27-08-2005 01:03									#91
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quote: Originally posted by aneeshm If there is no cause to this depression , then I can only put it down to the fact that you have not a firm grasp of reality ( pardon me if I sound harsh ) . The second cause could be that you feel powerless to control your surroundings . Just tell me , is there something you are good at ?

he just needs a job. He doesn't work or go to school.

you can't sit around playing computer games all day.

	27-08-2005 01:26									#92
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Well, certainly there is a cause or causes to his depression, but that doesn't mean it's necessarily possible to find out what it is/they are.

	27-08-2005 01:30									#93
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quote: Originally posted by Dis you can't sit around playing computer games all day.

actually...

i've decided that if I can't sit around playing computer games all day

then I don't want to live

i'm not going to waste my life working 40-50 hours a week until I'm too old to enjoy life

	27-08-2005 02:35									#94
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quote: Originally posted by Sava actually... i've decided that if I can't sit around playing computer games all day then I don't want to live i'm not going to waste my life working 40-50 hours a week until I'm too old to enjoy life

exactly where do you live and who pays your bills?

	27-08-2005 02:50									#95
	Avatar Enlargement: We've got the solution

or better yet, show up in a shirt that says "fvck authority."

	27-08-2005 03:01									#96
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Hm. Would one get into copywrite issues if one had one saying "FCUK AUTHORITY"?

	27-08-2005 03:04									#97
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quote: Originally posted by Dis exactly where do you live and who pays your bills?

i live with parents

they're convinced that depression can be cured

so I said I won't commit suicide yet

I'm not that much of a burden though

I pay my own bills, which aren't much...

	27-08-2005 03:23									#98
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you know your Avatar design, have you looked into that kinda stuff for erm.....'enlightenment' or stuff like that? Life is good, can be great; find your totem and maybe that will help? weird stuff i know, but the odd shaman/wisemen in png i met often had lots of usefull stuff to say to a 'lost' traveller kid of the 90's when i was over there. Depression sure can be beaten, you just have to want to beat it.........as with many things in life.

	27-08-2005 03:55									#99
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quote: Originally posted by Sava i'm not going to waste my life working 40-50 hours a week until I'm too old to enjoy life

Why not find a job that you enjoy?

	27-08-2005 04:05									#100
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quote: Originally posted by Sava they're convinced that depression can be cured

I hope they are right, otherwise I'm fcked.

	27-08-2005 12:31									#101
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depression can be cured. at least patially. And I did it without doctors visits or drugs

okay, most of my depression was related to my job, and I changed jobs. That always helps. .

I still get depressed sometimes in the winter though. But I feel great in the summer.

	27-08-2005 23:55									#102
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Yeah, job depression is rather easy to solve

I've never had this winter/summer changes, but from dec 18 2004 to 10 march 2005 I experienced five deaths in close family wich, well, made me a little depressed. It was mostly elders and expectable, but still, why should it happen in such short timespan ?

	28-08-2005 01:15									#103
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Some interesting statistics from my court system:

Jurors who actually sit on a trial, usually have a positive reaction to jury duty.

Jurors who do not get picked but sit around in the jury assembly room, hate the whole process.

We have a couple of hundred job classifications at the court -- the one with the highest workers' comp rate: jury coordinator...it's a high stress job.

	29-08-2005 08:38									#104
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Sava, I don't believe you're depressed. I think you're lazy. And addicted to your computer. You probably complain when your dinner is ready if you're in the middle of a game. Like an 8-year old with a Game Boy.

For someone who's pretty opinionated and intelligent, it's just sad to see you hiding behind crap like "society sucks eggs therefore I won't deign to participate."

What BS.

Jury duty is inconvenient. So go ahead and shirk. Lot of people do.
But don't try to make it sound like anything other than what it is.

	29-08-2005 08:41									#105
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Dis, WTF is depressing about Las Vegas in winter?

	29-08-2005 09:04									#106
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quote: Originally posted by -Jrabbit Sava, I don't believe you're depressed. I think you're lazy. And addicted to your computer. You probably complain when your dinner is ready if you're in the middle of a game. Like an 8-year old with a Game Boy. For someone who's pretty opinionated and intelligent, it's just sad to see you hiding behind crap like "society sucks eggs therefore I won't deign to participate." What BS. Jury duty is inconvenient. So go ahead and shirk. Lot of people do. But don't try to make it sound like anything other than what it is.

I dunno dude...

all the therapists I've been to say I'm depressed...

I had a psych eval in April, he said I was depressed...

brainscan shows I'm depressed, PET and EEG both show symptoms of depression...

Absolutely I'm lazy. I don't want to work. Who the hell in their right mind would want to work? And then put yourself in my position. Why would I want to bust my ass going to school, then working just to support life when I don't want to live in the first place? Sure, I sit at home and am on my computer all day... but what the hell else am I going to do? My parents don't want me to commit suicide. They want me to try these treatment options for depression. So I am. But nothing is working. If I start to feel better, then I assume I would go to school or something. I dunno.

Complain when my dinner is ready? WTF are you talking about? Actually no, I don't. I only get to see my mom in the evenings and I am usually watching TV or something waiting for her to get home. Sometimes I make dinner, sometimes we go out, sometimes she makes dinner.

But go ahead and feel free to form these convoluted and unfounded opinions about me that are based upon my online rantings. Everyone else does.

Yes... society does suck. Everything about it sucks. Our economic system favors the greedy and the corrupt and shuns the weak. Our political system is a joke. Everybody spouts off propaganda about freedom and democracy and justice... but it's all bullshit. Just turning on the news makes me want to throw up. And I refuse to be a part of it.

What amazes me is the negative reaction I get from you guys in this thread. Like the wheels of justice are going to fall off without me. As if the entire system is suddenly going to BREAK DOWN IF SAVA GETS OUT OF GOING TO JURY DUTY. ZOMFG OHHHH NOES>>> NOT THAT

I wish I could move out to some remote location and live all by myself. But I can't. The reality is, I can't support myself living like that.

Well I could care less what you guys think. Actually, the fact that so few people sympathize with me only reinforces my beliefs about people.

Anyways, my doc's got me on Topamax now... an anti-epileptic. I don't have seizures, but my PET showed an area of overactivity that is similar to someone with epilepsy. This medicine is also being looked at for possible anti-depressant effects. So far nothing.

I'm running out of patience.

I'm 25. Quite honestly, I don't want to make it to 26. I do want to at least play Civ4. So you guys will have to put up with me for a little while longer.

	29-08-2005 09:06									#107
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Got called up for jury duty once. Happened to be on the same day as an exam unfortunately, so had to write in and say couldn't do it. Wouldn't of minded though, should be kinda interesting. Strangely it was only within a year of my becoming eligiable for it.

I like putting up with you Sava. Hell you're entertaining and you smoke pot. Pot

	29-08-2005 09:37									#108
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I just think you've developed the ability to use your depression as a crutch, Sava. If you really didn't care, why would you post your opinions and defend them?

I support your right to blow off society...

But I must laugh at the thread title. As if something had actually victimized you.

	29-08-2005 10:03									#109
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quote: Originally posted by -Jrabbit I just think you've developed the ability to use your depression as a crutch, Sava. If you really didn't care, why would you post your opinions and defend them?

and you are absolutely wrong... a crutch... yeah right... you know jack... at my psych eval, I specifically wanted to know if I even had depression because I don't want to be a burden... I asked the doc, am I depressed? I mean, I know what happy is and I know what sad is... but do I really KNOW? have I ever even FELT happiness? have I been depressed my entire life that all I know is misery and depression? BECAUSE I WANT TO SLIT MY WRISTS RIGHT NOW

because I cry myself to sleep every goddamn night

because every damn day growing up it's like, wtf am I doing here? oh yeah, okay I have to go to school... why? I dunno, because then I go to high school, then I go to college, then what? I get a job... why? I dunno, that's just what people do. Then one day its like... I DONT WANT TO DO ANY OF THIS ANYMORE. I HATE THIS WORLD. I HATE EVERY THING ABOUT IT.

yeah, two of my cousins have had kids... and my sister just got engaged... and instead of that being joyous for me it makes me feel even worse because I know I'll never have kids and never get married... and do you know what that feels like? to feel like a complete and utter failure? yeah, I've had a few girlfriends before... but they were completely superficial relationships. Sex was great. yeah of course it was... but it's like... I just didn't like any of them as people. And I'm never going to meet that person. I've completely given up.


and I don't care what you guys think... so why do I write here? well a lot of you guys I like... others? well? not so much...

but I'm not defending myself...

I'm trying to explain... to help people understand... because people without depression don't understand. It's impossible for them too. My mom... probably the person in the world who knows me best... does not understand. So I don't expect any of you to. Maybe some of you have had depression and will understand. But those of you who haven't, won't. And it's painfully obvious from your comments.

also, it's like journal writing... I stopped posting at online forums for a while, but my doc encouraged me to start again. said it was good for me.

quote: I support your right to blow off society...

apparantly you don't

quote: But I must laugh at the thread title. As if something had actually victimized you.

it's not for sure yet... I guess I have to call a phone number and see if my number is called, but if it is, then at minimum my day gets wasted... that may not seem like much to you, but I value my days... especially since I probably don't have many left to waste.

It is a disease. That's the only way to describe it. It's no different from cancer. Only instead of a physical entity inside your body killing you, it's an urge to kill within your body. Try to imagine the most painful, grueling torture. Fingernails being removed... knife cuts... gasoline being poured on wounds... acid burns... Now imagine, the desire you would have to end that pain... to die. Consciousness is that torture to me.

And do I think taking some pill is going to change anything?

No.

So forgive me if I don't want to waste my time participating in jury duty.

	29-08-2005 10:37									#110
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I admit to not being clinically depressed. I was a psych major, so I have some understanding. But no, I've never walked in your shoes.

But you do benefit from living, however marginally, in our society. As a result, the state (who doesn't know you're a bad candidate for jury duty), randomly sent you a piece of mail. Plenty of advice on how to avoid this duty has been posted. Most of it sounds pretty simple.

So forgive me if I don't think it's that big a deal.

	29-08-2005 12:06									#111
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quote: Originally posted by -Jrabbit Dis, WTF is depressing about Las Vegas in winter?

nothing. There is no logical reason to be depressed. I just am sometimes. It's not like we have a dark snowy winter. It's mostly sunny in winter. Although last winter was really rainy. But having so few hours of sunlight a day does affect me.

	29-08-2005 23:13									#112
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quote: Originally posted by Sava edit...... Yes... society does suck. Everything about it sucks. Our economic system favors the greedy and the corrupt and shuns the weak. Our political system is a joke. Everybody spouts off propaganda about freedom and democracy and justice... but it's all bullshit. Just turning on the news makes me want to throw up. And I refuse to be a part of it. edit......... Well I could care less what you guys think. Actually, the fact that so few people sympathize with me only reinforces my beliefs about people. edit......

First part - don't let it be like that then, use your life to make positive changes around you.
Sure you might not make president and be able to click your fingers and make all the bad stuff go, which of course he cant do either - but for each 'good' socially aware person in the world that feels too snowed under by this; the more the nasty greedy selfish types get their way.
I can't solve the worlds problems, but i do my little bit. I dont have your smarts, but i can see that my life trying to do the good/right things makes a difference. And there are more of 'us' than the evil/nasty/greedy guys know about. It will take time but we will build a future worth living for - you should be a part of it

Second part - a games forum, where some people seem to think real life works like a game of Civ(for all that its a great game) and you have a whole raft of people that think bombing 'darkies'(real people- women,kids+families that cant defend themselves) is ok if the 'great leader' says it is. What do you expect from the sympathy stakes? Don't take it too personal and maybe these characters are some of the ones we need to try to educate in the real world?

Life is a journey/adventure, sometimes tough, sometimes painfull, but also sometimes just darn amazing and inspirational - the trick is to look for those momments for yourself. Dont give up on it.

I cant be more positive than that for you really - the rest is upto you.

	29-08-2005 23:30									#113
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quote: originally posted by sava Who the hell in their right mind would want to work?

I do. And i'm pretty sure i'm in my right mind.

It's called being mature. Understanding that the only reason humanity has ever gotten anywhere, is from every single member - or nearly so - contributing in some way to the great work that is Humanity.

That, and finding a job that I like (most of the time ), accomplishing things that give me a sense of accomplishment. Doing a job *well* makes me feel *GOOD*... like when sales go up for my department, or one of the employees in my department gets a promotion in part because of my developing her/him.

I'm not saying i'd rather be at work than at home chatting on Poly ... but I'd rather be working, than sitting at home 80 hours a week doing nothing. I did that for a few months (it's called "unemployment") and it sucked hardcore ... knowing someone else was working so I could pay rent and eat, and knowing I had accomplished nothing meaningful that day.

	29-08-2005 23:34									#114
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I actually enjoyed jury duty once i got selected.
It was a nice change of pace and I felt empowered to make a difference on at least one thing.

Never been clinically depressed to my knowledge so it's hard to tell you anything with any certainty.

BUT, you're still young will a lot out in front of you.
From what I've seen here, while you're not always the most socialable person, you do have a decent sense of humor. That goes far with the ladies. So just enjoy and don't worry about it. I don't blame you for not wanting to work for a living. That doesn't make you crazy. If anything it makes you saner than most. But by killing myself for work 5 days a week, I get to do the things I like doing the rest of the time, especially my family.

	29-08-2005 23:38									#115
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quote: Originally posted by snoopy369 quote: originally posted by sava Who the hell in their right mind would want to work? I do. And i'm pretty sure i'm in my right mind. It's called being mature. Understanding that the only reason humanity has ever gotten anywhere, is from every single member - or nearly so - contributing in some way to the great work that is Humanity. That, and finding a job that I like (most of the time ), accomplishing things that give me a sense of accomplishment. Doing a job *well* makes me feel *GOOD*... like when sales go up for my department, or one of the employees in my department gets a promotion in part because of my developing her/him. I'm not saying i'd rather be at work than at home chatting on Poly ... but I'd rather be working, than sitting at home 80 hours a week doing nothing. I did that for a few months (it's called "unemployment") and it sucked hardcore ... knowing someone else was working so I could pay rent and eat, and knowing I had accomplished nothing meaningful that day.

Ditto-- I like vacations and weekends but being home day after day .. .

I like the challenge of my job-- every day is like a new puzzle

	29-08-2005 23:43									#116
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quote: Originally posted by Sava then at minimum my day gets wasted... that may not seem like much to you, but I value my days... especially since I probably don't have many left to waste.

THis is part of what I personally don't understand. If you value your days so much that giving up ONE precious day for jury duty seems too much, WHY or WHY would you EVER forfeit thousands of potential days by committing suicide??

Oh and no I have never been depressed to my knowledge. In fact I am pretty optimistic most days -- I can't wait to see what new things will happen today . . . some will be good and some will be bad but it has never been boring

	29-08-2005 23:53									#117
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It's a pity you didn't join the Army like you were thinking about a few years ago, Sava. You'd probably have turned into a conservative, and you'd have fought in Iraq, but you'd still be better off than you are today.

	30-08-2005 00:07									#118
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quote: Originally posted by Sandman It's a pity you didn't join the Army like you were thinking about a few years ago, Sava. You'd probably have turned into a conservative, and you'd have fought in Iraq, but you'd still be better off than you are today.

yeah I'd be dead... or worse yet, have a limb blown off by an IED..

no thanks

	30-08-2005 00:24									#119
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You'd almost certainly not be dead. You would have a big pile of money, self-respect, good experience and a six-pack you could grate cheese on.

	30-08-2005 00:25									#120
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Sandman