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notyoueither
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of naught
Aug 2001
time: 22:37
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No, we need more places for beaver colonies.
http://www.thetoque.com/040928/sacredbeaver.htm
quote:
DOWNTOWN CANADA-- The majestic beaver. Proud, resourceful, revered... and quickly becoming a real pain in the ass for god-fearing Canadians. The sacred beaver has always been a religious Canadian symbol, and one of the reasons for the settlement of this great country. But with the growth of Canadian cities, the expansion of mining and forestry industries, and the reduction of protected natural areas, the beaver's habitat is being seriously threatened. And because of these factors, the hallowed creature is starting to interfere with the normal Canadian way of life.
Beavers, sacred in Canada, are a common sight on city streets.
Much like the sacred cows in India, the venerated Abyssinian cats of ancient Egypt, and the mystic hamsters of Syria, beavers are worshipped by Canadians. They are free to wander and roam anywhere they want.
The revered status gives the beaver the freedom to do pretty much anything he likes without fear of reprisal, threat, or scorn. To most citizens, doing anything to such a venerated animal is unthinkable--as it would certainly bring the wrath of the Canadian Gods upon their unfortunate heads, along with certain punitive measures from public authorities.
But with diminishing natural environments for the cute, buck-toothed animals to flourish, the holy beaver is forced to mingle with populated human areas, which is making life complicated for everyone, especially since the beaver is treated as a higher lifeform.
"The problems start when the beavers build their dams in our water supply," says Skip Tracer, a member of the Sacred Animal Relocation division of Parks Canada. "And they're constantly chewing on the birch trees in our public parks, and building lodges across busy streets. They gnaw on telephone poles, chew through power lines, and leave mud tracks and beaver poop everywhere they go. There isn't a single street in town that isn't covered with sawdust!"
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Riesstiu IV
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Paul Martin and Rasmussen should settle this dispute by fighting each other to the death in hand to hand combat each using a plastic fork.
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shawnmmcc
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While AH is correct - I vote for the Polar Bear test.
Some fraternity boys at the University of Fairbanks were drinking with the new pledges. As there were several kegs, they were all four sheets to the wind in no time at all (one more than three sheets, they were thoroughly plastered). So the senior member told the pledges, "To become a member, you must first go out and kill a Polar Bear, and the f**k a Native Woman."
So one of the pleges, and nice big hefty young fellow, staggered up and exclaimed "I'll do it." or at least that is what everyone assumed he said, being as he was quite difficult to understand. So he staggered out into the snowstorm (did I mention snowstorm - yes, there was a snowstorm). One hour went by, then two, then three. The fraternity brothers started sobering up, and started getting scared. If something happened to the pledge, they'd get shut down.
Suddenly, the door flew open. The pledge walked in. Half his scalp was hanging down off the side of his skill, horribly torn free. Blood was everywhere. One of his arms was mangled. He then asked, still drunk as a skunk. "Where's the Native Woman I'm supposed to kill."
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26-07-2005 05:48
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