife isn't tired in the least (even though she sleeps 25 hours a day and can't be "bothered" to walk to the store) we finally got to leave. As we do so they take your scanner and give you a list that tells you how much money you're going to extort from your friends and family, and add with a sardistic smile, "If you want to make any changes to your list you may do so online!"

Son of a Beitch! You mean I could of done all of this while sitting on arse, drinking a beer and not having to realize how screwed I am?!

	07-02-2005 01:12									#2
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2. Baby Names:

I got a couple of books on baby names. I really hate that they call these books "Baby Names", it doesn't really make sense. It's not like they're going to change their name when they grow up... They should just call them name books.

I discovered that there are two types of ppl who write this type of rubish. They are either some sort of linguist who is more impressed with the fact they can track down the orgin of the name or they are people who are so damn opinionated that they hate every name but their own.

I got this one called "Baby Names Now" and it is written by that second type of author. The name we picked for a boy is probably going to be Jayce, which they say "Cute, but it's probably worth the effort to look for something with a bit more spine"... where do they get off? They insult a lot of names calling them "feminine", "outdated", "grandma-ish", "do so if you want your kid to be picked on", etc... Alright Pamela!

Needless to say I am getting a kick from reading this book, and if they bad mouthed my name I'd have to punch them in the face.

Oh, Sophie is safe

	07-02-2005 01:16									#3
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drunk midget.

	07-02-2005 01:18									#4
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name the kid: seven.

	07-02-2005 01:29									#5
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if it's a boy, name him huomobs
if it's a girl, name her alerea

	07-02-2005 01:33									#6
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just name the boy James after me. When they ask who they named him after, just say: after some weirdo in an internet forum.

	07-02-2005 01:35									#7
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Name him Lenin.

	07-02-2005 01:57									#8
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My middle name is James

Lenin? No. Teh Reagan!

Teh? l337?

	07-02-2005 02:10									#9
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quote: Originally posted by Japher 2. Baby Names: I discovered that there are two types of ppl who write this type of rubish. They are either some sort of linguist who is more impressed with the fact they can track down the orgin of the name or they are people who are so damn opinionated that they hate every name but their own.

I really hate these people.

On a second though, Javier is a nice name

	07-02-2005 02:14									#10
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middle and first names: Dirk Diggler

	07-02-2005 02:24									#11
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Sophie is a wonderful, ageless name.

Oh, Japher? You want to have some fun? Go get your wife a copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting.

You can thank me later. No, really, you can.

	07-02-2005 02:25									#12
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She has 2 copies of it. We bought one, and someone sent us one... I read through some of it, threw it done in horror, and haven't had a good nights sleep since.

	07-02-2005 02:31									#14
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Jayce? Please tell me that isn't so, Japher. That is a seriously lame name which not only sounds gay but is also absurdly faddish. I mean right now it is all the rage among the lobotomized and pregnant to use names starting in "j" and where all the vowels have been replaced by "Y"s. My name starts with J so I don't have a problem with that though I do dislike how every expecting mom seems to want to invent strange new spellings which they pat themselves on the back over then the poor kid ends up spending 80 years being frustrated because no one can pronounce their name correctly.

Trust me with something as important as a name you want to go with the tried and true not the trendy. If you must be trendy with something then make it your home decorating or you wardrobe but don't make your child's name the equivalent of plaid bellbottoms.

	07-02-2005 02:34									#15
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I don't know how we'll spell it. Jace, Jase... something.

	07-02-2005 02:34									#16
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My middle name is James too. Names like John, James, Edward, David are all good traditional names which no one will confuse. Sofie isn't bad either for a girl especially since it allows the parents to use a slightly uncommon but still traditional name. A good rule of thumb is if the name makes it through Word's spellchecker then it isn't bizarre and destined to leave your child being laughed at on play grounds.

	07-02-2005 02:38									#17
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Naw... I wanna torture them. What doesn't kill them, puts them on meds.

	07-02-2005 02:38									#18
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Jayce?

	07-02-2005 02:41									#19
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[rickylakemode]Whatever[/rickylakemode]

I already got Junuh vetoed. I doubt she'll go for Japher.

Jace is the next one on my list and she likes it.

	07-02-2005 02:51									#20
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Ok, more power to you. At least you killed an even worse name.

	07-02-2005 02:53									#21
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I feel Pekka is a great name. If it's a boy. If it's a girl, it could be... Rebecca. These names are good and they will give the best start to a new person.

Anyway Japher, is it boy or girl and when is it coming out?

	07-02-2005 03:04									#22
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There are worse names out there. I remember mercilessly making fun of a young girl whose hippy mother had named "Stardust". We used to slag her older sister on the playground as well because her name was "Cosmos". I can remember their parents got divorced after the father was arrested for growing weed in the local mountains and by the time we were in high school "Stardust" had taken to having people call her Elizabeth instead.

The sad truth is the world is filled with bastards like me. We will devour the Jayces and the Stardusts of the world and leave them with life long self image issues. That's just how the world works.

	07-02-2005 03:06									#23
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quote: Originally posted by Oerdin There are worse names out there. I remember mercilessly making fun of a young girl who's hippy mother had named "Stardust". We used to slag her older sister on the playground as well because her name was "Cosmos". I can remember their parents got divorced after the father was arrested for growing weed in the local mountains and by the time we were in high school "Stardust" had taken to having people call her Elizebeth instead.

I shouldn't laugh. I almost feel sorry for the poor girl. she's also named after a Vegas casino.

	07-02-2005 03:08									#24
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My four nephews are named; Ante, Love, Tim and Noah.

Pretty neat names, huh?

Oh, and Jerker is a nice name that doesn´t have the same appeal in english

	07-02-2005 03:17									#25
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Is the child a boy or a girl or do you know? I have a joshua steven, a jessica nicole and a christian daniel, these guys faired better then tuberski daughter they named her Madysen not to bad but the middle name oh good lord dezella

	07-02-2005 03:21									#26
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We aren't going to find out, we're going to wait and see. My girl name is Josephine

	07-02-2005 03:23									#27
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Babies are evil.

	07-02-2005 03:23									#28
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josephine is pretty cool name. different, but not too whacked out.

	07-02-2005 03:24									#29
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not finding out before seeing it

So when is the LZ going to be hot?

	07-02-2005 03:25									#30
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This is what I'm talking about. Jushua- normal, Jessica- normal, Christian- normal, Madysen- abnormal. Madysen is a trendy name for boys plus they added in that silly "Y" which is all so the rage. Why does everyone try to be different in the exact same way?

Dezella is a horrid name; the poor girl is likely told dezella is Godzilla's side kick or some other such nonsense each day she goes for recess. Children have enough difficulty without their parents burdening them with more.

Last edited by Oerdin on 07-02-2005 at 03:41