23-07-2002 08:43									#1
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But no one's coming out. Yet.

Over the past several months the idea that I might not be entirely straight has been forming in my mind. A few days ago I realized it might actually be true (when you have fantasies about men instead of women, you know something's up).

But I don't know yet. My social skills are such that I can't simply go out and get a date (man or woman).

So how does one know whether one is straight or not? If it turns out I'm not straight... then I'm bi because women are still quite attractive.

Yah I'm using Apolyton as a support group right now but there doesn't seem to be anyone else for me to talk to at the moment.

	23-07-2002 08:47									#2
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Don't worry about it, Lorizael.

For some reason people love to try to figure out who they are by digging down deep inside, seeing if they're gay or straight.

I'm one of those people who takes the "I don't give a ****" route.

If you're attracted to a woman, go for it.
If you're attracted to a man, go for it.

There's no need to figure out if you're gay or straight really. If it's not obvious to you, then it's obviously a case where you're a little bit of both. Over time you may end up leaning one way or the other, but it doesn't matter...go with the flow.

Many men who end up straight later in their life have a phase where they have some feelings towards men, some gay men start off as straight and go gay (Elton John comes to mind). Others don't go in either direction their whole lives, just drive right down the center line, and that's great too...

	23-07-2002 08:50									#3
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Who th' hell puts a lock on a closet door?

I kid.

Do whatever you feel is right.

It's best not to overanalyze one's pysche.

	23-07-2002 08:54									#4
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I'd be perfectly willing to just go with the flow, but that might cause problems the first time.

I just don't want to find out I'm straight when I'm about to have sex with a man. That might be rude...

But that's probably something I'll just have to deal with. Thanks, btw.

	23-07-2002 08:55									#5
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quote: I just don't want to find out I'm straight when I'm about to have sex with a man. That might be rude...

You have no idea how common that is.

	23-07-2002 08:58									#6
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Oh really?

	23-07-2002 08:58									#7
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Go forth and find a hot man. Taketh him to bed. Verily, you will then know.

Make sure he's around your age and is also in the phase of "exploring." That will reduce the pressure and, should you realize it's not for you during your time together, won't make it all that much of a deal (you are both just experimenting, after all!).

Good luck, my child.

	23-07-2002 09:01									#8
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quote: Originally posted by Lorizael Oh really?

Oh yeah. Especially around HS/College.

Likewise, it's pretty amazing how far a guy who is "straight" will go once he's a bit drunk.

Around the HS/College age a huge portion of the population is questioning, actively or passively, their sexuality. As corny as it sounds, you're not alone.

	23-07-2002 09:05									#9
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You know Boris, that biblical speak of yours goes perfect with your avatar. I'm not sure why. What is your avatar anyway?

And my name's not verily (Sorry, I had to do it, it's in my blood... damn my father).

Anyway yah, I'll go out and find myself a good man.

	23-07-2002 09:09									#10
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The avatar is Russian bass Fyodor Chaliapin in the role of Boris Godunov, c. 1910 or so, I think.

	23-07-2002 09:38									#11
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Lorizael, the first person that anyone ever comes out to first, is themselves.

You might discover you're gay, or bisexual, or you might realize that you are straight after all.

Good luck, man.

	23-07-2002 09:58									#12
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No need to label yourself-- you'll figure out what you like in time

Also, fantasies are not always indicitave of preferred or desired behaviors -- some women have rape fantasies or fantasies or other wild fantasies but have no intention or desire to act on them.

Just the fact that you are thinking about all this means that you are at least open to the prospect . . .


ASHER -- I suspect that there are a lot of guys out there that have bi tendencies but they consciously or subconconciously repress them due to the remaining social stigma ( or due to having a monogomous heterosexual relationship)-- I know of a fair number of guys who went for man-man sex (often when drunk but I think they would overplay their drunkeness) as long as they could be the "boy"

	23-07-2002 10:04									#13
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quote: I'm one of those people who takes the "I don't give a ****"

Not giving a ****, hun, would make you asexual. As a bi, aren't you giving one to anything on two legs?

quote: I just don't want to find out I'm straight when I'm about to have sex with a man. That might be rude...

Oh wow. You just described the first date I went on.

	23-07-2002 10:06									#14
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Do you like to touch men? Do you like to be touched by men?

	23-07-2002 10:09									#15
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Flubber, I'm pretty sure I have been repressing such thoughts in the past because of my damn not growing up in a vacuum.

And I don't feel the need to label myself, but there is no way for me to talk about this without using words. I don't wan to know if I'm bisexual or gay, I won't to know if I'm not straight. If you get my meaning.

Starchild... sorry to hear that.

	23-07-2002 10:09									#16
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quote: Originally posted by Starchild Not giving a ****, hun, would make you asexual. As a bi, aren't you giving one to anything on two legs?

Actually asexual's probably the best way to describe me these days.

quote: Do you like to touch men? Do you like to be touched by men?

That's not a particularly good way to go about it, some people don't like touching people period or being touched -- but could still be gay.

	23-07-2002 10:13									#17
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Im sorry. Im not there and havent came out yet maybe.


But how can you not know about your sexuality? I think when I was 13 and brushed up against a girl my age in the pool one day. I kinda knew what I wanted. This is my expierence. But serouisly how do you not know?

	23-07-2002 10:16									#18
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Oh, that's kind of you, but don't be sorry for lil' o me. Trust me, a quick end was for the best. Much much better than something actually developing and THEN finding out about this guy's issues. All the issues.

Really, I'm over my absolutely horrifying first date. Don't let my stories stop you!

Believe me, I'm over it.

Even if it was only last year.

and I can't look at him now.

and I spent hours with a friend the next day, wondering and crying and hating him, myself, and everyone else.

god...the universe sucks..

I hate life....

But really, I'm FINE!!

*runs off to eat chocolate ice cream and Prozac*

	23-07-2002 10:20									#19
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thespark.com says I'm only 30% gay, that's 9% less than the average guy who thinks himself straight.

Now I know the truth...

How do I not know faded? Because I was brought up in a world where it was assumed I was straight. Brushing up against a girl and enjoying it does not necessarily mean you're not attracted to men as well.

	23-07-2002 10:23									#20
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quote: Originally posted by faded glory Im sorry. Im not there and havent came out yet maybe. But how can you not know about your sexuality? I think when I was 13 and brushed up against a girl my age in the pool one day. I kinda knew what I wanted. This is my expierence. But serouisly how do you not know?

It's just really confusing for a lot of people.

What if you brush up against your best friend and "knew"? Or maybe just the odd random guy? It's not an absolute attraction to a sex, you just wonder if it's a phase or whatever.

It seems so natural when it's a woman but if it's a guy, you just start wondering what the hell is wrong with you until you get over with it and deal with it.

quote: thespark.com says I'm only 30% gay, that's 9% less than the average guy who thinks himself straight. Now I know the truth...

Yeah, I got something ridiculous like that too.

	23-07-2002 10:25									#21
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When I took thespark.com's gay test, I got a score of 90%. That puts me in the same catagory as Elton John and that Teletubbie.

	23-07-2002 10:35									#22
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"It's just really confusing for a lot of people.

What if you brush up against your best friend and "knew"? Or maybe just the odd random guy? It's not an absolute attraction to a sex, you just wonder if it's a phase or whatever.

It seems so natural when it's a woman but if it's a guy, you just start wondering what the hell is wrong with you until you get over with it and deal with it. "


I guess that clears it up a bit. But I guess I would never understand unless I was in those shoe's.

But I can say (and I hang around ALOT of guys) I am not attracted in anyway sexually to them. Other than the normal male-bonding and friendship that goes on...theres nothing there. But then I can hang out with a bunch of good looking women, and cant keep my freakin jeans dry or sit still.lol

Whatever Lorizeal. Just remember to close the closet door on your way. (it smells like mothballs and closetdank)

	23-07-2002 10:39									#23
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Sounds to me like you're hopelessly straight, faded.

	23-07-2002 11:15									#24
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quote: Sounds to me like you're hopelessly straight, faded.

awwww the poor guy everyone now awwwwwwwwwwwwww



Question Asher is faded abnormal? is he like hopeless really?

	23-07-2002 11:23									#25
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good luck finding out! Can't speak from experience, but I imagine it's not easy.

	23-07-2002 11:33									#26
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quote: Originally posted by blackice quote: Sounds to me like you're hopelessly straight, faded. awwww the poor guy everyone now awwwwwwwwwwwwww

Huh?

quote: Question Asher is faded abnormal? is he like hopeless really?

What the hell are you talking about...?

yes faded seems normal enough, aside from him using AOL.

	23-07-2002 11:34									#27
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yes too true

	23-07-2002 11:42									#28
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Whoa... I was okay with faded before... but he uses AOL?

I... I just can't handle that...

How could he? Where are his brains??

	24-07-2002 01:05									#29
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Just don't go looking for your older brother's handgun when you realize you're gay, like I did.

I'm glad the gun case was empty.

	24-07-2002 23:17									#30
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I'm SO glad that handguns are banned in the UK...
Well, god knows how I did it but I got exactly 50% on the Channel4 gay test (can't remember my score on thespark one, probably ridiculously high) and it told me I was a perfectly happy, well-adjusted queer. I think my scream of 'what the ****? well-adjusted my ass!' contributed to my being banned from the school library...

Yes, I'm gay, but still none too comfortable with it. So sue my ass