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snoopy369
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Of the Peanuts Gallery
Apr 2004
time: 23:35
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Dinnertime, 6:00 pm, in the river north district of Chicago
Bill, both Daves, Hunter, and John are having dinner at Bandera’s, a rotisserie and grille on Michigan Avenue; Joseph, Erik, Paul, Tom, and Joyce are having dinner at Benihana, a Japanese restaurant hibachi steakhouse.
Bandera’s Restaurant
“Hmm, that Elmore … tsk, tsk. Can’t believe he killed poor Alice,” said Bill. “What exactly did she ever do to him?”
“Yeah, I can’t figure it out either,” said John. “But I guess he was a bit weird. Did you ever actually read ‘Get Shorty’?”
“Hmm, good point. Well, either way, that’s done. Hopefully we’ve seen the end of all that nastiness,” said David Sedaris. “I’m hungry. Waiter? I’d like the Lamb, with escabeche, the salad, and a Merlot.”
“I want that huge chunk of a Prime Rib, with the potatoes, and a gin and tonic,” said Hunter. “And bring me some of that jalapeño cornbread.”
“What, no thoughts about Elmore, Hunter?” said Bill.
“Nope … he’s gone, one more down. Not going to change anything, nothing else has anyway,” retorted Hunter. “Now order, so I can get my steak.”
“Ok … I’ll take the millionaire’s club filet, potatoes, a salad, and blue cheese potato chips for an appetizer. And … a Sierra Nevada,” said Bill.
“And I’ll take the chicken,” said Dave Barry. “And … the vegetable, what’s that today, broccoli? Sure. And I’ll also have the blue cheese chips. And a martini, those are good here, I think.”
“How about a cheeseburger for me,” said John. “That comes with chips, so I’ll have the focaccia. And a glass of something red … hmm, a red Chianti will do nicely. Yes, that one is fine.”
--
The meal passes without incident; the steak is too big for hunter, which is pretty impressive given his eating capacity, while John and Dave Barry each get a desert, the former getting the banana cream pie, the latter getting the Oreo pie.
Afterwards, they decide to walk over to Pippin’s Tavern, for a few drinks.
“Time for a bit of relaxation, I say,” said Dave Barry. “We’ve earned it. Crazy days, these past two, with what, a dozen people dead? Oh, another martini, please. Keep them coming.”
“Yeah … got the killer, good thing,” said John, sipping a Tom Collins. “That Ann, crazy b#$%^ she was. And Elmore … weirdo. Total nut. Good riddance, I say.”
“Yup. Wacko, plain and simple. Wonder if he was the killer?” said Bill while he sipped a lime margarita. “Guess we’ll find out … brrrrp … oops, sorry. Guess the third one was too many …”
“Never have too many, I say,” said Hunter, with his whiskey sour in one hand and a gin and tonic in the other. “Who cares if we find him or not, anyway. Either we will find him, or we’ll be dead. Death and taxes, that’s what I say, and I know which one I prefer.”
“You’re the wacko,” said David Sedaris, with his Manhattan. “But that’s okay, you’re the best kind of wacko – not a homicidal one, but a suicidal one.”
“Yup,” said Hunter.
They headed back afterwards, taking a cab to the hotel.
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Benihana
“Wow, this looks pretty cool,” said Joyce. “How he hasn’t cut his hand off, I can’t figure out…”
“Well, I presume he’s had some practice,” said Joseph.
“I think they use evolution,” said Erik.
“Evolution??” asked Joyce.
“Yeah. During training, the rule is cut off two fingers and you’re out. Means only the ones who aren’t likely to cut things off make it to the restaurant.”
“Ha, ha,” said Paul. “Well, I guess this place will be okay. Hope they have good sushi.”
“I heard their sushi is pretty good,” said Tom. “Pretty inexpensive, too.”
“Well, let’s order … Chef, I’d like the hibachi steak. Plenty of onions, too,” said Erik. “And some Yakisoba on the side. And … a glass of Sake.”
“And I’ll have Teriyaki Steak, with all the usual stuff. No Sake here, though, I’d rather have a glass of Toscana from the bar downstairs,” said Joseph.”
“Sushi, for me… a Rainbow Roll, a philly roll, and two tamago, with a miso soup and a cup of tea,” said Paul. “Love those rainbow rolls, they’re the one-of-everything of sushi.”
“Maki, actually, Paul,” said Tom. “Sushi is just single pieces. Maki is the roll.”
“Whatever.”
“Anyway, I’d like Hibachi Chateaubriand, done pretty lightly. And throw in some Vegetable Mix Saute, instead of the soup if you don’t mind. Yeah, I don’t like onion soup too much, sorry. And I’ll just stick with the tea as well,” said Tom.
“Hmm, for me … I’m going to go spicy, with the Seafood Diablo. Yes, I know… I’ll take my chances,” Joyce said with a smile. “And a glass of your best Riesling, thanks.”
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Their food came and went without incident, although Paul couldn’t eat all of his maki, because it was too filling, and Joyce went through four glasses of Riesling and six glasses of water. The chef managed to avoid cutting off any body parts, although he did scare them a few times with his knifework, but it was all for show.
They decided to head over to the ESPN Zone, except for Joyce, who was getting tired – possibly as a result of the wine – and walked in that direction. Joyce walked back to Michigan avenue, to hail a cab.
At the ESPN Zone
“Too bad Joyce didn’t come, she’d have a blast,” said Paul, sipping his martini.
“Nah, it’s too loud for her,” said Tom, with a cosmopolitan. “Wow, the Diamondbacks are getting killed … look at that score.”
“Ahh, wonder why poor Elmore did it,” said Joseph. “Doesn’t make much sense. Another whiskey sour please!”
“Yeah, I dunno,” said Erik, with a Guinness in his hand. “He’s just a nut, I guess. Was, that is.”
“See, I don’t think … I dunno. I’m not so sure …” said Tom. “He’s a nut job, but … something tells me there’s more to this than just nuts. Except these bar nuts, they’re great.” He grabs a handful of peanuts from the bar.
“Oh, I do hope it was him,” said Paul. “I hate deciding on the killer, I never can make up my mind …”
They finished up their drinks, and hailed a cab outside back to the hotel.
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Back at the hotel
“So how was Bandera’s?” asked Erik. “I heard the steaks are great!”
“Yeah, they’re fine,” said Hunter. “Mine was too big, though.”
“Oh, you always complain,” said John. “And how was the hibachi?”
“Not bad, not bad,” said Joseph. “Great onion soup, too.”
“Hmm, that’s funny…” said Tom.
“What?” said Paul.
“I could have sworn Joyce Carol Oates said she’d be making her way back here right away. But I don’t see her, and she’s not in her room…”
They all go and look around the hotel, and indeed she’s not there. Tom, John, David Sedaris, and Joseph hop a cab and go looking for her near the restaurants; they find her body strewn in an alley off Superior between Michigan and Rush. Her head had a huge welt on the side, and her neck was twisted at an odd angle.
The four returned to the hotel, and they all went into room 701, to decide yet again who might have committed this heinous murder, their numbers reduced by yet one more.
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05-04-2005 13:27
(Passed though 
) and that means a ton ton ton of work for me, in addition to the GM being away on 'conference' in socal... blah. And getting my shots for my cats... blah. Friday 
ACK!
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