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Dr Zoidberg
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Communist Party of Apolyton
Jan 2002
time: 06:20
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A female friend of mine is having a drinking problem. But when I confront her with it she´s yelling at me and says that I have the problem. She´s doing quite allright by her own standards. It´s come to a point where I might have to end our friendship because I can´t stand here when she´s drunk. Tonight we were at a quiz night a english pub in my neighborhood, and she already started the night at home with some wine. So she´s already quite drunk when she gets there. And three pints later she can hardly stand up straight or have a conversation (not to mention follow the quiz). She gets out before the quiz has ended and heads for Burger King. Me and the other guy in the quiz team leave soon afterwards, the quiz is shot to hell anyway  I hook up with her at BK and tell her that I want to go home because the quiz and the annoyingly rowdy crowd at the pub has ruined my mood, which is at least partly true - before I knew she was already drunk I proposed a pint at our favourite pub further down the street. Something I´m definitely not in the mood for now.
The thing is I don´t feel at all comfortable with her when she´s drunk. And she is ruining the quiz which is supposed to be a good time with some mates and a few pints. Instead I´m just sitting there worrying that she´s drinking too much. A bit self centered perhaps, but true nevertheless.
And as I mentioned above she gets real defensive when I say that I think that she drinks too much. But she does. She´s always got to have that last beer even though she almost always has one or two beers more than me. She gets real drunk real quick when earlier she was something of a bottomless pit. Classic signs of alcoholism, right?
My biggest worry is that it´s not unlikely that she tells me to take a hike if I put her on the spot and make her choose between me and the booze. And that I don´t want because when she´s not drunk she´s really nice and I really like hanging out with her. And to complicate the matter further I´m somewhat in love with her and have been since we met for the first time, four years ago. She knows that and she´s cool with it, but I´m pretty sure she uses it from time to time. I want to be with here no matter what, and she knows that. We spend a lot of time together, and she rarely socializes with others (she´s got other friends). And since my oldest friend moved to Australia just the other day, she´s one of two close friends left.
Anyway, what the **** can I do? You can´t change another person, that´s for sure.
Comments, suggestions, smart remarks?
Edit: Sorry for the rambling...
Last edited by Dr Zoidberg on 11-05-2005 at 03:11
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Pekka
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em seu burro dos pais!
Feb 2002
time: 07:20
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Depends. If she's partying and you're being a foreigner type of person who thinks everyone is a drunk who gets smashed every now and then, then you should just grow up.
BUT if she really is getting smashed pretty much all the time and it affects her life in other areas as well, as well as your friendship, then she definitely has a problem.
You have to ask yourself. Are you willing to help her out? If she truly has an alcohol problem, it's not very simple. She could never get over it. You could end up using all your energy just to get all the crap on you. So.. you need to ask yourself, how much do you care for her and be honest. If you honestly care for her, then you should not leave her. If you're not sure, then you should take a hike.
So you decided to stay, what to do? First thing is you need to make her realize she has a problem. Before that, nothing is possible. To do that, you have to point out how alcohol usage is affecting her life outside partying. That happens when she is sober. No use trying to talk sense when she's drinking. You'll just get a bunch of crap on you. Not doing any good for either of you. So you must make her see how much damage she is doing to herself.
That's the only way you can move forward to help her. Then, you must be supporting her every time she goes and blows it all up and how everything is your fault. Just take it, and drop it in the trash bin, it's likely not meant to you anyway.
In fact, you shouldn't even read more. Make a decision. Stay with her side, or leave her. If you stay, the only thing you need to be focusing on is being her friend and trying to make her see that it's a problem, and it's affecting her life in negative ways. And don't be a little investigative annoying person all the time. Be her friend.
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Lancer
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Oregon Coast, USA! or Bohol, Philippines!
Apr 1999
time: 05:20
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You can save the damsel from a tiger or slithering snake in the grass. You can fight off the black knight bent on rape and mayhem with the fair lady, but from the damsel you can not save the damsel. You can however save yourself by forgetting about her.
Take a hike.
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Dr Zoidberg
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Communist Party of Apolyton
Jan 2002
time: 06:20
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quote:
Originally posted by Pekka
Depends. If she's partying and you're being a foreigner type of person who thinks everyone is a drunk who gets smashed every now and then, then you should just grow up.
BUT if she really is getting smashed pretty much all the time and it affects her life in other areas as well, as well as your friendship, then she definitely has a problem.
You have to ask yourself. Are you willing to help her out? If she truly has an alcohol problem, it's not very simple. She could never get over it. You could end up using all your energy just to get all the crap on you. So.. you need to ask yourself, how much do you care for her and be honest. If you honestly care for her, then you should not leave her. If you're not sure, then you should take a hike.
So you decided to stay, what to do? First thing is you need to make her realize she has a problem. Before that, nothing is possible. To do that, you have to point out how alcohol usage is affecting her life outside partying. That happens when she is sober. No use trying to talk sense when she's drinking. You'll just get a bunch of crap on you. Not doing any good for either of you. So you must make her see how much damage she is doing to herself.
That's the only way you can move forward to help her. Then, you must be supporting her every time she goes and blows it all up and how everything is your fault. Just take it, and drop it in the trash bin, it's likely not meant to you anyway.
In fact, you shouldn't even read more. Make a decision. Stay with her side, or leave her. If you stay, the only thing you need to be focusing on is being her friend and trying to make her see that it's a problem, and it's affecting her life in negative ways. And don't be a little investigative annoying person all the time. Be her friend. |
Good solid advice, Pekka. Thanks  
Che, and the evil option is...?
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Lancer
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Oregon Coast, USA! or Bohol, Philippines!
Apr 1999
time: 05:20
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"Screwing her when she's drunk."
Black knights abound.
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11-05-2005 03:05
Really.
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